


Mending the Broken

by Drumchik



Series: Jane and Maura [1]
Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: Complete, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-12
Updated: 2012-06-12
Packaged: 2017-11-07 13:33:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 42,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/431734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drumchik/pseuds/Drumchik
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The aftermath of Jane’s shooting for both Jane and Maura. Jane struggles to get over her feelings of guilt over Frankie and Maura, as well as her feelings of vulnerability that she needs to be taken care of. And after Jane takes another risk at work that almost gets her shot, Maura has to decide whether she can face a relationship with someone who one day might not come home from work.</p>
<p>Spoilers for all of Season 1</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Kate for betaing.

Maura desperately wanted to be family. The intolerable hospital had refused to give her any information about Jane, and instead she sat here, with Jane’s blood drying on her dress, on her fingers. She had wanted to kiss Jane, promise her everything would be alright. Instead she had pressed a hand to Jane’s wound, trying to stop the bleeding and begged her to live.

The Rizzolis at least, considered her one of their own. 

Angela Rizzoli had arrived at the hospital in tears and held onto Maura, sobbing into her Gucci shirt. Not that Maura had minded.

Now she sat in a waiting room while the woman she loved was in surgery and nobody would tell her anything.

When the doctors came out and spoke to Jane’s family, she sat back and watched, hoping for any sign that Jane was okay. Her fingers curled over the arms of the plastic chair, reminding herself that this was not the time to start spouting knowledge about recovery rates, statistical chances, and now was definitely not the time to break down in front of everyone if Jane was not going to make it. 

And finally, Angela walked over to her. “Frankie’s going to be alright.”

“And Jane?”

“She’s okay, Maura. She’s going to be fine.”

Angela must have noticed Maura was perilously close to tears, because she sat down next to her. 

“Maura, that’s a good thing. The doctor said she’s going to be sore but she’s going to be fine.”

Maura sniffed and nodded. Angela smiled at her and went back to be with her husband.

And so Maura sat alone.

\--

Maura was not sure how long she had been sitting in the plastic chair. She was cold – although she couldn’t accurately ascertain whether that was because of the air conditioning system or if she was suffering from shock at seeing Jane…Maura blinked. That was an image that she would never be rid of, no matter how hard she tried.

She was determined to stay awake until she could see Jane – and even though the hospital was being stubborn about her status as “non-family” she was going to sit here. She needed to see Jane.

A nurse passed her by, and Maura barely noticed her before the woman doubled back.

“Are you Dr Maura Isles?”

Maura looked up. “Yes?”

“Oh good. We weren’t sure if you were here. Detective Rizzoli told us that you’re her personal physician. She wants to see you.”

Maura decided that since the nurse was telling her she was Jane’s physician and not asking her, she wasn’t technically telling a lie. 

\--

Jane looked…pale.

Maura knew that scientifically this was due to the amount of blood she’d lost and the fact she’d just been through surgery, but it still unnerved her.

It was a stark reminder of how close they had been to Maura seeing Jane on her slab. She furiously wiped some tears away, her heart thudding in her chest.

Jane was here. Jane was alive. 

“Stop staring at me. I’m not dead.” Jane’s eyes slowly opened. “You’ve been crying. Oh my god…Frankie?” Her voice was more husky than usual, probably due to the breathing tube that had recently been taken out. But her concern for Frankie was making her voice break in fear.

“He’s fine,” Maura assured her, walking briskly over to the bed. “He’s going to be fine.”

Jane breathed a sigh of relief. “Then why were you…?”

“Gee, I don’t know, Jane. Maybe it was because you shot yourself and could have been killed!” Maura had planned her first meeting with Jane while she had been waiting outside, and this was certainly not how she had expected to act. But she was angry, afraid, relieved – her emotions were ruling her usual sense of logic and she felt out of control.

“It’s unnerving how quickly you’re catching on to sarcasm.” Jane saw the tears in Maura’s eyes and her heart broke. “Oh, honey. No. Come here.”

Maura’s hand reached for Jane’s and Jane took it, squeezing hard. She shifted a little on the bed and patted the empty space.

“Come up here.”

“I don’t want to hurt…”

“Maura.” Jane speared her with a commanding look. “Come up here.”

Maura nodded and slipped off her shoes before climbing onto the bed, mindful of Jane’s abdomen and the IV drip. She nestled into Jane and smiled as Jane’s good arm curled around her.

“Better?” Jane murmured.

“Much.” Maura’s fingers caressed Jane’s hand, running over the scar Hoyt had given her. “Are you in much pain?”

“I can’t feel a thing. Pretty sure I’m high on pain meds. Ma said I looked spacey.” Jane blinked and looked at Maura. “Do I look spacey?”

Maura thought Jane looked adorable, her face looking earnestly at Maura waiting for an answer.

“I think you look gorgeous.”

Jane snorted with amusement. “Yeah…right.”

“Jane…” Maura’s hand cupped her face. “Why did you do it?”

“Frankie,” Jane said. “I had to make sure he was okay.” Even as she said it, she realised how it must sound to Maura. But at the time, Jane was sure it had been the right thing to do. Yet now, seeing Maura’s obvious state of distress, she heard the doubt creeping into her voice.

“What about me?” Maura asked, pain in her voice. “What would I have done if I had lost you? I’m not even considered family and I…” Her voice cracked as she willed the fresh flood of tears away. 

“Wait…what?” Jane blinked, trying to struggle out of the drug-induced fog. “Who said you weren’t family? Was it Ma? You know she gets overly emotional and…”

Maura wiped her tears away. “No, your mother was wonderful. Especially under the circumstances. The hospital said I couldn’t see you because I wasn’t family.”

Jane relaxed back on the bed. “That’s why I told them you were my personal physician.”

“That’s different from family, Jane.”

Jane smiled, and kissed Maura’s hand. “Well, I tried to get you in here by threatening the nurses with my gun, but someone took it away.”

Maura couldn’t help the giggle that left her lips.

“Maura?”

“Mhm?” Maura could see that Jane was about to fall asleep.

“Will you stay?”

“I’m not sure if they’ll allow me…”

“You’re my personal physician. And my girlfriend. Will. You. Stay? Please?”

Maura liked it when Jane called her “my girlfriend”. As she looked at Jane, she remembered that the first time Jane had called her that was at a Rizzoli family dinner. Maura knew that Jane had been worrying the entire week about that dinner, about what her family would say. And then, to Maura’s eternal astonishment, when they had arrived, Jane had walked in and announced to everyone: “Maura Isles is now my girlfriend.” The next words out of Jane’s mouth had been: “Do you need me to make the garlic bread?”

She kissed Jane softly on the lips. “I’ll stay.” Her fingers ran gently through Jane’s hair. “Jane?”

“Mmm?”

“I love you.”

Jane smiled as she closed her eyes. “I love you too.”

Maura pressed a kiss to Jane’s forehead. “ Now go to sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

\--

Maura Isles was true to her word. She had debated strongly with nurses during the evening, and even did her best work at evading the truth so that she could remain with Jane.   
So when Jane woke up the next morning, she still felt Maura’s hand in hers and she relaxed. Then she realised that even relaxing hurt.

“Fuck.”

“Jane. Language.”

“Maura…”

“You’re in pain. Do you want me to call a nurse?”

“No. I want to go home. And I want to know how Frankie is. And…”

“One thing at a time,” Maura said, pressing her finger to Jane’s lips. “Let me call a nurse and I’ll go find out about Frankie.”

Jane sighed and nodded. As Maura turned to leave, she felt Jane’s hand around her wrist.

“Jane…what is it?”

The detective’s searching eyes ran over her girlfriend. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. You’re the one with the self-inflicted gunshot wound, remember?”

Jane heard the combination of anger and fear in Maura’s voice. “Maura…I had to…”

“You had choices, Jane. And…and, when I got here, when I didn’t even know if you were going to live or die, the hospital wouldn’t tell me anything!” Much to her aggravation, she felt tears pricking at her eyes.

“Maura. I made that next of kin thing long before I met you. You know that.” Jane tried to tug her closer. “And I didn’t have a choice. Frankie was dying and it’s my fault…”

“It’s not your fault!” Maura turned around to look at her. “He wanted to become a cop.”

“Because of me!” Jane yelled. Her face was grief-stricken, and it was times like this that she hated herself for bringing her brother into this. He should have been a plumber. God, anything but a cop.

Maura tugged her wrist away. “I’m going to get a nurse.”

“Maura…”

“I’ll be back after I check on Frankie.”

Jane let her hands fall back onto the bed in an angry thump. “Shit!”

\--

She didn’t know how long she had been asleep, but Jane awoke to feather-light kisses on her face. She opened her eyes and saw Maura staring down at her. Jane’s hand went to the back of Maura’s head, urging her down for a kiss.

The kiss was soft and tender, and when it finished, Maura remained close to her lips, murmuring:

“I’m sorry.”

Jane leaned in for another kiss, this one deeper than the last. “Me too,” she finally said. “I’m sorry I scared you, but…”

“Frankie, I know.” Maura pressed a gentle kiss on Jane’s cheek. “He’s fine. He’s already complaining about how long he’s been in hospital and how much he’s going to owe you.” 

“Maura, I…”

“I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I’m sorry I just…”

Jane reached for her hand. “You were scared.”

Maura nodded and sat on the side of the bed. “Yeah, I was.”

“Hey…” Jane squeezed her hand. “You wanna see my contact card?”

“I have seen it.”

“Not my updated one.”

Maura looked at her for a moment then got up and went down to the bottom of the bed. She took the chart out, ignoring the parts that detailed Jane’s injuries. She didn’t want to think about those. And then she found it.

_Next of Kin: Dr Maura Isles._

Her breathing hitched and she ran a finger over the words before finally putting the chart back. Maura looked up at Jane, a broad smile gracing her features. “You did that for me?”

Jane reached for her again. “And for me. I want to know that if…you know, it won’t, but if this sort of thing happened again – you’d be here with me.”

“I’d be here with you anyway.” Maura came back to the bed and lay beside Jane, holding the other woman tenderly so as not to hurt her. 

“When can I go home?” Jane asked, soothed by the soft touches of Maura’s fingers. “I hate hospitals.”

“I don’t think anyone actually likes hospitals, Jane.” Maura’s fingers ran down Jane’s back in tender caresses. “And when the doctor says you can. Although I think you’ll need someone to stay with you for awhile.”

“Know of any volunteers?” Jane smirked.

Maura smiled. “I might know one.”

Jane felt Maura’s fingers travelling around to caress her arm. “Maura…”

“Mhm?”

“If you keep doing that I might end up doing something that will cause me to rip my stitches.”

Maura’s fingers froze and she looked down at Jane. “Really?”

Jane took Maura’s hand. “Really.”

A smirk appeared on Maura’s face. “I’d read articles where a near-death experience heightened feelings of arousal but I’ve never been in a relationship where I’ve actually been able to test the theory.”

Jane closed her eyes. “Please, Maura, for the love of God, do not discuss arousal with me until I’m able to do something about it.”

Maura chuckled and kissed her gently. “Alright, I’m sorry. No more teasing.” She bent down to whisper in Jane’s ear. “But you better hurry up and heal. Not touching you is going to drive me out of my mind.”

Jane groaned. “I really need to get out of this hospital.”

\--


	2. Chapter 2

It wasn’t long before Jane was discharged and allowed to go home. Maura had decided Jane would be more comfortable in her own apartment, but when she saw how gingerly Jane moved her body, she was concerned.

“Jane…would it be easier for you to stay at my place?”

“Why?”

“Because you’re…you look like you’re in pain.”

“Me? I’m fine.” Jane pulled on her shirt and winced. “Mostly.”

“Jane…” Maura walked over to her and her hand cupped Jane’s cheek. “I hate seeing you in pain and I’m just trying to help.”

Jane sighed and rubbed her face with her hands. “I know. I know. I just…I want everything to be the way it used to. You know, you me, Joe, Bass. Dinner, TV, making love, bed. I feel like such an invalid.”

“You shot yourself in the abdomen. You’re lucky to be alive. Most people…” Maura took a deep breath. “Look, whatever is easiest for you, okay? I know you prefer your apartment, but my place isn’t that bad and I could probably disturb the order of my belongings for you if I tried.”

Jane chuckled. “You’re amazing, you know that?”

Maura kissed her tenderly. “I just want you healed, Jane.”

Jane kissed her again, deepening it and moaning when Maura stood between her legs and held her tightly against her body. At first she moaned in pleasure – she’d missed having Maura this close – but then the wave of pain started near her stomach and she gasped as it shot through her.

Maura stood back, horror on her face. “Jane, god I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”

Jane’s hand was swiftly around Maura’s wrist, tugging her back. “Don’t apologise.” She flashed a quick smile. “I’ve missed that. A lot. We might have to wait a bit longer, but I’ve missed you, Maura.”

Maura relaxed and moved away, picking up Jane’s boots. “Want some help?”

Jane nodded, and Maura bent down, starting to put on Jane’s no-nonsense black boots with their small heel. Not that Jane needed any help in the height department. A thought must have occurred to her, because she looked up at Jane with a very saucy smile. Jane narrowed her eyes.

“What?”

“I was just thinking about how I usually do something quite different when I’m down in this position.” Maura started lacing up Jane’s right boot. “Unfortunately we can’t have that kind of fun yet. Pity.”

Jane’s jaw dropped as she felt a bolt of arousal soar through her. Enforced celibacy due to gunshot wound was going to kill her.

\--

Having decided on Jane’s apartment, Maura did her best to help Jane up the stairs and inside. By that time though, Jane’s breathing was laboured and she had gone an awful gray color.

“Bed. Right now,” Maura commanded.

“I like this commanding side of you. Very sexy,” Jane bit out, her eyes closing at another wave of pain.

“Maybe you should have stayed in the hospital.” Maura helped Jane into the bedroom and watched as Jane lay down on their bed. She remembered the night before Jane was shot, how they had made love in this bed, so slow and agonisingly tender that Jane had literally begged for her release, and Maura had watched with eager eyes as Jane came hard, clawing the sheets when she had granted it.

“I hate hospitals,” Jane muttered, adjusting to a comfortable position. She looked up to see Maura watching her and a smile tugged at her lips. “Behave, Maura.”

Maura blinked out of her reverie. “Huh? Oh, I was just thinking that I hadn’t changed the sheets yet.”

Jane smirked. “Yeah. Right. I think it can wait.”

“You need some more pain meds. I’ll just…I’ll just go and get some water.” Maura decided that she’d get one for herself too. Her thoughts had her throat dry and her palms sweaty.

When she returned, Jane had somehow gotten into a sitting position and accepted the pain killers eagerly, gulping them down with water. Maura’s fingers rested on Jane’s back, caressing gently. Jane rested her head on Maura’s shoulder, her right hand taking Maura’s free one, lacing their fingers together. They were content to sit in silence, each alone with their thoughts.   
Jane was so tired and sore that she knew she should lie back down – but all she wanted was this – was Maura.

And Maura was wondering if she could ever close her eyes without seeing Jane’s blood again.

\--

Maura hung up the phone, after verifying with Bass’s caregiver that both he and Joe Friday were doing well. She was especially pleased that Bass had improved, although to her horror, she hadn’t thought about him a lot since Jane had been in the hospital.

She was now wearing one of Jane’s old baseball jerseys. Thanks to their differences in height, the garment skimmed her knees, and she found the olfactory sense of Jane quite pleasing. The outfit she had worn that day was destined for the incinerator. She knew that even if the dry cleaners could make it wearable that she would never wear it again. She had left Jane to sleep, after laying with her a few moments, and had instead begun the task of doing anything to keep her mind busy.

She had phoned Angela and Frank, relieved to find that Frankie was on the mend and that he was enjoying the home-cooking. She had listened as Angela vowed to bring some food around for the two of them. She had assured them that Jane was going to be just fine – in Maura’s opinion, there was no other option.

She had phoned Frost and Korsak, assuring them that Jane was recuperating and that she was being taken care of. 

She had phoned her boss, explaining that she was taking some time off. And now that she had also phoned and checked on Bass and Joe Friday, Maura was at a loss.

She could not go to sleep, that was a certainty. Jane was the most important thing right now; her well-being was all that mattered. Maura’s reluctance to visualize any of the horrors she had been through was a psychological condition to deal with another time.

Her fingers fell on a picture that had been taken recently of her and Jane after the marathon. They had finished at night, with Frankie as their guide and Angela and Frank holding the finish line. She and Jane were hugging, and then had a picnic dinner with Frank’s small barbecue in the car park. And when they finally got home at around 11pm, Jane had announced that she was getting runner’s high.

Maura’s lips curved in a smile at the memory of that night. When she had felt like part of a family, and Jane had whispered ‘I love you’ to her as they fell asleep.

“Maura?”

With a start, Maura placed the picture back on the table and headed into the bedroom. Jane was lying on the bed, her eyes sleepy and unfocused.

“You okay?” Maura asked, sitting on the side of the bed and caressing Jane’s cheek.

“I woke up and you weren’t there.” Jane’s hand closed over Maura’s. “I thought you were going to sleep too?” Her voice was confused, and still husky from sleep.

“I couldn’t sleep,” Maura replied, “so I thought I’d just make some phone calls.”

“How’s Frankie?”

“Enjoying your mother’s home cooking.”

Jane reached up and touched Maura’s lips. “You look tired.”

“I’m fine. How are you? Is the pain medication helping?”

Jane nodded. “I would like a shower though. I think I smell of hospital.”

“A bath might be better.”

“Only if you share it with me.”

Maura saw the hunger in Jane’s eyes, and she felt the answering bolt of arousal in her own body. Her tongue snaked out and ran over her lower lip and at that moment she wanted nothing more than to rip Jane’s clothes off and take her hard and fast.

But that would be very unwise considering the situation. Instead she took a deep breath.

“Jane, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“I promise no funny stuff.” Jane put on her very best pout. “Please, Maura. It would make it much easier for you anyway – much easier to get all those hard to reach spots.”

“Alright, but no teasing.” Maura kissed Jane gently on the lips. “Wait here, I’ll draw you a bath.”

\--

They stood in the bathroom together, facing each other. Maura reached out and took the hem of Jane’s t-shirt. Slowly she edged it up Jane’s body, and she tenderly took it off with as little pain to Jane as possible. 

Her fingers ran down over Jane’s chest, over her stomach, pausing just above the dressing that covered the wound. 

“I thought you said no teasing,” Jane whispered, her eyes watching Maura’s every movement.

Maura looked up and flashed a quick smile. “Sometimes I can’t help myself.”

“Me either,” Jane said, kissing Maura’s lips hard. “Take off the jersey.”

Maura stood back for a moment and lifted the jersey over her head. She let Jane look for a moment, even managed to withstand the detective touching her breasts and abdomen, before she nudged the hands away and took down Jane’s sweatpants and underwear. 

It reminded her of the first night they spent together – slowly removing clothes, standing in the room just looking and touching each piece of new skin they uncovered. 

“Hop in,” Maura finally said, her hand taking Jane’s. 

With a little awkwardness of movement, Jane was finally in the tub and she scooted forwards. Maura smiled and got in behind her, letting Jane lean back against her chest.

Jane remembered the first time they had done this. Granted, it had been in Maura’s larger tub, but this was just as good. It might even be better, considering how close their bodies were. Feeling Maura’s fingers on her body, lathering her deluxe body wash onto Jane’s skin – Jane let out a low moan.

Behind her, Maura’s smile widened and she placed a gentle kiss to Jane’s collarbone. “Like that, hmm?”

“You know I do.”

Jane’s fingers trailed up Maura’s leg, resting on her thigh. “You like that?”

Maura kissed Jane’s shoulder. “Yeah, I do.”

Jane took one of Maura’s hands and rested it on her thigh. She rested her own hand atop it, resting her fingers in between Maura’s. 

“It’s very difficult to wash you with only one hand,” Maura told her.

“You’re a genius. I bet if anyone can do it, you can,” Jane replied, her eyes on their hands. Finally she broke the silence. “I’m sorry.”

The other woman’s hand stilled. “Sorry?”

“For what you saw. I didn’t know you were there.”

Maura continued to rinse Jane’s body. “Would you have still done it?”

This time it was Jane’s body that tensed. Her voice was quiet as she replied, “I don’t know.”

Jane felt Maura’s hand retreat from underneath her own and she heard the woman washing herself. 

“Maura…”

“You told me to take care of Frankie. And I did. The ambulance came around to the loading dock behind the morgue. And then I came up there and…” Maura’s breath hitched as she willed the tears away. “The water is going to get cold.” Technically it wasn’t a lie, and Maura needed to get out of this discussion. She wasn’t ready or prepared. In fact, Maura wasn’t sure she’d ever be ready to discuss what happened that day.

“Maura, please.” Jane’s voice was breaking as she took Maura’s hand. “You have to understand…”

“I’m trying to. It’s not easy.” Maura took a deep breath and started to get out of the tub. “But as you said, I’m a genius.” She wrapped a towel around herself and held out her hand. “Come on. We need to get you dry.”

Jane took Maura’s hand and her help to get out of the tub. She stood; watching as Maura carefully dried her off with infinite tenderness. Then Maura dressed the wound and finally got Jane into a button down shirt.

“I’m going to get you out to the couch, okay?” Maura asked. “You need to eat something.”

“Maura, we have to talk about this.”

“Not right now,” she replied. “You need to eat. It’s important for your strength and it also helps digest the painkillers.”

“Maura,” Jane started her pleading in earnest. “I need to know…you know…” She took a deep breath. “I love you. More than anything. You know that, right?”

Maura’s façade crumbled a little and her face softened. She reached out a hand and brushed it against Jane’s cheek. “I know. I love you too.”

\--

“I should have gone shopping,” Maura muttered, rummaging through Jane’s fridge.

“Maura, you haven’t left me since it happened. You’re forgiven if there’s no food in my fridge.” Jane looked over the back of the couch. “Come and sit with me.”

“You have to eat something. If you don’t eat something the painkillers will eat away…”

“Maura.”

Before Maura could reply, there was a sharp knock at the door. Jane immediately tried to get up, looking for her gun, but she winced in pain. She didn’t like not being able to protect Maura, and the thought that she was practically helpless was driving her out of her mind.

“Stay there,” Maura commanded. 

“At least make sure you look…”

“…through the hole. I know, Jane.” Maura looked through the peephole. “It’s your mother.”

Jane groaned and her head lolled back onto the couch. “Perfect.” 

“Angela,” Maura smiled, opening the door. “How is Frankie?”

“He’s doing well. Eating plenty. He wants to visit with Jane.” Angela held up some containers. “I brought gnocchi. And garlic bread.”

“Excellent. Jane needs to eat,” Maura stated. 

“Hello? Jane’s right here!” In a perfect world, Jane would have waved her arms around to attract attention, but she was in too much pain to care.

“Janie.” Angela handed the containers to Maura, who went to heat them up in the kitchen. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine. Maura’s taking good care of me.”

Maura glanced over sharply when she heard the “I’m fine” comment. She served the food onto a plate and took it over to Jane. “When you’re finished, I’ll get you some more painkillers.”

“Maura, sit with me.” Jane’s voice was pleading, and she rested her hand on Maura’s arm. “Get some food and come and sit with me and Ma.”

The ME nodded. “I’ll be there in a moment.”

“I still can’t believe I almost lost two children on the one day,” Angela said, sitting back on the chair. “What were you thinking, Janie!”

Maura tensed as she watched Jane. Jane’s eyes looked over the couch and Maura saw the pain in them. She felt her heart break a little and walked briskly over. 

“Angela, you’re going to have to give me the recipe for this gnocchi. I’d really like to be able to make it for Jane.”

As Maura had hoped, Angela’s attention was diverted, and as she began to talk about how to make the gnocchi, Maura sat on the couch and set her plate on the coffee table. Then she tenderly moved Jane closer to her, and ran her fingers through the wavy brunette curls as Jane rested her head in Maura’s lap.

Angela watched Jane snuggle into Maura. “She loved having her hair stroked as a child. Every second of every day she was getting into scrapes, but she used to love having her hair stroked.”

“It’s sensory related,” Maura began. “The touch and the…” she paused, and glanced down at Jane. “I’m talking like Google, aren’t I?”

Jane smiled. “I love it when you talk Google. You’re cute.”

“And you sound exhausted,” Maura murmured. She looked up at Angela. “One of the side effects from the drugs in the hospital and her surgery.”

Angela nodded. “I should be getting back to Frankie and your father. It’s never safe to leave them alone in the house for too long.” She saw Maura move and put her hand out. “No, stay where you are. I’m good.”

Angela pressed a kiss to Jane’s forehead. “Love you, Janie.”

“Love you too, Ma.”

Angela squeezed Maura’s shoulder. “Thank you.”

Before she left, a thought occurred to Jane.

“Ma? What about Tommy?”

Maura felt the tension rising in Jane’s body again, and she caressed her back, willing it to go away.

“Oh, he had a job to do. He couldn’t come home. But he’ll call soon. Get some rest, Janie. You too, Maura.”

After Angela left, Jane stayed where she was, content to be close to Maura. 

“You should eat your gnocchi before it gets cold,” Jane murmured, her fingers resting on Maura’s thigh.

“I will. You’re in an excellent position to serve as a…what are those things, tray tables?”

“Hey!” Jane chuckled. “You really going to make me gnocchi?”

“I’ll need to buy you groceries first, but yes, I will. I’d like to be able to cook all kinds of things you like.” Maura tenderly caressed Jane’s back as she ate. “I like to cook.”

“Good, cause I like to eat,” Jane replied, a shudder running through her body at Maura’s touch.

Maura continued eating and touching Jane at the same time. Jane closed her eyes, her fingers resting on Maura’s thigh.

“God,” Jane finally said.

“What? Are you in pain?” Maura set her bowl down.

“No…Yes, but that’s not it.”

“What’s the matter?” Maura asked.

“It…it sounds stupid.” Jane sounded defeated.

“Tell me,” Maura urged.

“I just…” She sighed. “I just want to make love with you.”

“That’s not stupid,” Maura replied gently. “I want that too.”

Jane gingerly turned on her back, looking up at Maura. “You do?”

Maura nodded. “Every day since…it happened.” Her fingers caressed Jane’s cheek. “But your doctor said no strenuous activity and making love is very strenuous. Often very strenuous, the way we do it.” She smiled as Jane blushed.

“Okay,” Jane replied. “You’re the doctor. But just one thing.” 

Maura gave her help to sit up. “What’s that?”

“Kiss me. Like you did before.”

Maura didn’t reply, but pressed her lips to Jane’s. Her fingers moved around the back of Jane’s head, deepening the kiss and slipping her tongue inside Jane’s willing mouth. Jane moaned and her hands went around Maura’s waist, aching to be closer to her.

The kiss finally broke, and Maura rested her forehead against Jane’s, as they smiled at each other.

“I can’t wait to get these stitches out,” Jane murmured, her lips meeting Maura’s once more.

\--


	3. Chapter 3

Later that night, it was pitch black. And Jane lay awake. Maura was asleep on her back, but her hand was curled around Jane’s, as it usually was. Jane was used to having Maura curled up in her arms, and she didn’t like this new arrangement. But Maura was afraid she was going to hurt Jane in their sleep, so she was keeping her distance.

Jane glanced over at Maura. She could tell the other woman was awake, by the way she was breathing and her body was rigid.

“Maura?”

“Mmm?”

“Why aren’t you sleeping?”

Maura continued to stare at the ceiling. “I can’t.”

“You’ve looked exhausted all day. Why can’t you sleep?”

“It’s not rational.”

“Tell me anyway.”

“Jane…”

“Maura.” Jane looked over at her. “Tell me.”

Maura continued to stare at the ceiling and her voice broke as she replied. “Every time I close my eyes I see you. I see the gun and I see you falling. And I see the blood…the blood everywhere. And I can feel it. The blood on my hands and it wasn’t stopping…” Maura’s tears were free-flowing now, unstoppable. “What would I have done, Jane? You would have left me all alone and I’m trying not to, but I hate you for being willing to do that to me!”

Jane swallowed the lump in her throat and blinked back her own tears. Then, ignoring the pain in her side, she shifted her body closer to Maura’s and put her arms around her. “Just…just listen to my voice, okay? And when you feel you can, close your eyes and let yourself fall asleep.” She tried to ignore the pain in her heart from Maura’s confession. “So, do you remember the first time I kissed you? It was after that night, that night with Hoyt. And we’d gone out and had a drink together and we went back to my apartment, which had been completely trashed. And we started cleaning up, even though it was late, and we’d both probably had at least one Bloody Mary too many. And I started bitching about how he’d given me another scar to add to his collection, and you walked over to me and your fingers touched that scar on my neck. And you told me it didn’t matter about the scars, or anything, because you thought I was the most beautiful woman you’d ever seen.” Jane smiled at the memory, her fingers caressing Maura’s arm. “And nobody had ever said that – not the way you did. At first I thought maybe you were drunk and then I looked at you and I knew. I just knew. And when I kissed you – you tasted amazing. I couldn’t believe I was finally kissing you. And touching you.”

“I remember,” Maura whispered. “You are an exceptional kisser.”

“You’re an exceptional person to kiss.” Jane pressed a kiss to the top of Maura’s head. “And I would have taken you right there, in my living room. But you said that when we made love for the first time it was not going to be after too many Bloody Mary’s. And you were right, because god, that first night. My god, Maura, touching you and kissing you and tasting you. And watching you come and listening to you pleading and begging and screaming my name. I have never been so turned on in my life. And then you touched me, and I could barely breathe. I felt like I was on fire. I’ve never, ever felt anything like that before. I certainly know I’ve never screamed before. Or begged. Or come so quickly again and again. That night is one I’m never, ever going to forget. Or the night that we challenged each other to see how many times we could make the other one come. Or…”

Jane heard Maura’s even breathing. She tightened her arms around the sleeping woman.

“I love you. And I’m sorry.”

\--

The next morning, Jane awoke to find a still-slumbering Maura curled up beside her. She smiled and relaxed her bruised and aching body. It hurt to breathe, but she was not going to wake Maura. Not after finding out that the woman she loved was afraid to even close her eyes because of what Jane had done.

It was Jane’s fault. Another thing she’d screwed up. But the truth was that Jane loved Maura and she couldn’t imagine life without her. 

“Jane?”

Jane looked over at the woman slowly waking up next to her. “Hey, beautiful.”

“Are you okay? You should have woken me.” Maura started to sit up.

Jane rested a hand on Maura’s arm. “Relax. I just woke up myself.”

Maura lay back down on the bed, her eyes running over Jane’s body. “Did you sleep okay?”

“I’m fine. And stop inspecting me for injuries.”

“I just…” Maura finally looked back up into Jane’s eyes. “I just wanted to make sure I didn’t hurt you during the night.”

Jane saw the worry and concern in Maura’s eyes and she instantly softened. “You didn’t.” Jane reached out and caressed Maura’s cheek. “Did you sleep okay? No nightmares?”

“I slept much better.” Maura took Jane’s hand. “Thank you.”

“I thought they might work. Those memories sure cured my nightmares.”

Maura’s hand reached out and rested just above Jane’s wound. “I should change your dressing. And get you something to eat.”

“Or you could stay here with me and we could spend the day in bed.”

Maura smiled at the hopeful sound in Jane’s voice. “And I know exactly where that would end. You with popped stitches.” She moved on the bed so that she was staring down at Jane. “I want it too, you know. Just as much as you do.” Her lips met Jane’s in a brief kiss. “But for now we’ll have to be content with kissing.”

Jane reached out and ran her thumb over Maura’s lips. “I like kissing you.”

“I like kissing you too.”

Their lips crashed together and Maura moaned as she felt Jane’s fingers skimming across her latisimus dorsi and her linae transversae. She felt the kiss deepen and realised how very quickly they could get out of control and pop the carefully constructed stitches. Damn, she hated being a genius sometimes.

“Jane,” she whispered, pulling away reluctantly.

“I know,” Jane murmured. “Dammit, I know.”

“I’m sorry,” Maura replied, kissing her quickly. “We’ll get there. We will.”

“I am counting down the days till these stitches come out.” Jane ran her fingers down Maura’s back. “Hey, why don’t you call Luke today and ask him to bring Bass and Joe home?”

Maura turned around to look at her. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to get too playful and pop…”

“If you say pop the stitches one more time…”

“Rip your stitches,” Maura finished. 

Jane rolled her eyes. “I’m fine, Maura. And I miss them. I’m used to Joe sleeping on the bed and Bass lurking under my coffee table.”

“I’m not sure tortoises lurk.”

“Maura…”

“I’ll call today.” Maura got up and went into the bathroom. She returned with the first aid kit and a bowl of warm water.

“Are you going to play doctor with me?” Jane smirked.

Maura looked confused. “Jane, I am a doctor. I went to medical school and…”

“Maura.” Jane smiled at her. “It was a joke.”

“Oh.” Maura brightened a little. “Oh, you meant was I going to play doctor with you in a sexual manner.”

Jane closed her eyes momentarily. “Moving on…”

Maura began to unbutton the shirt that Jane was wearing. As she moved her fingers would brush against Jane’s bare skin, and she concentrated on the task at hand, rather than the feel of Jane’s body. She knew that her touch was affecting Jane from the little moans that the detective was trying to cover up by muttering to herself.

Finally the shirt was undone and Maura pushed the fabric away so she could get a better look at the wound. It was covered by a gauze bandage that Maura had tenderly applied the night before, and she edged it off, wanting to cause Jane as little pain as possible.

She felt Jane’s hand on her arm and she looked up, afraid that she had done something wrong.

“Just get it off. I’m a big girl.” Jane forced a smile.

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’ve got a gunshot wound in my stomach. I sort of figured there would be pain associated with it.”

“Did you think about the pain when you did it?”

The words were out of her mouth before she could think and Maura regretted them instantly. She looked back down at the bandage, trying to concentrate on that instead.

But Jane was already replying. “My pain or yours?”

Maura ignored her. 

“Maura. Answer me.”

“I really need to concentrate. And every time you talk your body moves and if you can keep still I won’t hurt you as much.”

Jane narrowed her eyes. “You mean like I hurt you?”

“Jane, I meant what I said about not talking.”

“You’re avoiding the subject.”

“Because I don’t want to talk about it. Please, just stay still so I can do this.” Maura finally got the gauze off and began to gently clean the area with the warm water. 

Jane said nothing, and just watched as Maura finished cleaning the wound and redressed it. When Maura walked back into the bathroom to clean up, Jane finally broke the silence.

“Am I allowed to talk now?”

“That depends on what we’re talking about.”

“Maura!”

Maura appeared around the doorway to the bathroom. “Don’t yell at me, Jane.”

“Then why won’t you give me a straight answer?”

“I already told you that I don’t want to talk about it.”

“So that’s it, we never talk about it? You’re going to stay mad at me forever?”

“I’m not…” 

Jane narrowed her eyes. “You can’t say it, can you? You can’t lie.”

Maura sighed and sat on the bed next to her girlfriend. Her hand rested on Jane’s leg. “I am mad at you. I’m also scared and confused and I don’t understand all of what I’m feeling!” Her voice was shaking, and it rose higher the further she got through her sentence.

“Me either,” Jane replied, her fingers covering Maura’s. “But I don’t want to lose you because I did something st…because of what happened.”

Maura moved closer to her. “You’re not going to lose me. We’re going to work through this, you and I. It’s going to be okay, Jane.” Her fingers ran through Jane’s curls.

Jane looked up at her, worry etched in her features. “You promise?”

Maura smiled and kissed her tenderly. “I promise.”

At least, she hoped she did.

\--


	4. Chapter 4

Maura watched with pleasure as Luke brought in Bass. “He looks better,” she approved.

Luke nodded as he placed the tortoise down on the floor. “He’s eating properly now. And having Joe Friday around certainly cheered him up.”

Joe, at that moment, had scurried into Jane’s room and Maura grinned as she heard Jane’s glee at the dog’s return.

“How’s Jane doing?” Luke asked, bringing in Bass’ food.

Maura glanced quickly at the bedroom, aware that Jane could hear her. “Her wound is healing very well. No infection.”

Jane came out of the bedroom, Joe Friday in her arms. “Hey, Luke.”

“Hi, Jane. Looking good. I mean well. I mean better. Not that I saw you when you were…”

Maura glanced at Jane. “Stop making him nervous!”

“What? I’m not doing a thing! I don’t have my badge or my cuffs or my gun in plain sight!”

“I should just…” Luke edged closer to the door. “Yeah. Uh, get well soon, Jane.”

Maura looked at Jane disapprovingly after Luke went. “You scare him.”

“I can’t help it!” Jane grinned. “Besides, made me feel the best I have in a while.”

“What do you mean?”

“For a few minutes I didn’t feel like an invalid.”

Maura narrowed her eyes. “No one thinks of you as an invalid, Jane.”

“Oh really? Ma’s bringing me over food, you’re not going to work, and every five minutes you’re looking at me like I’m about to fall into a heap on the floor. You’re sleeping like a freakin mummy on the bed because you’re afraid to touch me and I had to talk you into bringing Joe and Bass back here!” Jane was pacing the room, her voice rising as she ranted.

“What you don’t seem to understand, Jane Rizzoli, is that I watched you shoot yourself. I held my hands to your wound to try and stop you from losing too much blood. I begged with you, Jane, begged you not to leave me and your blood was all over my hands and then I sat in a hospital waiting room and I couldn’t do anything except wonder what was going on in that operating theatre while they were trying to sew you back together! So excuse me if I’m a little cautious around you, but I have never been so scared in my life and I don’t know how to act around you now!” Maura looked at the floor, and kept moving herself away from Jane.

Jane stared at her for a long moment. “You…you don’t know how to act around me?”

“I’ve never…this is new to me. Statistically I should have realised the possibility that you could get hurt in your job but it wasn’t something I wanted to think about. And now you’re acting like nothing happened and you’ll just go back to work and you don’t seem to understand that things have changed.”

“I’m not an invalid. That hasn’t changed. I’m still the same person I was before. Our relationship hasn’t changed. I’m still in love with you. We got through Hoyt and we’ll get through this too.”

“Jane.” Maura walked over to her and placed her hands on Jane’s shoulders. “This isn’t about whether I love you or not. You know that I do. It’s about me not having the world experience or the qualifications or the knowledge to accurately and efficiently deal with this situation. Perhaps if I were, I would know that it is alright to hold you at night or that you were perfectly capable to have Bass and Joe here.” 

“So what…” Jane bit her lip. “You’re going to leave?”

“Of course not. That would be inadvisable considering your physical wellbeing, not to mention very unpleasant and distressing for me.” Maura kissed Jane’s lips tenderly. “I will need to get some advice, and surely that will make everything much easier and clearer.”

Jane put her arms around Maura, nuzzling her dark blonde hair. “I love you.”

“It’s not logical for me to leave you,” Maura replied, kissing Jane’s neck. “The pain, the pain would be terrible.” She held Jane’s body as tight as she dared, not wanting to cause the detective any pain. “I love you and I’m here.”

Jane kissed the top of Maura’s head. “Two days, Maura. Two days and I can finally get these stitches out and everything will be okay.”

Maura looked up at her with a smirk. “You think once you get the stitches out everything will magically be fixed?”

Jane ran her hands down over Maura’s butt, pushing the woman’s body against hers. She ignored the sharp pain in her stomach and concentrated instead on Maura’s warmth. “I’ll finally be able to touch you and do whatever I want to you without having to worry about stitches. And then I’ll be able to go back to work and everything will be back to normal.”

Maura didn’t have the heart to explain that things were far from normal and that Jane had a long road to recovery before she’d be allowed on active duty again, but for now she was content just to be in Jane’s arms. The hard parts could be dealt with later.

Jane’s stomach growled and she regretfully broke the embrace. “I need to eat.”

“Good,” Maura nodded. “I’ll get you something, but I will need to go shopping afterwards.”

Jane narrowed her eyes. “What kind of shopping?”

“Food shopping,” Maura promised. She headed into the kitchen. “By the way, it’s Sunday lunch tomorrow. Are you feeling up to going? I know Frankie wants to see you.”

Jane frowned and sat down on the couch, her eyes watching Joe and Bass curled up together. “I…I better wait a bit. At least until the stitches are out. Ma feeds me so much that I could pop them right there at the table.”

Maura got out some bread for a sandwich. “Jane – are you worried about seeing Frankie?”

“Of course not! Why would I be worried about seeing my brother?” came the defensive reply.

“I don’t know. But I observed that you were noncommittal when you spoke about Frankie visiting with your mother, and now you seem uncomfortable with the idea of Sunday lunch with your family.”

“I just don’t think me going out is a good idea. Not at the moment.” 

“Okay.” Maura decided that the subject of Jane and Frankie might be best left for another day.

Jane sat silently stewing on the couch. Doubts had already begun to creep in her mind about what she had done on that fateful day. She knew that she had badly hurt Maura, and deep down she knew it was more than just hurt. By doing what she did, despite leaving Frankie in Maura’s capable hands, she had made it seem like she didn’t trust the woman she loved to take care of him.

And as much as she loved her little brother, she was jealous of him for healing faster than she was. She didn’t want to watch him wandering around their parent’s house while she still winced if Maura hugged her too hard.

And it was back to Maura again. Back to the woman that had once told her that Jane made her feel truly alive. The woman that made Jane feel things she hadn’t felt before. The woman who Jane wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

The woman who’d seen her shoot herself. The woman who now couldn’t sleep without Jane soothing her into slumber. The woman who seemed terrified that something else would happen to Jane.

Jane began to wonder if she’d made a really big mistake.

\--

“Stop it,” Maura murmured.

Jane looked over at the chair beside her, where Maura was browsing through an old issue of People magazine. “Stop what?”

“Tapping your fingers on the chair. It’s distracting.”

“You’re reading an ancient magazine. What does it matter if I’m distracting you?” Jane peeked over at the article. “Brad and Jennifer aren’t even together anymore.” She blinked. “How the hell do I know that?”

“This is the same magazine you read last time we were here.” Maura put the magazine down and turned to Jane, her hand resting over the detective’s. “Are you nervous?”

Jane snorted in amusement. “Me? Nervous. No!” She caught Maura’s look. “Maybe a little.” She sighed. “What if there’s something wrong?”

Maura squeezed Jane’s hand. “We followed all of your post-operative instructions strictly. The wound is clean and there is no infection. And despite you being an exasperating patient at times, I believe that everything will be satisfactory.”

Jane squeezed Maura’s hand back. Then she frowned. “Exasperating? Really?”

Maura smiled. “Maybe a little.” 

“I’ll try and do better.”

“Don’t change,” Maura murmured. “I like you the way you are.”

“Bullet wound and all?”

“Naturally I’d prefer you didn’t have a bullet wound, but I’d like you just as you are.” Maura squeezed Jane’s hand.

“Detective Rizzoli?”

Jane stood up, her hand still tight on Maura’s. The two women followed the nurse in and Jane sat up on the examination table.

“Doctor Johnson will be with you in a moment,” the nurse said, leaving the couple alone in the room.

Jane turned to Maura, who was looking around the office in interest. “Did you really mean that?”

“Mean what?” Maura asked, examining a model of the brain.

“That you like me just the way I am.”

Maura turned to look at Jane for a long moment, before she walked over and rested her hands on Jane’s thighs. “How could you doubt that? How could you doubt the way I feel about you, how much I love you?”

Jane’s hands covered Maura’s. “No, honey. No. I don’t doubt how much you love me. I just meant, I know I’m a pain sometimes and I get grumpy and do stupid things and I’m not very classy – it just meant a lot what you said. That’s all.”

Maura pressed a tender kiss to Jane’s lips. “I love you. Those things are part of you.”

Jane squeezed Maura’s hand. “This doctor better hurry the hell up. I want you so badly right now.”

Maura ran a teasing finger down Jane’s body, a smirk on her lips. “Behave.”

Jane watched as Maura headed back to look around the room. She was about to retort with a rude comment when Dr Johnson came in.

“Hello, Jane. Hello, Maura.”

Jane tried not to giggle when she saw Maura jump back as if she had been snooping. “Hi, doc. Can we get these things out now? I have some stuff I need to do.”

Maura blushed.

“Well, let’s have a look, shall we?” 

Jane unbuttoned her shirt, her eyes on Maura who was chewing her lower lip nervously. Dr Johnson took off the gauze bandage. 

“You’re looking very well. Nice and clean. No sign of infection.” 

“So can they come out?” Jane asked impatiently.

“Yes, I believe so.”

“Great.” Jane heaved a sigh of relief. “When can I go back to work?”

Jane missed Maura’s look of increasing concern.

“Let’s not be too hasty, Jane,” Dr Johnson replied, putting on some gloves. “You had a very lucky escape. We’re lucky the damage wasn’t much worse, or that you weren’t killed. You’re going to have to have some physical therapy, and then it will be up to your lieutenant to decide when you’re fit for active duty.”

“Will there be any permanent damage?” came Maura’s quiet voice.

Jane finally looked up at her girlfriend, and saw the concern and fear on her features. God, she hated that she was doing this to Maura. The guilt that she had buried deep inside her began to rise up again.

“No, she should be fine. The bullet missed all the major organs and blood vessels. As long as she’s careful and does the physical therapy, she’s going to be just fine.”

Dr Johnson finished taking the stitches out, Jane wincing at the uncomfortable sensation. The doctor studied Jane for a minute. “I’m going to give you another prescription for some lower grade pain meds. I know you’re a cop and cops never tell me their real pain level, but I’m comforted by the fact you have Dr Isles to keep an eye on you.”

“So I’m good to go? Can resume all other activities that don’t involve chasing suspects?”

Dr Johnson smiled. “Just take it easy, but yes, you can start slowly getting back into your normal routine. Slowly, I said.”

“Slowly,” Jane nodded. “Great.”

“I’ll get the nurse to make an appointment for your first physical therapy session.” As he walked to the door, the doctor looked back. “Jane, you had a lucky escape this time. As much as I appreciate the business, I don’t want to see you back in here anytime soon, okay?”

“I promise,” Jane agreed. 

When they were alone, Jane buttoned up her shirt. She crooked a finger at Maura. “C’mere.”

Maura walked over to her, taking Jane’s hands in hers. “I love you.”

Jane smiled. “I love you back.”

They shared a long, slow kiss and when they pulled apart, Jane ran her thumb across Maura’s lips.

“Let’s go home.” Her voice was sultry, a promise of things to come.

\--

Back at Jane’s apartment, she watched with barely disguised amusement as Maura fussed around the apartment, muttering to herself about cleaning. Jane finally walked over and stood behind her, placing her hands on Maura’s shoulders. The ME tensed and then relaxed under the familiar touch.

“It’s just me, Maura.” She brushed the soft hair from Maura’s shoulder and placed a gentle kiss on her collar-bone. “You weren’t this nervous our first time together. What is it?”

Maura turned around in Jane’s arms and looked up at her. She reached out and caressed Jane’s cheek with her fingers. “I’m nervous now.”

Jane realised that now was not the time to remind Maura about how insatiable they were around each other. This enforced celibacy had been torture and enough to convince Jane to never, ever to do anything that could stop her from making love with Maura. But no matter how ready and raring she was to go, how desperately she wanted to be inside her lover, Maura had to be 100% there too. So she pressed a gentle kiss to Maura’s fingers. “Of what? Of me?”

“What? No, of course not. I mean, not in that way.” Maura’s head tried to work out what she was trying to say. Finally she began to speak again. “I find that my hormones are overly stimulated because you were in a life or death situation and we’ve been forced to barely touch each other since what happened and sometimes when I get overly stimulated I tend to be a little more aggressive than usual and I don’t want to cause you any pain.”

Jane processed everything that Maura had said, and she finally smiled, her fingers trailing down Maura’s body. “So, basically what you’re saying is that you want me really badly and you’re afraid that you’re going to get so turned on that you might bite or claw or do any of those adorable things you do?”

Maura nodded.

Jane nodded back. “Okay. My turn. Maura, I want you so badly right now that I ache. I need you so badly that I’m so wet it’s almost embarrassing. I want you with me, 100% on this, but god, I need you.”

Maura’s hand snaked between them and she watched Jane’s eyes flutter closed as her hand ran teasingly across the heat she could feel through Jane’s pants. “Okay,” she whispered, “but on one condition.”

“Name it.”

“Tell me if I hurt you.”

“If I’m in any bad kind of pain, I’ll let you know.” Jane arched towards Maura as her teasing fingers pressed a little harder through Jane’s pants. “God…Maura please…”

Maura smiled and leaned in, pressing her lips to Jane’s in a tender kiss. “Bedroom. Because once we get started, we might not make it there otherwise. And while we’ve had some extremely pleasurable love-making on the floor, I don’t think your body will appreciate it right now.”

Jane followed her into the bedroom, watching as Maura shut the door behind them. She then took the phone off the hook and finally picked up her cell and turned it off.

“Where’s yours?” Maura asked.

Jane gestured to the dresser and watched as Maura switched it off.

“I don’t want any interruptions,” Maura said, turning around to look at Jane. “I want to take my time touching you and tasting you and making love to you. After it happened, I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to be able to do that again. And I didn’t like that feeling.”

Jane walked over to her and wrapped her arms around Maura’s waist. “I know. And I hate that I did that. I hate that I hurt you like that. And…”

Maura placed a finger on Jane’s lips. “Shh. Stop talking.” She moved her hands to the front of Jane’s shirt and began to undo the buttons. When it was completely open, she pushed it off Jane’s shoulders.

Jane was finished being complacent and she cupped Maura’s face, taking her lips in a long, deep kiss. Maura moaned and slid her arms up Jane’s chest and around to rest on her neck.   
Jane was fairly sure her body was going to go up in flames from arousal as she felt Maura’s soft body pressing against her skin. She groaned as Maura’s tongue flicked in her mouth and she ran her hands down Maura’s back and cupped her butt, pushing her closer to Jane’s body.

When the kiss broke, Maura’s hand cupped Jane’s right breast, squeezing it gently as her lips dusted kisses on Jane’s shoulders. Jane’s fingers tightened around Maura’s waist, and she finally managed to whisper.

“You undress too. I want to feel your skin on mine.”

Maura stood back and lifted the shirt over her head. She unclasped her bra and tossed it to the floor. Today was not the day for tidiness.

Jane immediately bent down and took a taut nipple into her mouth, sucking gently on the tender flesh. Maura moaned, her fingers tangling in Jane’s curls.

“God you taste good,” Jane murmured, her other hand touching and caressing the other breast.

Maura tugged Jane’s curls, urging her upwards for another long kiss. Her fingers ran down Jane’s body and pushed at the pants, wanting to feel more of Jane’s warm skin against her body.

“Together,” Jane said, breaking the kiss and taking off her pants and panties.

Maura did the same and scooted back onto their bed, reaching out as Jane came into her arms. The touch of skin on skin was electric and Maura ran her hands down Jane’s back as their lips met in a long kiss.

“Jane,” Maura whispered, her hands pushing Jane’s body closer to hers, “I love you.”

The smile lit up Jane’s face and she kissed Maura again. “I love you too.”

Maura flipped them over so that Jane was underneath her, and she kissed her once more. “Please…let me touch you.”

Jane was silent and just nodded, her fingers running down Maura’s body to touch her abdomen. “I want you,” she finally said, one hand moving upwards to caress Maura’s right breast. “I haven’t stopped wanting you since it happened and I hate that I hurt you.”

“Shh,” Maura whispered, bending down to kiss her. “We’re going to be okay, Jane. I love you.”

Jane leaned up, kissing Maura’s lips again. “I love you too.”

Their kisses quickly became long and deep, and Maura dipped her tongue into Jane’s mouth, teasingly flicking against her tongue. 

“Maura,” Jane moaned, as the ME pressed their bodies tightly together. She could feel Maura’s heat against her own and the way she wanted this woman was driving her insane. “Maura please…”

Maura kissed her neck, reaching out to tug lightly at Jane’s ear with her teeth, before whispering, “You ARE wet. I love that I do this to you.” She took Jane’s hand, kissing the scar with such tenderness that Jane felt an overwhelming surge of love for Maura. And then she put Jane’s hand between them, letting Jane’s fingers run over heat. “That’s what you do to me. All the time.”

Jane moaned and kissed Maura’s lips hard, as she ran her thumb over Maura’s clit. The other woman shivered and kissed Jane back deeply, before taking Jane’s hand away.

“Behave.”

Jane smirked. “That’s not what you usually say.”

Maura replied by moved her lips to Jane’s neck, sucking hard. Jane’s eyes flew open wide as she realised exactly where Maura’s mouth was – right over another one of her scars. Unsure of what was on Maura’s mind, but understanding enough to know that Maura needed this, Jane tenderly ran her hands down Maura’s back.

“It’s okay, honey. I’m here. I’m yours. I’m not going anywhere.”

Maura looked up into Jane’s eyes for a long moment, with such deep love and arousal that Jane felt her breathing hitch and a fresh flood of heat rush to her centre. She arched upwards, capturing her lips in another hot kiss, and pressed her body against Maura’s.

When the kiss broke, Maura’s hands travelled down Jane’s body to rest on the new addition to Jane’s scar collection.

“I want to tell you something,” she murmured. “I don’t think I tell you enough, but I feel it.” She pressed a tender kiss to the faint scar on Jane’s neck. “I know you don’t like me looking at them, or touching them. And I know why.” She shuffled down the bed, pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses to Jane’s abdomen. When she reached the new scar, her eyes looked up at Jane. “I think you’re beautiful. Every single cell of your body arouses me. I would rather have every single one of these than lose you, Jane. And when I thought I was going to lose you, when I thought…” She took a deep breath. “I love you. Don’t ever scare me like that again.”

Jane’s hands tangled in Maura’s hair, stroking the soft locks. “I won’t. I love you too, Maura.”

Maura pressed another kiss to Jane’s abdomen, and moved further down, her fingers running up the insides of Jane’s thighs. She heard Jane’s moan as her lips followed her fingers, and she finally placed a long lick to Jane’s core.

“Oh god…” Jane’s fingers tightened in Maura’s hair, and she closed her eyes, tight.

Maura glanced up at her, watching the aching need on her detective’s face. She loved that she could do this to Jane. Make the usually tough as nails detective turn into a pile of gooey, sated mush. With that in mind, she reached upwards, her hand tenderly caressing Jane’s right breast. Jane arched into her touch and murmured Maura’s name, as the hand on her breast travelled down her body to splay over her abdomen, caressing the soft skin.

Jane’s hips bucked as Maura’s lips were back at her centre, pleasuring and tasting every inch. Her tongue travelled over every part of her, before finding her clit, taut and throbbing, and closing her lips around it.

“Maura…” Jane’s voice was pleading and she could feel her long-awaited orgasm building up deeply inside her. “Oh god, Maura…”

Maura’s fingers teasing her entrance, exploring the body she knew so well. Her fingers darted in, taunting the brunette who was straining for her release. She slowly slid one finger inside Jane, curling it until she found the spot she was looking for. Her other hand stayed on Jane’s abdomen, stopping her from thrashing about. 

“Please…oh please…let me…” came Jane’s whimpering pleas.

Maura smiled and slid in another finger, curling it to join the other one. She bent down again, finding Jane’s clit and running circles around it with her tongue, before sucking it into her mouth.

Her name left Jane’s mouth in a choked sob as the orgasm took her, and Maura tenderly took her through it, pleasuring her as Jane’s muscles clenched and unclenched, the detective arching upwards against Maura’s touch.

When it was over, Maura smiled and slithered up the bed, her fingers still caressing Jane’s sensitive body. She pressed a tender kiss to the detective’s lips and brushed some of her damp, dark curls away from her forehead.

“You okay?” she whispered, snuggling closer.

“Let…let me remember how to breathe first,” Jane murmured, her fingers finding Maura’s hand and taking it. “God, Maura.”

Maura chuckled. “You were beautiful.” Her fingers ran down to rest on Jane’s abdomen, just over the scar. “You’re okay? Not sore?”

“I’m fine,” Jane replied, taking Maura’s lips in another long kiss. “But now, I want to touch you.”

Maura watched as Jane straddled her. “Jane…” She closed her eyes as she felt Jane’s lips on hers. “Jane, it won’t take much, believe me.”

Jane pulled away from the kiss, her eyes full of delight. Her fingers ran down to touch Maura’s throbbing centre, and her smile broadened as she watched her lover grip her arms.

“You ARE turned on.” Jane easily slid a finger deep inside Maura, watching her face contort with pleasure and her grip tighten on Jane’s arms.

“Jane…don’t tease, I can’t take it.”

Maura’s eyes widened and she moaned low in her throat as Jane entered her with two fingers, and her hips arched upwards, meeting Jane’s. She was so close, and her eyes locked onto Jane’s. The gaze was intense, and Jane leaned down as she curled her fingers deep inside Maura. 

“I’m yours. Always yours.”

Jane’s name left her lips in a long moan as her orgasm slammed into her. The pleasure was intense and she gripped Jane’s arms tightly, so tightly that it wasn’t until afterwards she realised she may have left bruises.

She was stunned out of her afterglow when she looked at the marks. “Jane…Jane you said you’d stop me if I hurt you!”

Jane bent down, pressing a soft kiss to Maura’s lips. “I’m fine.” She shuffled down on the bed, curling her body around Maura’s. “I love that I do that to you.”

Maura snuggled closer, resting her head on Jane’s shoulder. “I think, when it comes to you, I have rather a possessive streak.”

Jane smiled and kissed the top of Maura’s head. “Well, when it comes to you, I don’t mind.”

\--


	5. Chapter 5

Jane awoke later that night, her body aching. Of course it was aching in some fabulous places, but her stomach also ached. Not that she would take back any second of the time that she and Maura had made love. 

She looked down at the woman curled up in her arms. Apparently mind-numbingly, aching sex worked well to free Maura from the nightmares, because she was sleeping peacefully in Jane’s arms. One of her hands was curled up and barely brushing against Jane’s breast, and her legs were tangled in Jane’s. 

Again Jane reflected on what she’d done to this woman. The woman who taught Jane it was alright to let your guard down every once in a while. That it was okay to be completely open with someone and to let them see you at your most vulnerable.

And Jane had repaid that by bringing Maura pain. Her fingers ran through Maura’s soft hair. She tried to explain rationally to herself why she had shot herself – it had been to save Frankie. But she had left him with Maura – why hadn’t she trusted Maura to take care of Frankie? She loved Maura. More than anything.

Would she have still pulled the trigger if she’d known Maura was watching?

Maura stirred and looked sleepily up at Jane. “Jane…are you okay?”

Jane smiled at the woman in her arms, leaning down to kiss her. “Yeah, I’m okay. Go back to sleep, honey.”

Maura snuggled closer. “Mmm. Love you.”

The detective closed her eyes at the pain shooting through her heart. “Love you too.”

\--

Jane’s first physical therapy session had not gone well. She had refused Maura’s offer to go with her – Maura suspected it was because Jane didn’t like being seen as weak. But afterwards when Jane had come home, Maura had seen how exhausted and in pain Jane was. The detective had downed painkillers and gone to bed. Maura’s trepidation over Jane’s return to work was increasing steadily as the day drew closer. 

Jane could tell that Maura was becoming more anxious about Jane going back to work, but she couldn’t help looking forward to it. Her gun, her badge, strapped onto her body, solving puzzles and putting the bastards away. Maura had gone back to work a few days earlier, but every night she came home she said how much she missed Jane and how they had been having a nice time alone and they should go away.

Jane just wanted to feel like a cop again. Once she got back to work, everything could be normal again. 

Or so she hoped.

\--

The first morning Jane was to go back to work, she awoke to find Maura snuggled up against her. This wasn’t unusual, but the vice-like grip that Maura had on Jane’s hand was. Jane had been to another physical therapy session the afternoon before and had taken painkillers and a sleeping pill before bed. So she was surprised to find Maura gripping her tightly and a light sheen of sweat over the ME’s body.

“Maura?” Jane used her free hand and brushed some hair from her lover’s face. “Honey?”

Maura’s eyes shot open and she looked into Jane’s. “Jane? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” The detective pressed a tender kiss to Maura’s lips. “But you’re not. What is it?”

Maura pulled back and got out of bed, wrapping herself in her silk robe. “I’m fine.”

“Maura, you were gripping me as though you were trying to pull me somewhere. And you’re…” Jane paused. “Were you having nightmares again?”

Maura said nothing, but headed into the bathroom. Jane sighed heavily and also got up, pulling on her Red Sox shirt. 

“Maura…why didn’t you wake me?”

Maura was still silent. Jane rolled her eyes and headed into the bathroom.

“Maura, come on.”

“I didn’t want to wake you. Today is your first day back at work and you needed your sleep.”

“You should have woken me.”

Maura turned and kissed Jane softly. “Go and start the coffee.”

“Maura…”

“It’s fine,” Maura assured her, kissing her once more. “Go make some coffee, otherwise we’ll never make it into work.”

Jane frowned, but finally nodded and headed out to the kitchen. Maura bit her lip and turned on the shower.

\--

Maura was starting to get concerned. It had been two hours, fifteen minutes and…thirty-one seconds since she had left Jane upstairs. They’d kissed in the car, long and hard, and Maura had squeezed her hand as she’d left her upstairs with Frost and Korsak.

But now, instead of going through the notes on her computer, she was wondering what was going on up there.

And then in burst Jane.

“I just got stuck with desk duty and I have to see a shrink!”

Maura turned around, looking at Jane, who was somewhere between exasperated and furious. “Pardon?”

“Desk duty. The lieu decided that until the shrink deems I’m not insane for shooting myself, I’m stuck riding a desk!”

Maura blinked. “Your lieutenant thinks you’re insane?”

“What?” Jane stared at her. “Well, he didn’t say that, but I can read between the lines.”

Maura knew she had to tread very carefully here, and not show her relief at Jane being safer for a little while longer. “Maybe desk duty isn’t such a bad idea.”

There was a long silence in the room, before Jane finally broke it.

“You want me on desk duty?”

“No, of course not. I mean…” Maura took a deep breath. “Jane, you had a serious injury. You could have been killed. Is it so bad that you take a little longer and let the wound heal?”

“Every minute I take off means another part of my reputation as a cop down the tube. I have to work twice as hard, be twice as good as the guys or my credibility as a cop is gone!”

Maura stood up. “Jane, everyone knows you’re a wonderful detective. You have an excellent clear rate and that’s not just due to my exceptional work as a medical examiner. Your skills make my work better and I wouldn’t be able to do my job without you.”

Jane opened her mouth and then shut it again. She didn’t know how to react – caught between her anger and fear about her job and her intense love for Maura. She stood in front of the autopsy sink, saying nothing but just staring at her girlfriend.

Maura took that moment to walk across to her and take Jane’s hands in her own. She kissed them tenderly and then held them to her body. “Please, Jane. Let yourself heal. If you won’t do it for you, just do it for me. Please.”

“Maura…”

“Jane, please don’t make me beg.”

If there was one thing that Jane Rizzoli couldn’t resist, it was pleading and begging from Maura. Unless it involved Maura writhing underneath Jane’s body and begging to be taken, and Jane was feeling impish, she had discovered that Maura was very hard to resist.

“Fine,” Jane grumbled. “I’ll let the damn scar heal a little more.”

Maura kissed her, long and hard, surprising Jane and making her stumble backwards a bit. When the kiss broke, Jane stared at Maura, feeling the stirrings of arousal in her body brought on by Maura’s kiss.

“What was…wow…what was that for?”

Maura shrugged. “I love you.”

“In that case…” Jane kissed her back, deeply. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For brightening my day.” Jane stared at her hands, blushed and then she ran a hand through her hair. “Right. I uh…I better get back. See you later?”

Maura smiled broadly. “Absolutely.”

\--

With Maura’s plea ringing in her ears, Jane sat in the psychiatrist’s office, drumming her fingers on the chair. Over three hours had passed since her meeting with the lieutenant and the sympathetic looks from Frost and Korsak and the begging from Maura.

And now here she was, Detective Jane Rizzoli, stuck on desk duty and in the shrink’s office.

Fucking perfect.

The psychiatrist walked into the room. He was a different one from the one she’d seen after Hoyt. That had been one visit. This one had a file with him.

Fuck. She had a file.

“So, Detective Rizzoli – can I call you Jane?”

Jane shrugged. “Sure.”

“Right. Jane, I’m Dr. Stevens.” He glanced at the file and then sat it on the desk behind him. “So, you know why you’re here, I’m sure.”

“My lieu wants to make sure I’m not insane since I shot myself.”

“You’re not insane, Jane. You did what you did for your brother.”

Jane blinked. “You…uh, yeah.”

“Look, I’m not here to judge, Jane. I’m just here to talk.” Dr. Stevens smiled and sat back in the chair. “So, tell me a little about yourself. Your family, your friends, your…you’re in a relationship?” 

Jane looked over at the psychiatrist, her eyes narrowing. “Yes.”

“What’s his name?”

Jane was silent for a long time, before finally answering. “Her name is Maura.”

“Dr. Maura Isles?”

“You want to get the lesbian jokes out now or save them for later?”

The doctor tried not to smile. “My sister’s gay, Jane. I don’t have any lesbian jokes.” 

Jane relaxed slightly. “Oh.”

“Maura is the medical examiner here, correct?” When Jane nodded, Dr. Stevens continued. “I’ve heard of her. And you of course. You’re both exceptional at your jobs.”

“I’d like to get back to my job,” Jane muttered, folding her arms. “I hate desk duty.”

Dr. Stevens sat back and stared at her. He understood he was going to have to be frank with the young detective. “Here’s the thing, Jane. I’ve been shot too. I had a 50% chance of dying on the table, but I didn’t even have to think about making the choice that you did. But when I got better, I realised what happened had taken a huge toll on me and the people around me. My wife and kids especially. And it took time to recover from that. So I’m just giving you someone to vent to. Yell, scream, cry, joke, whatever. I’m just here to talk.”

Jane stared at him for a long moment. Then she sighed and rubbed her face. “This is all so fucked up.”

“Getting shot is never fun.”

Jane smirked. “Hurts like a bitch, too.”

“Yeah, that’s something that you never forget.” Dr. Stevens smiled. “Look, Jane, I know you don’t want to be here. I get that. But sometimes it’s better talking to someone you’re not involved with – someone who’s unbiased. Sure beats keeping it to yourself.” His face sobered. “I’ve seen too many cops keep it to themselves and then eat their guns. Understand?”

Jane nodded. “Yeah. I get it.”

“Good. So, Jane, how about we talk about what happened that day?”

Jane shifted in her chair. “Why don’t we just talk about me getting shot and how it hurts like a bitch?”

“Because I think you’re recovering from that quite well. I think it’s the emotional fallout that comes with it that is really bothering you.”

Jane looked down at her hands. “I’m mad, and guilty and terrified.”

“And that’s all normal.”

“Well it’s not fair. I figured once I got back to work that everything would be okay again.”

Dr Stevens nodded. “That’s understandable. But until we talk about what happened that day, we’re not going to be able to help you with those feelings. So was it a normal morning? You got up, had breakfast?”

Jane sighed and stared at her hands again. “The alarm went off. I didn’t really want to go out that day. Ironic, huh?” She smiled bitterly. “Maura went to make coffee. I took a shower, and then took Joe out and fed her and Bass while Maura took a shower.”

“Who are Joe and Bass?”

“Joe’s our dog. And Bass is Maura’s tur…tortoise. She’s had him for years.” Jane looked up at the doctor. “You really want to know all this?”

“Of course. Keep going.”

“We had breakfast and we went to work out. Maura had to leave early because Bass wasn’t feeling well.” Jane frowned. “I hope it wasn’t something I fed him. She has an eating plan for him, which I followed so…”

“I’m sure it wasn’t you,” Dr Stevens assured her. “Did you go into work together after the gym?”

“No. I got a call about my parents – the owner of the Dirty Robber said they were having a surprise party. Turned out to be for my brother Tommy getting released from prison.” Jane looked up at the doctor. “I’d rather not get into him at the moment.”

“Okay.”

“ I ended up getting called to a homicide.” Jane looked at him again. “I don’t really want to get into that either.”

“Okay,” Dr Stevens sat forward. “Jane, tell me what happened in the morgue. Tell me about what happened down there with you and Frankie and Maura.”

Jane started rubbing the scars on her hands. “Bobby was…he helped me get Frankie into the morgue. I didn’t know…” She frowned. “I didn’t know he was dirty. He helped me get Frankie onto Maura’s table.”

“You feel guilty that Frankie was hurt.”

“Of course I did! He wouldn’t be a cop, except he wanted to follow me into it. He wouldn’t have even been there!”

“How do you know?” Dr Stevens looked at her hard. “What if you’d become a doctor? He could still have become a police officer. Just because he followed you into the force, Jane, doesn’t make you responsible for what happens while he’s there. From what I’ve read, Frankie is good at his job. He was doing his job when he was shot. He wasn’t there because you were. He was there because it was his job.”

“You want to hear the rest of this story or not?”

“Sorry,” Dr Stevens said, sitting back. He knew better than to push – yet anyway.

“So, he’s up there, and Bobby is watching the door. Frankie had two to the chest – the vest stopped them but…” Jane took a deep breath. “I was trying to reassure Maura, who had been hiding down there the whole time, and trying not to let Frankie see how fucking terrified I was.” She was rubbing her scars harder. “And Maura checked him out and…she’s telling me he’s got internal bleeding.” One hand reached up to brush a tear from her face. “And I can tell Maura’s freaking out, even when she tries to be calm and Frankie was having trouble breathing. And she gives me a medical term and I looked it up and…” Jane took another deep breath. “He was going to die if she didn’t do something. And I yelled at her.” 

“And that really bothers you.”

Jane nodded. “We argue sometimes but this was different. She was terrified and I was making it worse. And even through all that, she helped him breathe.” She ran a hand through her hair. “And then Frankie started coughing up blood.”

“That must have been terrifying.”

“By then the shots were coming closer. I thought Frankie was going to die – and I begged Maura to do something, anything. And she was freaking out, not knowing what to do. And I made it worse.”

Dr Stevens watched as Jane stood up and started pacing. “What did you say to her?”

“I told her that he was going to die, right there, if she didn’t do something. I made it sound like it was all going to be her fault.” Jane rubbed her face. “She still has nightmares from that day and I just…God!”

“Keep going, Jane. Finish the story.”

The grief on Jane’s face was heartbreaking. But she took another deep breath. “Korsak came through on the radio, just after Maura started draining the blood from Frankie’s lung. And that was when all shit broke loose. Those damn cigarettes I still had in my pocket, that I didn’t log into evidence because I was too busy giving Bobby coffee.” She swore under her breath. “The cigarettes had a camera in them, and I had them in my hand and one of Bobby’s friends came in, told him to drop the gun.” She bit her lip. “I had to put the radio down and I’m trying to shield Frankie and Maura from the gun. He’s threatening to shoot Frankie and Maura’s trembling beside me and I can’t do anything but stand there. And he told me to give the cigarettes to Bobby.”

“That’s when you knew.”

“I should have known earlier.”

“Keep going Jane.”

“Bobby shot his friend. Maura was even more scared and I’ve got my hand on her, trying to keep her calm. She hit the radio with her foot so Korsak could hear. That’s when Bobby got the idea to take me hostage.” Jane stared out the window. “I could feel her holding onto me as he pulled me away. I told her I was fine. I thought she was staying with Frankie.”

“Tell me about that moment. When you shot yourself.”

“Bobby was telling me Frankie was already dead. I knew no one was going to shoot while he was holding me hostage.” She sighed. “I guess at the time I thought it was the only way to save Frankie. And god, I didn’t know she was there.”

“Maura?”

Jane wiped the tears away again. “I just did it, on instinct. And I heard her, I heard her scream. I didn’t know she was there when I pulled the trigger. I swear I didn’t…”

“Jane. Jane, it’s alright. You, and Frankie and Maura – you’re all fine.”

“We’re not!” she cried. “Maura is having nightmares and she won’t talk to me. I try and lie awake every night, just making sure she sleeps. Every single day I get up I think she’s going to walk out the door. The one good thing in my life and I’ve broken her!”

“Jane, both you and Maura have been through a traumatic event. It’s going to take some time to recover.” Dr Stevens gestured for Jane to sit down again. “But you both will recover.”

“And how do you know that?”

“Because I’ve been there. And if you and Maura love each other as much as you seem to – you’ll recover. But you’re going to have to work at it, Jane. I know you hate not being in the field and having to come to a shrink – but the only way you’re going to get through this is talking to someone.”

Jane stared at her hands. “Then fix me.”

\--

Maura walked out into the hallway as she heard Jane’s keys in the door. She smiled as her lover walked in. “Hi.”

Jane shrugged out of her jacket and hung it on her hook, then tossed her keys on the table. Maura was mildly concerned that Jane hadn’t said anything yet.

“Jane?”

Jane’s eyes met hers, and Maura backed against the wall. She knew that look. Jane walked over to her and ran her hands down Maura’s body.

“I need to fuck you. Now.”

“O...okay,” was Maura’s quick reply, as she felt Jane’s hand roughly palming her right breast. “Go ahead.”

Jane kissed her, hard and demanding, her fingers already yanking Maura’s clothes from her body. Her hands made fast work of the material, tossing it aside and cupping Maura’s breasts roughly. Maura whimpered into the kiss, trying to arch her body into Jane’s. Instead, Jane shoved her back against the wall, attacking her neck with her teeth and her tongue.

“Oh god…” Maura closed her eyes as she felt Jane’s fingers pushing down Maura’s pants and panties.

Maura knew this side of Jane very well. It had appeared after Leahy had tried to kill her, and once again when Doyle had kidnapped her. It was Jane’s possessive streak, reclaiming ownership of Maura. It was Jane’s way of eradicating any other touch or scent from Maura’s body, replacing it with her own.

It really, really turned Maura on.

But through her arousal induced fog, she wondered what had prompted this outburst. Maura had been at work all day then had come straight back to Jane’s apartment, walked Joe and fed her, Bass and Watson.

Then all coherent thought left her as Jane pushed deep inside, roughly growling “Mine” into Maura’s ear.

This of course just served to make Maura wetter. 

“Jane…please…”

She felt Jane’s thumb circle her clit rapidly, and she could feel Jane’s hot breath against her neck. Maura tried to concentrate on what Jane was saying, but all she could do was hold on as her orgasm slammed into her. She shook in Jane’s arms, the brunette holding her fast against the wall. 

Maura watched as Jane dropped to her knees in front of her, pulling Maura’s pants and underwear all the way off. And as she felt Jane’s tongue take a long lick from her core, she moaned and let her fingers play in the brunette curls brushing against her body. 

“Oh Jane…oh…”

“I want you to come again,” Jane whispered roughly. “I want to make you come again so fucking badly.”

Maura closed her eyes, unable to logically try and process what was going on. Instead everything was reduced to Jane’s lips and teeth and tongue, and her fingers trailing up Maura’s inner thighs. Maura whimpered again, tightening her fingers in Jane’s hair.

“You’re going to make me…” 

The rest of her sentence turned into a scream of Jane’s name as the detective nibbled on Maura’s clit, soothing it with her tongue. Jane stayed where she was, licking and touching until Maura’s orgasm was over, and when it was done, she still didn’t move, instead resting her head against Maura’s legs.

When Maura was finally able to think again, she looked down at the woman in front of her. She ran her fingers through Jane’s hair in a soothing gesture. “Jane, honey, are you alright?”

Ever so slowly, Jane stood up. She pressed a tender kiss to Maura’s lips. “I’m fine. I’m just gonna take a shower.”

And so Maura just stood there, completely ravished and naked, watching her lover walk off to the bathroom.

Maura was very, very confused.

\--


	6. Chapter 6

Jane shut the shower stall, turning the water on as hot as she could stand it. She stood there for a moment, just letting it stream down over her. Then she burst into tears.

\--

By the time Jane had come out of the shower, Maura had fixed her clothes and was working in the kitchen. 

“Feel better?” Maura asked.

Jane seemed to have calmed down slightly, and she looked over Maura’s body. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

Maura lifted an eyebrow. “You gave me two incredible orgasms.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“I’m fine.” Maura rested her hand on Jane’s shoulder. “But you’re not.”

“It was just a long day.” Jane kissed Maura’s hand. “Go have a shower. I’ll finish dinner.”

“Jane…”

“Maura I need…” Jane took a deep breath and kissed her girlfriend. “Just go have a shower, okay? We’ll have dinner when you’re done.”

Maura frowned and headed into the bathroom. As she stood under the hot spray of the shower, she examined the marks on her body that Jane had inflicted – they would definitely leave bruises. She didn’t care, but she was concerned about what had caused it. She could logically understand Jane’s possessiveness after Leahy and after Doyle.

But since...that day, she had barely left Jane’s side. She couldn’t explain this. 

As Maura redressed, she decided that she and Jane needed to talk.

\--

“We better warn Ma that she’s got competition in the cooking stakes,” Jane said, as Maura came out. “You’re getting really good at this.”

“Your mother is an excellent teacher,” Maura replied. She walked over to Jane, put her hands on Jane’s arms and forced the detective to look at her. “You need to talk to me.”

Jane feigned confusion. “What are you talking about? I’m fine. Hungry, but fine.”

“You think I don’t know your idiosyncrasies by now?”

“Idio…Maura, what are you talking about?”

“I remember, the first time you took me like that. Leahy almost killed me. The second time, Doyle kidnapped me.”

Jane started to squirm under Maura’s gaze, but Maura wasn’t letting up.

“I know that look in your eyes, Jane. I know the way your body moves. And I know that something happened today that you’re not telling me.”

“Maura…”

“Jane, please. I love you. Talk to me.”

“I hurt you.”

Maura blinked. “What?”

“I hurt you! I yelled at you, and I tried to make you feel guilty about Frankie and then you saw what I did…I hurt you!” Her voice was strained, upset as she let the feelings tumble out.

“Jane, we were both under a lot of stress. It was a traumatic and stressful situation. I know you didn’t mean it.”

“I love you. And I hate that I hurt you.”

Maura resisted the urge to ask Jane if she still would have shot herself had she known Maura was there. “Shh, it’s okay. I love you too. And we’re both going to be fine, Jane. It’ll take us some time, but we’ll be fine.”

Jane put her arms around Maura, holding her close and feeling the warmth of her girlfriend in her arms. She pressed a kiss to the top of Maura’s head.

And hoped everything would be okay.

\--

Everything had been going reasonably well under the circumstances. Jane had been going to physical therapy, coming home and not talking about it. Then she would go to her therapy with Dr Stevens, come home and not talk about it. And Maura had been silently seeing a psychiatrist – and not talking about it.

On Saturday morning, Jane woke up to the sound of Maura’s cell ringing.

Maura snatched it up, looking apologetically at Jane. “Maura Isles. Oh. Mother.”

Jane’s head fell back to the pillow, rolling her eyes. She had never met Maura’s parents, but was already predisposed to dislike them because of stories that Maura had told her.

“No, I know I’m not at home. Yes, I’m staying with a friend. She was injured at work and I’m looking after her.”

Jane sat up in the bed. Friend? FRIEND? She frowned and got out of bed, pulling on her sweats and a Boston PD t-shirt. Maura’s eyes caught the movement, and she looked at Jane, a confused look on her face. Jane refused to meet her eyes.

“No, I can’t come to the dinner. Because I’m looking after my friend, remember? Yes, she is a good friend. No…” Maura saw Jane was picking up her keys. “Mother, I’ll call you back.” She placed the phone down and looked up at Jane. “Where are you going?”

“Out.”

“Jane…what’s going on?”

Jane tried to stifle the anger bubbling up inside her. “Your friend?”

Maura bit her lip. “Jane…”

“You haven’t told them, have you?”

“Jane you have to understand, my parents…”

“Your parents?” Jane turned to look at Maura, her eyes blazing. “What about my parents? My very Catholic, very religious parents! I told them. I told them about you because I love you and I wanted them to know about you being in my life. And it was scary for me to tell them, but I told them anyway. I wanted them to know how much you mean to me.”

“This is different…”

“How, Maura? How is it different? You’re ashamed of me, is that it?”

“Of course not!” Maura was getting concerned. “I just…I can’t tell them. Not yet. I have to work my way up to it.”

“Great, Maura. That’s just great.” Jane started to walk out of the bedroom. She patted Joe on the way.

Maura got up to follow her. “Jane, I just got out of a dinner with them. It’s a first step.”

“Well why don’t you ring them back? Tell them you can go.” Jane opened the door, the hurt plain on her face. “Tell them that your friend is fine.”

\--

Angela Rizzoli frowned as she heard something consistently thudding against her garage door. Her husband and son were watching a game on television, so she went outside, and was surprised to see Jane tossing a basketball against the door.

“Jane? Are you sure you should be doing that?”

“Hurts too much to get it in the basket.” Jane tossed the ball again, ignoring the pain in her side. 

Angela stood on the front porch, watching her daughter. “Where’s Maura?”

“At home, I guess.” Thump, went the ball.

“You want to come in? Your father and Frankie are watching a game.”

“Don’t want to see Pop or Frankie.” Thump.

“Stay here. I’m getting some lemonade.”

Jane didn’t reply, just kept tossing the ball.

Angela finally returned, two full glasses of lemonade and a plate of homemade cookies on a plate. She sat down on the steps to her house and placed the tray down. “Come over here, Jane.”

Jane let the ball fall to the ground and walked over to sit beside her mother.

“You and Maura had a fight.”

Jane paused, the glass of lemonade almost to her lips. “What makes you think that?”

“Because you look so upset. And because Maura called me. She said she was worried about you.”

Jane rolled her eyes and took a sip. “She shouldn’t be. I’m just a friend.”

“Janie, what’s going on?”

Jane picked up a cookie. “When I told you that I was in love with Maura, were you disappointed with me?”

“What? No. My children cannot disappoint me.” Angela smiled. “I was surprised, but not mad or disappointed.”

“But the church and…”

“First of all, my children are always more important to me than religion. And besides, God loves everyone, no matter what. I really don’t think he cares if you’re gay.” Angela took a sip of her lemonade. “And with all the kids that Adam and Eve probably had, at least one of them statistically should have been gay, right? I bet they got a surrogate and had lots of their own children with their partner.”

Jane tried not to laugh. “I love you, Ma.”

Angela smiled at her daughter. “Now tell me what’s really bothering you.”

Jane sighed. “Maura’s mother called to invite her to some dinner or something. Maura said she couldn’t go because she was looking after a friend.” Jane looked at her hands. “I thought she’d told them.”

“Part of being in a relationship means you’re both going to hurt each other sometimes.” Angela took the glass from Jane’s hands. “And part of being in a relationship is talking with each other and fixing the problems.”

Jane smirked. “You’re kicking me out, aren’t you?”

“Maura was wrong to not tell them – but you were wrong for running off and not staying to talk about it.” Angela stood up. “You love her, right?”

“More than anything,” Jane replied. “And after all this shi…stuff is over, I want to ask her – you know.”

Angela’s smile widened. “Good. So go home and fix it. Stay up all night to fight if you have to. But fix it, Jane. Never let go of her.”

Jane stood up and kissed her mother on the cheek. “Thanks, Ma.”

\--

Maura was pacing the floor of Jane’s apartment, watched by Bass, Watson and Joe. She barely noticed them though, as her brain started running through the possible outcomes of this situation. She wasn’t sure if she liked any of them.

Then the door swung open and Jane was there, staring at her.

“Jane.”

Jane shut the door behind her and leant against it. “I love you. And I shouldn’t have just left without talking to you. But it hurt, Maura.”

Maura walked over to her. “I know. I know, and I’m sorry. You know how much I love you. Please tell me you know how much.”

Jane ran her fingers over Maura’s shoulders. “I know. Believe me, I know.”

Maura hugged her, relaxing as she felt Jane return the embrace. Jane kissed the top of Maura’s head.

“Are you free for dinner tomorrow night?” Maura asked, biting her lip.

“Sure,” Jane said, a little puzzled. “Where are we going?”

“My place,” Maura replied, starting to feel a little braver. “I invited my parents to dinner. I told them I wanted them to meet my girlfriend. Now, there’s no guarantee that they’ll show up, but…”

Jane framed Maura’s face with her hands. “Honey, are you sure about this? I don’t want to push you into something that you’re not ready for.”

“Jane, I love you. You were right – I should have done this earlier. I love you. And don’t you ever believe for a second that I’m ashamed of you. Understand?”

Jane nodded and smiled. “I understand.”

“Good.” Maura took Jane’s hand in hers. “Now, if you don’t mind…I’d like to take you to bed.”

“You would, hmm?” Jane bent down and kissed Maura tenderly. “Does this mean we’re going to have long, hot make-up sex?”

Maura ran her hands down Jane’s body. “Very long. And very hot.”

“I like the sound of that,” Jane replied, letting Maura lead her into their bedroom.

\--


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning, Maura was almost positive she knew what the reply would be, but she still had to ask. “Jane? Do you want to go to your parents for lunch today? You could see Frankie.”

“No,” Jane replied. “I’m still sore from yesterday. We’ll go to dinner with your parents tonight. I’ve got work tomorrow.”

Maura walked over to the couch, where Jane was flipping the channels. “Let me look at it.”

Jane sat still as Maura lifted her shirt, looking at the scar. It was a little red.

“I must have hurt you when we made love,” Maura said, frowning.

“No.” Jane was quick to reply, her hands taking Maura’s. “No. It’s my own stupid fault. I shouldn’t have been fooling around with the basketball yesterday. I tried shooting hoops but it hurt too much. It wasn’t you, okay Maura? It wasn’t you.”

Maura kissed Jane’s lips and let the shirt fall back down to cover the scar. “Your mother said Frankie wants to visit.”

“Frankie should rest.”

Maura got up and headed into the kitchen, getting some strawberries for Bass. “Is there a reason you don’t want to see your brother?”

Jane started flicking the channels again. She could have told Maura that she was jealous of Frankie for healing so well. She could have told Maura that she felt guilty for thinking that if she could go back in time – she might not have shot herself. She could have told Maura that she felt like her guilt was tearing her up – making her choose between Frankie and Maura. Instead she said:  
“Of course not. But he needs to get better, and I overdid it yesterday. Besides, tonight is going to be big. For both of us.”

Maura walked back over to the couch and snuggled up to Jane. “You know, they might not come. I thought I might have given Mother a heart attack over the phone when I told her that I wanted them to meet my girlfriend.”

“They’ll come,” Jane said. “They have to. You’re their daughter. How could they not love you and want to see you happy?”

“You’re biased, Jane,” Maura reminded her. She took Jane’s hand and caressed it tenderly. “But thank you.”

“I can be impartial. I’m a cop, remember?” Jane looked at Maura in the eye. “How could they not love you and want to see you happy?”

Maura burst into giggles and took the remote from Jane. “Let’s find the game and we’ll watch it together.”

\--

Maura smoothed her dress down and patted Joe, Bass and Watson. “You all be good while Jane and I are gone. We’ll be back tomorrow morning, I promise.”

“Or lunch time, depending how late we sleep,” Jane said, walking out into the room.

Maura’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped as she saw what Jane was wearing. “Jane…”

The detective was in the blue dress that Maura had bought her, except this time she wore her hair down. Jane blushed. “Do I look silly? I couldn’t get my hair into the bun – hurts too much to reach that far…”

“You’re stunning.”

“Aw, come on, Maura.”

“You are,” Maura said insistently, walking over to her girlfriend. “You’re absolutely beautiful.”

“I wanted to make a good impression on your parents, you know? I figured they were dress people…they are dress people, right?”

“I don’t care,” Maura murmured, her fingers running over the straps at Jane’s shoulders. “You’re so sexy.”

Jane indulged her with a long, deep kiss, wrapping her arms around Maura’s waist and pulling her close. Maura put her arms around Jane, leaning into her body as they kissed.

When the kiss broke, Jane smiled down at her. “Come on. You can have fun undressing me later. We need to get to your place so I can make a good impression on your parents.”

Maura took her hand. “You’ve already made an excellent impression on me, Detective. That’s all that matters.”

\--

Maura’s parents had been due to arrive at 7.30. By 9.30, Jane could feel the guilt building inside of her. She had pushed Maura into this. If she hadn’t acted like an ass, Maura wouldn’t be in the kitchen, muttering to herself.

Jane got up from the couch and walked into the kitchen, finding Maura doling out some food. “Honey? What are you doing?”

“We have to eat. They’re not going to turn up.”

“Maybe they got stuck in traffic.”

“For two hours?” Maura turned around to face Jane, unshed tears in her eyes. “Sorry. I shouldn’t take it out on you. It’s not your fault.”

Jane hugged Maura tightly to her body, rubbing soothing strokes over Maura’s back. “Everything will be okay, Maura. I’m sorry. So sorry.”

Maura looked up at her, a watery smile on her face. “It’s not your fault, Jane. Besides, all I really need is you.”

Jane just hugged her again, unsure of what to say. Finally, Maura pulled away.

“We’re not going to waste this dinner though. Let’s have it now. You and me.” Maura kissed Jane quickly. “Come on.”

\--

After dinner, Jane had volunteered to clean up. She felt it was the least she could do. She could tell by Maura’s unsubtle hints that she wanted to make love, but Jane knew Maura was hiding how upset she really was.

Which was why she had planned to be very chivalrous and just hold Maura close all night, but when she got up to the bedroom, there was Maura – gloriously naked and laid out on the bed like an offering.

“Good god, Maura.”

“I want you, Jane.” Maura smiled at her. “Come to bed.”

Jane quickly slipped off her heels and her dress. She watched Maura for a long moment, then finally joined her on the bed. They kissed gently, but when Maura reached to remove Jane’s bra, Jane caught her wrist.

“No. I want this to be about you, tonight.”

“But…”

“Please, Maura,” Jane whispered, kissing the doctor’s neck. “Please, let me.”

Maura’s arm relaxed and Jane let go of her wrist, placing the hand back onto the bed. Jane kissed her again, deepening it slowly as her hand skimmed over Maura’s body. 

“I love you,” Jane whispered. “And I don’t care what your parents think – you are the most amazing, wonderful, generous person I have ever met.” _And I don’t deserve you_ , she finished in her head.

“I love you too,” Maura replied, “and I don’t need anyone but you.”

Jane kissed Maura hard, trying to erase the guilty feeling in the pit of her stomach. Maura moaned and wrapped her arms around Jane’s body as the detective trailed kisses down her neck. Jane’s fingers trailed further down, finding Maura’s breasts and caressing them with a light touch. She kissed over Maura’s shoulders, and she rolled the taut peaks of Maura’s nipples between her fingers. 

Maura’s hold on Jane tightened as Jane’s lips followed her fingers and she took Maura’s left nipple into her mouth, sucking hard. 

“Jane…” Maura whimpered as she felt her arousal deepen. She was glad she had undressed – otherwise her underwear would have been ruined.

While Jane moved to Maura’s right nipple, she let her hand skim down over Maura’s abdomen, finally reaching the damp heat of her center. She groaned and her lips followed her fingers, trailing kisses along Maura’s heated skin until she reached her goal.

At Jane’s first long lick, Maura’s hips jack-knifed off the bed, almost unbalancing Jane. The detective simply placed a hand on Maura’s abdomen, gently easing her back down onto the bed.

“Jane…” came the breathless plea.

“Just relax, sweetheart. I’ll make it good, I promise.”

Maura’s hand reached down to play with the curls of Jane’s hair. “You always make it good. Always.”

“You deserve it,” Jane whispered, kissing Maura’s inner thigh. “You deserve everything.”

Maura’s eyes darted down to look at Jane for a moment, wishing she knew what was on Jane’s mind, but the brunette quickly distracted Maura by sliding a long finger inside her. Jane finally looked up, smiling as she felt Maura clench around her finger. She bent forward, flicking her tongue over Maura’s clit.

“Jane…oh…god, Jane…”

Jane slid another finger inside her lover, increasing the speed and force of her thrusts. She sucked Maura’s clit into her mouth and was rewarded with Maura crying out Jane’s name as her orgasm crashed into her.

Jane continued pleasuring Maura, intensifying her orgasm and coaxing her through it. When it was over, Jane crawled up the bed, kissing Maura tenderly and laying down next to her.  
Maura took a couple of deep breaths and she reached over, her hand touching Jane’s breast. Jane grasped Maura’s wrist.

“Not tonight, honey. Tonight was all about you.”

“But…”

Jane kissed Maura deeply. “Shh. I’m a bit tired and sore tonight. Next time, okay?”

Maura cuddled up to Jane. “I love you.”

Jane smiled and let her fingers caress Maura’s back. “I love you too.”

Jane waited until Maura had fallen asleep, before she finally relaxed enough to let herself follow Maura into slumber.

\--

Dr Stevens watched as Jane rubbed the scars on her hands. “You look tired.”

“I didn’t take the sleeping pills last night. I wanted to make sure I was awake if Maura had nightmares.”

“What about your nightmares?”

“Doesn’t matter.” Jane continued playing with her hands.

“Did something happen since I last saw you?”

Jane felt the guilt eating away inside her. “I forced her to come out to her parents.”

Dr Stevens simply continued to watch her. “Forced her?”

“I guilted her into it.” Jane sighed. “Her mother had called in the morning and asked her to dinner. Maura told her that she was taking care of a friend. Because I’m me, I overreacted and left.” Jane rubbed her face. “When I got back she told me she’d invited them to dinner.”

“So how did it go?”

“Didn’t. They didn’t show.” Jane looked up at Dr Stevens, the guilt written over her face. “Part of me was relieved. I mean, Maura is hurting, really hurting and I hate them for doing that to her. But I’m relieved that they couldn’t show her the mistake she’s made.”

“You think Maura has made a mistake in being with you?”

“I love her. More than anything. And I need her.” Jane’s eyes looked down at her hands again. “But she’s smart and classy and from that world where they expect them to marry someone from Harvard. I didn’t even go to college. And I wore a dress. I dressed up so that maybe they wouldn’t see…”

“Wouldn’t see what, Jane?”

“I’m not good enough for her! I’m broken and damaged and, god, last night I wouldn’t let her touch me and I know I hurt her, and…”

“Jane…Jane…” Dr Stevens interrupted her. “Tell me why you didn’t let her touch you. Were you afraid?”

“Of Maura? No. Never.” Jane took a deep breath. “I didn’t deserve it. Not after what I did to her.”

“Jane, listen to me. Love is about accepting the other person – no matter what. Do you believe Maura loves you?”

“Yes.” Jane didn’t even have to think.

“Then Maura obviously accepts you – no matter what. These feelings of guilt over her parents are not warranted, Jane. From what I’ve heard of Maura and what you’ve told me – if Maura hadn’t wanted to tell her parents, she wouldn’t have made that call.”

“But I guilted her into it!”

“You think Maura is that easily swayed?”

Jane smirked. “I tried bribing her once. With chocolate that had gold flecks in it. I failed miserably.”

“There’s your answer. I think Maura is stronger than you give her credit for.”

Jane smiled. “Yeah, she probably is.”

\--

Maura arrived home later that evening, due to her meeting with the assistant ME about another case. She had also been to her therapist – talking about her concerns about Jane, about Jane’s reaction to Frankie and her own thoughts about her parents. She unlocked the door. Discussing her parents alone could make a therapist rich.

She patted Joe who was bouncing around her legs, and said hello to Bass and Watson, who were idling in the living room. Maura turned on the lights and nearly fell over in shock as she saw Jane sitting on the couch.

“Jane! You scared me to death!”

Jane stood up, and it was then that Maura realised Jane was wearing the same dress she had worn the previous night.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to. I was just thinking.”

Maura put her bag and keys down. “Did we have a dinner date? You look beautiful.”

“No, we didn’t have a date. And thank you. I was just…” Jane walked over to Maura and took her hands. “I love you. And I remembered that last night you told me that you wanted to undress me and I didn’t let you, so…” Jane smiled. “Is a day late still okay?”

Maura’s face lit up. “I love you too. And a day late is perfect.”

\--


	8. Chapter 8

Maura led Jane into their bedroom, shutting the door behind her. Her fingers ran down the sides of Jane’s body. “I love you,” she whispered. “And I want you 100% with me tonight, okay?”

Jane nodded, her eyes locked onto Maura’s. “Okay.”

Maura’s face lit up with happiness. “Okay.”

Jane let Maura lead and sighed in pleasure as Maura kissed her softly. The kisses were short and sweet, Maura’s lips repeatedly brushing against Jane’s as her fingers toyed with the straps of Jane’s dress.

“Maura,” Jane whispered. “Please…kiss me more.”

Maura smiled and framed Jane’s face with her hands. Then she leant forward and kissed Jane deeply. Jane moaned and wrapped her arms around Maura’s waist, pulling her tightly against her body. Maura ran her tongue over Jane’s bottom lip before slipping it inside and stroking against Jane’s tongue. 

She felt Jane’s fingers tightening on her hips, so she pulled back from the kiss and moved behind Jane, slowly unzipping the back of the dress. Maura helped Jane step out of the dress, then took a step back to admire her lover. Dressed in nothing but a blue bra and panty set with her heels, Maura thought she looked incredibly beautiful.

“You’re so sexy,” Maura whispered, urging Jane to lie on the bed.

Jane tried not to blush. It didn’t matter how many times Maura told her, she was still amazed that Maura found her sexy.

Maura undid the straps of Jane’s heels and put them on the floor. She then took off her own shoes, shirt and slacks, before joining Jane on the bed.

They kissed again, long and hard as Maura unclasped Jane’s bra and gently took it off. She was tender with her movements this evening – something intuitively told her that Jane needed tenderness and love. Her hands cupped Jane’s breasts, stroking gently as their lips met again in a long kiss. 

“Maura,” Jane whispered as the doctor’s warm lips trailed kisses down her neck. “Don’t stop…”

“I won’t,” Maura murmured back, her thumbs running across Jane’s nipples. “You feel so soft, Jane. I love to touch you and watch every reaction, every sigh, every whimper.” Her lips met Jane’s again, before kissing her shoulders. “Every orgasm that leaves you trembling in my arms.”

Jane whimpered and arched her body against Maura’s. “I need you…”

“Shh,” Maura smiled. “I know. I’ll get you there.” She kissed her way down to the tips of Jane’s breasts, and then swirled her tongue around the taut peak of Jane’s right nipple, before sucking it into her mouth.

Jane moaned and her fingers tightened on Maura’s back. She felt so incredibly aroused, so turned on by the loving touches that Maura was bestowing on her. She loved this woman more than anything in the world and she was determined that no matter what, she’d spend the rest of her life trying to make Maura happy and make herself worthy of Maura. She needed her more than she’d ever admit and…

“Jane…” Maura said, her hands framing Jane’s face. “Stay with me. I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I want you to stay with me for all of this. Understand?”

Jane nodded, her head turning to kiss Maura’s palm. Maura leant up and kissed her on the lips, hard and needy.

“Because if you don’t stay with me,” Maura continued, peppering Jane’s shoulders and chest with kisses, “I’ll stop, and I don’t think you want to spoil my fun, do you?”

Jane shook her head, no, and Maura smiled, kissing her lips once more. Then she kissed down her body again, her fingers pausing at the hem of Jane’s underwear. Maura glanced upward, just to make sure Jane was watching, and when she was sure that Jane was she pulled the underwear down and off, tossing them over the side of the bed.

“Spread your legs for me,” Maura urged, her hands running down Jane’s inner thighs. 

When Jane did so, her eyes locked onto every movement Maura made, Maura bent down and pressed kisses to each inner thigh. 

“Maura…” Jane pleaded, “Maura I need…”

“I know,” Maura replied, her fingers teasing Jane’s heat. She leant up and kissed Jane’s lips. “Sweetheart, you’re so wet.”

Jane’s hips arched towards Maura’s fingers and she whimpered. Her whole body was aching for Maura’s touch and her eyes were pleading with Maura to continue.

The doctor smiled and settled herself between Jane’s legs, her fingers still caressing Jane’s inner thighs. 

“Maura please…I’m begging you…”

“Can’t have that,” Maura murmured, kissing Jane’s inner thigh.

When Maura’s tongue slipped into her folds, Jane whimpered again, her fingers tightening on the bed sheets. Maura moaned against Jane’s core, licking and sucking on the sensitive flesh. Maura’s fingers caressed Jane’s abdomen, and, feeling how close Jane was to the edge, she flicked Jane’s clit with her tongue and then sucked it deep into her mouth.

“Maura!” Jane’s orgasm crashed into her and she arched off the bed as Maura continued to lick and suck at her until the pleasure had ebbed.

Maura kissed Jane’s inner thigh, then her abdomen and then finally her lips, before curling up next to Jane. The detective was breathing heavily, and she finally put her arms around Maura.

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Maura whispered, kissing Jane’s neck.

“No…god no,” Jane replied, her fingers running down Maura’s back. “That was incredible.”

“Mmm, I thought so too.”

“I love you, Maura,” Jane said, looking down at the woman in her arms. “I love you more than anything in the world.”

Maura looked up at her, a broad smile on her face. “I know, Jane. I love you too.”

\--

“Jane and I have an above average sex life.”

To her credit, Dr Lillian Sanderson didn’t even blink. Luckily for Dr Sanderson, she was quite used to Maura. They had first met not long after Maura broke off her engagement with Garrett Fairfield, and then again when Jane had been taken by Hoyt the first time. Maura had never told Jane that she saw Dr Sanderson at that time – she knew Jane was dealing with her own problems and her own insecurities. She didn’t need to worry about Maura’s concerns. 

Still, Dr Sanderson knew that despite her rather unique opening, Maura had something on her mind. “Well that’s good to hear, Maura. You’re a healthy woman, in a loving relationship.”

Maura smoothed the wrinkles out of her skirt. “The other night, after my parents didn’t come to dinner, she wanted to make love to me. But she wouldn’t let me touch her.”

“That bothered you.”

Maura frowned. “Sometimes I think there is something she is not telling me – or something that she doesn’t want to burden me with. That night it seemed like she was not really with me.” She looked up at Dr Sanderson. “Which of course makes no sense, because she was actually with me.”

“Maura, you said that when Jane was attacked by Hoyt and you were first together that you felt she was keeping things from you.”

“And she was. She was ashamed of herself for getting into that situation.”

“And have you talked to her this time? About what’s bothering her?”

Maura stood up and walked over to the window, her arms crossed. “This time it’s different.”

“Because someone else didn’t inflict the pain?”

“I was down there, with her. I took care of Frankie. Then that police officer took her upstairs and she…”

“You’re angry at her.”

“Yes.” Maura sighed. “Yes. And hurt. She knew I was taking care of Frankie and she went and shot herself anyway. And I…I saw her. And I screamed at her. And she did it anyway.”

Dr Sanderson looked up at the woman in front of her. “Maura, did she hear you?”

“I don’t know.” Maura came and sat back down. “I can’t understand her actions. I didn’t grow up with a sibling. It’s not something I can research and understand. All I understand is that I love her, and I know she loves me and what she did hurt me.” She stared at her hands. “And I’m afraid it could happen again.”

Dr Sanderson frowned. “You think Jane would shoot herself again?”

“No. At least she better not or I’ll…” Maura calmed herself. “But she is a police officer. She could get hurt. Or worse. And I don’t know if I could…”

“Maura, you need to talk to Jane about this. Tell her how you feel.”

“Being a cop is her life. I could never, ever take that away from her.”

“I’m not suggesting that. I’m telling you to talk to her and explain your worries and concerns.”

“And what if she chooses her job over me?”

“It’s not a choice, Maura. You both have to work to find a way that the two can exist together.”

Maura looked up at the doctor sadly. “And what if we can’t?”

\--

Jane fidgeted with her hands. Dr Stevens had decided they were going to talk about the moment Jane had shot herself. All Jane could think about was Maura’s voice, begging her not to die and leave her alone.

“Where was Maura when you shot yourself?”

Jane sighed. “She was in the morgue with Frankie. Then I saw her run out and she kept yelling my name.”

“And you still shot yourself. Even though Maura was watching.”

“I had no choice.”

“Was the shooter distracted by Maura shouting?”

“How the hell should I know?”

“Why didn’t you let Korsak or Frost take the shot?”

“They wouldn’t have taken it. Couldn’t get a clear shot.”

“You said you felt guilty about Frankie getting shot. Did you feel guilty about Maura as well?”

Jane shifted in her chair. “What do you mean?”

“You said you had to yell at her and you treated her badly in the morgue. Then she saw you get shot, even though she called for you. Do you feel guilty about Maura?”

Jane frowned. “Yes. Fine. Okay, I feel guilty about Maura too. Thank you for pointing that out.”

“Jane, I’m not talking to you about this to make you feel guilty. I need to find out what’s eating you up inside. I’m trying to understand what’s in your head.”

Jane snorted in amusement. “Even I don’t understand what’s in my head, doc. What makes you think you can?”

Dr Stevens leant back in his chair. “So tell me, Jane. What’s in your head?”


	9. Chapter 9

Maura made the first tentative move about Jane’s job, and regretted it the second she did. They were eating lunch together, sitting on a bench in the park. Jane was looking relaxed – Maura was feeling nervous.

“Are you enjoying work?” Maura asked. 

Jane glanced at her. “What do you mean?”

“I know you were frustrated with being at home all the time. Being back at work must be nice.”

“It’s not really work,” Jane replied, eating her sandwich. “It’s torture. It’s some kind of weird limbo where you’re not allowed to do your job until a shrink who barely knows you decides that you’re not crazy.”

“You’re still at work though,” Maura pointed out. “Instead of being at home. That has to be good. You like that, right?”

Jane narrowed her eyes. “There’s something going on in your brain that I’m not getting, isn’t there?”

Maura took Jane’s hands in hers. “I love you. More than anything in the world. You know that?”

All of a sudden Jane didn’t want the rest of her sandwich. “Of course I know that. I love you too.” Jane took a deep breath. “Maura, you’re scaring me.”

Maura smiled and leaned in for a kiss. “Don’t be scared. Just listen. When we started our relationship, you wouldn’t let me get close to you. And I know part of it was because of what Hoyt did to you.”

“Maura…”

“Just listen. And when you went back to work for the first time after that, I was scared. But you had finally let me in and I was so deeply in love with you by then that I put it aside and we both moved on. And we both moved on after Hoyt, after Leahy, after Doyle.” Maura kissed Jane’s hands. “I know that you hate desk duty, but right now, it’s helping me.”

Jane looked wary. “You want me on desk duty for the rest of my career?”

Maura felt the deep temptation to say yes, but knew that doing so would cause a huge rift between the couple. She also knew that deep down inside, she liked Jane doing what she did – it made her…Jane. “No, of course not. That’s not you. That’s not the Jane Rizzoli I fell in love with.”

Jane let out a breath she didn’t realise she was holding. “Okay. So what? What’s the matter?”

“I was hurt by what you did. And angry. And I’m sure part of it is because I don’t understand sibling relationships, but Jane – what would I have done? What would I have done if you left me alone? I’m so much in love with you and I don’t know how I could have…” Maura took a deep breath, wiping the stray tears from her eyes. “I just need you…I need you to promise me that you’ll be careful.”

Jane reached out, her fingers caressing Maura’s cheek. “Maura…you know my job comes with risks. But I promise, I swear to you, that I will never, ever shoot myself again. You are everything to me. Everything.” She framed Maura’s face with her hands. “You know that, right? You are everything to me.”

Maura leant forward and kissed her. “I know. And you are everything to me. That’s why I need you to be careful.”

“I will. I’ll be careful.” Jane smiled. “I’d love to kiss you and so much more now but as an officer of the law, I’d hate to have to arrest myself.”

Maura kissed her again and they went back to the station. As the lift closed, Maura pressed the button for the morgue. Her hand took Jane’s and squeezed it.

“We’re going to look at a body?” Jane asked.

“No,” Maura replied.

When they arrived at the morgue level, Maura led Jane into her office and closed the door behind them. Then she turned and looked expectantly at Jane.

“Now.”

Jane blinked. “Now, what?”

“Now I want you to kiss me the way you wanted to in the park.”

A broad smile appeared on Jane’s face and she advanced towards Maura. Her hand rested at Maura’s hip, pulling the woman tight against her, and then their lips crashed together.  
Maura moaned and arched her body into Jane’s. She knew that making out with her lover at work was probably not the wisest thing to do, but she just wanted Jane to herself for a little while longer. She felt Jane’s fingers holding tightly to her body, keeping them anchored together.

“I love you,” Maura whispered, kissing her again.

“I love you too,” Jane murmured. She caressed Maura’s cheek. “You sure you’re okay?”

Maura nodded, turning her head so she could kiss the palm of Jane’s hand. “I’m fine.” Reluctantly she pulled away from the detective. “You should get back to work. Or I should. We both should.”

Jane smirked. “Did our makeout session muddle your genius brain?”

Maura blushed. “See you later, Jane.”

Jane chuckled. “See you later, Maura.”

\--

Things had seemed alright for the next couple of days. Jane and Maura had been kept busy by work, and Jane’s biggest injury had come from a paper cut. Maura had taken great delight in kissing it better.

Jane had become very interested in a murder case that Frost and Korsak were working, and, feeling sorry for their frustrated colleague, the two had been showing her case files, bouncing off ideas with her.

And that was where the trouble started.

\--

Jane was overtired. She still wasn’t taking her sleeping pills, because she wanted to keep awake in case Maura needed her. She also wasn’t taking her pain meds because they made her feel drowsy. Jane didn’t want Maura feeling guilty about keeping her awake, so she hadn’t told the doctor that she wasn’t taking any pills.

Her exhaustion was probably why she was swearing at the computer and going to throw the entire thing out the window. Just as she was about to heave the keyboard through the window, Korsak stood up.

“Jane, I’m going out to get lunch. Come with me. We’ll bring it back here so you can still eat with Maura.”

Jane stared at the computer, and then pushed her chair back. “Sure, why not? It’s not like I’m needed for anything else around here.”

Korsak frowned. Jane went to grab her gun, and he shook his head.

Jane swore under her breath and then they went down to Korsak’s car.

As he drove, Korsak kept glancing at Jane, who was staring out the side window.

“So…how’s Maura?”

“She’s fine.”

“And Frankie?”

“He’s fine too.”

“And…”

“What do you really want to know, Korsak?” Jane looked over at him. “If I’m crazy?”

“I know you’re not crazy. You did what you did for your brother.”

“Well if you could fill in the captain, my shrink, Maura and probably the rest of the precinct on that, I’d appreciate it.”

“Maura doesn’t understand?”

Jane sighed and stared out the window again. “I don’t know. I hurt her. And I scared her. And I hate that I did that to her. And I’m questioning everything – what I did, what I should have done, what -”

“Any cars in the vicinity – assault in progress…” 

The radio interrupted Jane and Korsak picked up the radio by habit, saying he’d respond. When they arrived at the scene, Korsak looked at Jane.

“Stay in the car. You don’t have a piece, and I don’t want to explain to Cavanaugh why a cop on desk duty was being active. Stay in the car.”

As Jane watched Korsak race towards the back of the building, she swore. “Like hell.”

Jane jumped out of the car and ran towards the front of the building. She thought she could hear Korsak yelling to the perp at the back of the building, so she was surprised to soon find a young man standing in front of her, holding a gun to her head.

“I’m unarmed,” Jane said quickly, showing her hands. “And…”

The bullet whizzed past, barely clipping the side of her head. She fell to the ground, swearing as the man ran off.

Jane lifted her hand, touching the side of her head, wincing as she came away with blood. “Fuck.”

Vince was beside her in a second, looking her over. Jane groaned.

“I’m fine, I’m fine. Idiot can’t shoot for shit.”

“You’re the idiot, Jane.”

Jane got up, frowning at him. “Excuse me?”

“What has gotten into you? You took a stupid risk and you’re going to get yourself killed. I swear, Jane, if you don’t stop acting like this, I’m going to tell the lieutenant.”

Jane’s eyes almost bugged out of her head. “You’re what?”

“I don’t want you to end up on Dr Isles’ slab.”

Jane winced at the mention of Maura’s name. And, to compound her frustration, before she could reply to Korsak he was reporting the incident on the radio.

“Shit.”

\--

Maura frowned as she went to get onto the elevator. Usually Jane came to get her at the end of the day and they went home together, so she was surprised to find that Jane hadn’t arrived by quitting time. As the elevator doors opened, she smiled when she saw Korsak.

“Hi, Vince.” She stepped onto the elevator. “Is Jane busy? She’s usually down here by now.”

Korsak blinked and looked at her. “You…you haven’t seen Jane?”

Maura began to feel uneasy. “No. I thought she was upstairs.” When she noticed the look on Korsak’s face, she almost froze from fear. “What’s happened? Where is she?”

“She’s okay,” Korsak assured her. “The hospital said she was…”

“The hospital? What’s going on? Where is she!?” Maura’s mind was back at that day in front of the precinct. 

“I took her to pick up lunch and I got a call. I went to take it and told Jane to stay in the car, but she got out…”

“She got out? She doesn’t have her gun!”

“The perp tried to shoot her but it was just a graze. She’s fine.”

“Where is she?” Maura felt the pain spreading through her body.

“I think she went home.” Korsak put his hand on Maura’s arm. “Look, I thought she told you. I…”

Maura took a deep breath. “It’s fine, Vince. Not your fault.” She set her mouth in a line. She and Jane needed to talk.

\--

Jane groaned as she opened the fridge. Her head was throbbing, but the doctor had given her the all clear. The entire afternoon she’d been thinking of how exactly to explain the bandage on her head to Maura, but she was still at a loss.

“What the hell were you thinking?”

Jane turned around to see Maura in the doorway, and she watched as the doctor slammed the front door. “Maura. Hi.”

“And you hid it from me? How could you not tell me you’d been hurt?” Maura was standing in front of her now, and when Jane saw how red her eyes were from tears, she felt a wrench in her gut.

“Maura, I didn’t want you to worry. It’s just a scratch…”

“Jane! Someone shot at you! You could have been killed!” Maura took a deep breath, trying to stem a new batch of tears. “Less than a week ago you promised me you’d be careful. You promised, Jane! After I told you how scared I was of losing you and…and you just ignored that!” Jane had never broken a promise to her before, and it hurt, really hurt. She wasn’t sure which hurt more – the fact that Jane had broken her promise, or the fact that Jane hadn’t told her about the incident at work.

“No…Maura.” Jane took a step closer and watched with guilt as Maura stepped backwards, away from her. “Maura, I didn’t ignore it. You know you mean everything to me!” She fidgeted with her hands. “It isn’t what you think.”

“Korsak told me what happened.”

“Korsak needs to mind his own business.”

“I’m glad he told me.” Maura bit her lip. “Were you going to tell me?”

“I was doing my job.”

“You’re on desk duty, Jane? Do you remember why? Because you almost DIED. Your job is to speak for the victims. Not to become one.” Maura held up a hand as Jane started to speak. “No…I…I think I should stay at my place tonight.” She needed space. She needed to think. 

Jane watched in astonishment as Maura walked into their bedroom. “Fuck,” she growled.

“Language!”

Jane folded her arms and started swearing under her breath. Then she took a deep breath and followed Maura into the bedroom. 

“We’re not leaving it like this.”

“I think we should, don’t you?” Maura slung her bag over her shoulder. “Clearly what I say doesn’t matter. What I think and feel doesn’t matter. You’re so concerned with proving yourself to be some big bad cop that I just fall by the wayside.”

Jane sighed and stared at Maura. “What do you want from me? You want me to give up my job? You know I can’t do that.”

Maura stared at her for a long moment, then went and picked up her purse. “I think we should take a break for awhile.”

Jane’s jaw almost dropped to the ground. “You…you what?”

“You’re a lot better and today proves that you clearly don’t need someone to look after you.”

“Maura…come on.” Jane followed Maura back into the living room.

“No, Jane, you come on. I need some time to think about you and this and…and I can’t sit around and watch you self-destruct. If you want to take stupid risks and get yourself killed, that’s your business.”

“It’s my job!”

“Fine,” Maura said, grabbing her keys. “Do your job. But don’t expect me to be here to watch you get yourself killed because you’ve got some kind of death wish.”

“Maura. Maura…” 

“I’m sorry, Jane.” Maura opened the door. “But you hurt me. And you broke your promise. You’re not the Jane Rizzoli I fell in love with. I don’t know who you are anymore.”

Jane watched Maura slam the door behind her and she frowned. “I do NOT have a death wish!”

She glared at the door for a few more minutes before noticing that Joe Friday was staring at her. Jane’s grumpiness hit a new notch. “What are you staring at?”

With a growl of frustration, Jane headed into her bedroom and slammed the door.

\--


	10. Chapter 10

Jane kicked the vending machine. She hadn’t slept the night before – she’d woken up sobbing from the nightmares, her hands searching for Maura and instead finding the empty bed beside her and a terrified Joe Friday. 

That morning, when Luke had arrived to take Bass and his things back to Maura’s, she had told him to take Watson and Joe. Jane felt that the last thing the dog and tortoise needed was their owner losing her mind.

And she was certainly starting to wonder.

She kept replaying the previous day over and over in her head. Jane was starting to think she really was crazy. She couldn’t remember why she got out of the car. Why she put her life in danger – again. And for what? They hadn’t caught the perp, she had a throbbing headache – and she was alone. Her own stupid fault. 

Her fingers rolled around the bottle of pain medication in the pocket of her jacket, finally pulling it out and downing a couple of pills. She kicked the vending machine again, sighing in relief as she grabbed her candy. 

“Jane?”

She whirled around, seeing Korsak in front of her. “What?”

Korsak took an involuntary step back. He wasn’t sure if the detective looked angry or crazed, but either way he was sure the outlook wasn’t good for him if he stayed too close. “Just wondering if you wanted lunch.”

Wordlessly, Jane held up the candy bar.

“You going to eat that with Maura?”

Jane took a bite of the candy bar. “Nope.”

Korsak lifted an eyebrow. “Everything okay between you two?”

“None of your business,” came the reply, as Jane stalked back to her desk.

Korsak followed her. “About yesterday…”

“Butt out, Korsak. It’s none of your business.”

“I just…”

Jane turned to look at him and the anger, grief and pain in her eyes made him flinch. “Back off.”

Korsak glanced at Frost, who shrugged. Jane went back to her computer, viciously chewing the candy bar, lost in her thoughts.

\--

“I left Jane. And the rational, intellectual part of me knows that it was the right thing to do, but the emotional part of me is in terrible pain.”

Lillian Sanderson’s eyes followed Maura as the doctor paced around the room. “Tell me what happened, Maura.”

“I talked to her. Just like you told me. And I didn’t make her choose, I just asked her to be careful. And she said she would. She said I meant everything to her.” Maura wrung her hands. “Then the next day she went to get lunch with her old partner and he had to go on a call and Jane almost got killed. Again!” The tears were streaming down her face as she realised how close she’d been to losing Jane a second time. The memories of that day at the precinct – Jane’s blood all over her hands, Jane telling her she loved her, Maura begging her not to leave her, not to die.

“Maura…Maura, sit down,” Lillian encouraged her. When Maura was seated, Lillian handed her a glass of water. “Take a moment.” Once she saw Maura had calmed down, Lillian sat back on her chair. “Now, continue.”

“I love her,” Maura said. “More than anything. And I know that she loves me. But I feel like she’s trying to prove something – to herself, to me, to everyone. I don’t know. But it hurts too much. I can’t…I can’t deal with all my feelings about what happened if she is continually getting into these situations!”

“That’s understandable,” Lillian nodded. “What do you think she is trying to prove?”

“I don’t know.” Maura stared at her hands. “I wish I did. I know that she doesn’t think she deserves me, but I always tell her that she does. I need her. I don’t understand the constant belief she has to be just as good as the male detectives – she’s better than they are.”

“Sometimes people believe that in male-dominated jobs that women need to prove their capabilities.”

Maura sniffed. “That’s just ridiculous. But I can understand it.” She looked back up at Lillian. “What am I going to do? How can I make her see how wonderful she is?”

“Maybe she needs to find out on her own,” Lillian suggested.

\--

Jane kicked her boots off as she walked into her apartment. She shut and locked the door behind her, and padded over to the table and put her gun in the drawer. Jane paused and took it out again, sitting it next to her keys and badge.

She walked over to the kitchen and opened the fridge, grabbing a beer. Then she grabbed her bottle of pain pills and sleeping pills. Jane sat in front of the couch, downing her beer and a couple of pain pills.

_You are everything to me._

Jane took another swig of beer. Maura was better off. She had to be better off. After all, someone as wonderful and amazing as Maura definitely deserved someone better than a screwed up cop who still had nightmares about a man staking her hands to the ground.

Hoyt.

She stared at her hands, at the scars that adorned them. Ugly. Ugly scars that shouldn’t touch Maura. Ugliness that Hoyt had given her.

She wondered if he’d somehow gotten his own ugliness into her – in her brain, in her heart. Jane shook the feelings away. Stupid, stupid Jane.

She was just damaged and broken. And Maura was better off without her.

\--

Maura’s days and nights had become routine. She saw her psychiatrist and worked on her own issues. She went to work, went home, walked Joe, fed Bass and Watson and the dog, then herself. Usually she read a little before bed, which was normally a fitful night without Jane’s arms holding her.

The days passed in a blur for Jane. She worked at the desk all day, ate at her desk, went home, drank, took her pain meds and her sleeping pills, fell asleep on the couch and woke up in the morning with a hangover and her body sore.

Jane had another appointment with her psychiatrist and she sat in the office, saying nothing and staring at her hands.

“You seem upset today, Jane.”

“I’m fine.”

“Has something happened at work?”

“Work is fine.”

“At home then. How is Dr Isles?”

“I wouldn’t know. She went back to her own home.”

“You two had an argument?”

Jane snorted in amusement. “I wouldn’t call it that. She decided she needed to get away from me because she thinks I have a death wish.”

“And do you?”

Jane said nothing and looked at her hands. “I’m a cop. It’s my job.”

“Your job is to try and get yourself killed?”

Jane glared at him. “I’m not trying to get myself killed.” She looked back down at her hands. “Maura is better off without me anyway.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Look at me! I’m a wreck!” She held up her hands, putting the scars on display. “Damaged.”

Dr Stevens sat back in his chair. “Talk to me about Charles Hoyt.”

Jane froze and gritted her teeth. “We’re not here about Hoyt.”

“Really?” Dr Stevens watched her carefully. “I’m starting to think we are.”

\--

Jane finished her second beer and stared around her apartment. Hoyt. She stared at her hands. Hoyt.

_You’re not the Jane Rizzoli I fell in love with._

Hoyt.

\--

It was easy to get into the prison. Most people knew her. It was easy to get him in an interrogation room alone. It was also surprisingly easy to get her gun in – she was owed a lot of favours and criminals that targeted cops were always hated.

Everyone knew who she was. She wasn’t trying to hide anything.

She just wanted to talk to him.

“Jane.”

Jane rested her hand on her gun. “Imagine seeing you here.”

“Imagine.” Hoyt smiled at her. “How’s your Dr Isles?”

Jane’s grip on her gun tightened. “We’re not here to talk about her.”

“Really?” Hoyt looked over Jane, from her face all the way down to her feet. “How are your hands?”

Jane took a deep breath and took out her gun, placing it on the table in front of her. “You remember the last time we spoke? I told you what I wanted to do with my gun.”

“You came to carry out your threat?” Hoyt smirked. “Trying to exorcise my face from your dreams?” He leaned forward. “When you have sex with Maura – is my face on hers? Do you think of me?”

Jane’s fingers gripped around her gun, her hand on the trigger. “You’re just tempting me even further, Hoyt.”

“Why don’t you point that gun at the person you really hate?” Hoyt leaned forward again. “Yourself.”

Jane lifted an eyebrow. “You think I hate myself?”

“I know you do, Jane. Otherwise why would you be here?” He grinned. “Or did you come to me so I’d do it for you? You’re too much of a coward to shoot yourself – so you’re allowing me the pleasure?”

“I’m not afraid of you,” Jane said. “And I’m not a coward.”

“But I’m in your head, aren’t I? I’m always going to be there. Everything you do, every relationship you’re in – your most successful relationship is always going to be with me.”

Jane stood up and pushed the gun towards Hoyt. “You think you’re in my head all the time? That you’re better than me? Then go right ahead – try it. Safety’s off, bullet’s there. Just try.”

\--


	11. Chapter 11

Hoyt looked at the gun, then back up at Jane. “You want me to kill you?”

Jane said nothing, just looked at him.

“I must say it’s terribly tempting.” He pushed the gun back towards Jane. “But too easy. I have plans for you and killing you with a gun is just so cliché.”

Before Jane could reply, a guard ran in and scooped up the gun. “Are you crazy, Rizzoli? Are you trying to get yourself killed?”

Hoyt grinned and leaned back in his chair. “Yes, yes she is.”

Wordlessly, Jane took the gun from the guard and left the room.

\--

“Rizzoli!”

Cavanaugh’s voice boomed across the squad room, and Jane almost jerked out of her chair in shock. She looked up at her lieutenant.

“Get your ass in here. NOW!” 

Jane’s eyes widened and she pushed herself out of the chair, heading into his office.

Korsak and Frost tried in vain to listen, but only got certain phrases such as “stupidest fucking move you’ve ever made” and “you’re damn lucky I don’t throw you off the force!” and “you’re out of control!”

A few moments later they heard the door to Cavanaugh’s office open.

Jane stormed out and grabbed her coat. “Thanks a lot, Korsak.”

Korsak and Frost looked at each other.

“What did I do?” Korsak asked.

“You said you weren’t going to the lieu. Now I’ve just been suspended.” Jane shrugged on her coat. “So much for friends.”

\--

Maura looked up as Frost and Korsak walked into the morgue. “Hi. Is everything okay? I don’t have a case for you so…” She paused, her eyes looking over the two of them. “What’s going on? Is Jane alright?”

“She hasn’t been in here?” Frost asked.

“What’s going on?” Maura didn’t want to go into why she and Jane were not seeing each other.

“Jane was just suspended.”

Maura’s eyes widened. “She was what?” 

“She thinks I told Cavanaugh,” Korsak replied, “but I didn’t. I warned her not to do anything stupid again or I would, but she didn’t so I…”

“But she did do something stupid.”

The group turned to look at the door, where Gabriel Dean was walking in.

“Agent Dean?” Korsak frowned.

“I reported Detective Rizzoli to your boss. She’s out of control and…”

“Wait. Why would you have anything to do with what goes on here in Boston?” Frost said.

“I don’t. I only get notified about Hoyt’s visitors.”

Maura froze. “Hoyt? She wouldn’t, she hates him…”

“Oh, that’s the impression she gave the guards when she went to see him. She managed to get her gun into a room where they were left alone – just her and Hoyt. "

“Oh god!” Maura put her hand to her mouth. “What did she do?”

“I don’t know. All that’s on the security tape is her pushing her gun towards him.”

Frost and Korsak started peppering questions at Agent Dean, pointing out that Jane would never do anything like that. But Maura sat there, the horror of what had happened stunning her into silence.

Agent Dean continued. “But I don’t want anything else to happen. She’s out of control and someone needs to stop her before she does something that either gets herself or someone else killed.”

Maura bit her lip, wondering if Jane’s actions had anything to do with her. The emotional part of her teased and taunted, saying that of course it did. The rational, intellectual part of her that Maura had cultivated and honed to genius-level told her to stay out of it. However her emotional part was winning, and the thought of Jane being so depressed that she would allow Hoyt to kill her was terrifying.

So alone in her home that night, she picked up the phone.

\--

Jane frowned and picked up the phone, swearing as she knocked over a beer bottle. “Shit. Rizzoli.”

“Jane?”

Jane froze. “Maura.”

“I…I wanted to make sure you were alright. I heard that you were suspended.”

Jane bit her lip. She didn’t deserve it, but all she wanted was for Maura to say “I love you”. She rubbed furiously at her eyes, trying to ward off the tears. “I’m fine. Just you know, that stunt the other day.”

“Agent Dean told us about Hoyt. About what you did.”

Jane swore. “Of course he did.” She could hear Maura’s breathing on the other end of the line. She wanted to feel Maura’s arms around her, promising her it was going to be okay, that Jane wasn’t broken and she wasn’t a screwup. Her fingers tightened around the phone. She didn’t deserve it. “Maura…I have to go. I’m sorry, I just…I have to go.” Before Maura could reply, Jane ended the call, tossing the phone away.

_I love you. You mean everything to me._

This time Jane couldn’t stop the tears, and she lay on the couch, sobbing into the night.

\--

As it inched closer to the weekend, Jane felt the guilt consuming her. Guilt of what she’d done to Maura, how her stupid actions on that day had broken the one perfect thing in her life.  
She had stopped seeing Dr Stevens. Why bother, when she wasn’t working and nothing was going to ever get fixed now.

On Sunday, Jane found herself standing at her parents’ front door. Angela had called early that morning, wanting to know if Jane was coming. Jane had been so hungover from her nightly ritual of alcohol and pills that she had stupidly said yes.

“Where’s Maura?” Angela Rizzoli demanded, as Jane gingerly hung up her coat.

“She’s not coming.”

“Why not? Is she sick?”

Jane made her way into the kitchen. “No, she’s not sick.” She got a glass and filled it with water, downing some more painkillers.

“Well I know it’s not a case, because then you wouldn’t be here either. And what’s the matter? Are you in pain?”

“I have a headache.” Jane replied. “No idea why.”

“Jane…what happened?”

“Nothing. Maura and I are just…” Jane sighed. “We’re just taking a break.”

“You broke up?” Angela turned to Frank Sr. “Frank, you hearing this? Jane and Maura have broken up!”

“We have NOT broken up,” Jane said, biting the phrase out. “We’re just taking a break to…to think about some stuff.”

“What sort of stuff? What kind of stuff could there be that you can’t talk about it together?” Angela stared at her. “What is it? Does Maura want a baby and you don’t?”

Jane frowned. “It’s nothing to do with babies, Ma. It’s just private.”

“Janie…” Frank looked up. “We just want to help. We love you and we want you to be happy.”

Jane sat down on one of the lounge chairs. “I’m fine. I’m happy.”

Angela began a diatribe on how unhappy Jane actually looked, but was interrupted by Frankie bursting into the house.

“Guess what? Ma, Dad, Jane – I’m back on active duty as of next week!”

Jane almost fell off her chair with shock. “You’re going back on active duty?”

Frankie nodded. “Yeah. Got cleared yesterday.”

“How…” Jane swallowed. “How did you get cleared so fast?”

“So fast? It’s been ages, Jane. But the doc cleared me physically so I’m back!”

Jane narrowed her eyes. “What about the shrink?”

Angela Rizzoli’s ears perked up. “Shrink? What shrink?”

“Nothing, ma. It’s just standard after going through a traumatic event like getting shot,” Frankie replied. He turned back to Jane. “I had my interview with him and he’s cleared me.”

Jane felt all the repressed anger about her situation bubble up inside. And because Maura was not there to soothe her with a quiet word or gentle touch, she exploded.  
“Cleared you? Jesus, Frankie, you could have died! One meeting and you’re fine? What did you tell him? That your sister is the screwed up one of the family?”

Frankie looked shocked at her outburst and Angela’s jaw dropped.

“Jane,” Frank Sr said slowly, but firmly. “Apologize to your brother, right now. That was uncalled for.”

Jane grabbed her jacket. “I have to go.”

“You haven’t eaten yet!” Angela said.

“I’m not hungry.” Jane left the house, slamming the door behind her. Tears pricked at her eyes, and she brushed them furiously away. Damn Frankie. Damn her parents. And especially, damn Maura Isles.

\--

Jane left the phone off for the rest of the weekend. She ignored her cell, and instead sat in her apartment with the TV on. She wasn’t watching it, and was instead downing beer and some bourbon she found in a cupboard, interspersed with enough pain medication so that the pain in her abdomen was a dull ache.

She was half asleep when she heard the frantic knocking on the door.

“Go away.” 

“Dammit Jane, if you don’t open this door right now I’m going to break it down!”

Jane forced herself off the couch, wincing at the pain. She threw the door open and stared at Korsak. “What? I’m off-duty.”

“Jesus, Jane,” Korsak muttered, shutting the door behind him. “You look like shit.”

“I’m off-duty,” Jane repeated. “I’m allowed to look like shit.” She eased herself back down onto the couch. “What do you want?”

Korsak ran a concerned eye over the empty beer bottles and the bottles of pain meds and sleeping pills. “Your…your brother called. He was worried about you. Said you weren’t answering your cell.”

“He should get the hint.”

“Jane…” Korsak looked at the bags under her eyes, the pain she was in. “Jane, is this about Maura?”

“Leave her the hell out of it.”

“What’s gotten into you? This is not the tough-ass Jane Rizzoli, Boston cop, I know.”

_You’re not the Jane Rizzoli I fell in love with._

Maura’s words echoed in Jane’s head. She frowned.

“Piss off, Korsak.”

“Have you been seeing a doctor? Checking out the…”

“Haven’t you heard? I’m the shrink’s new best friend. The crazy dyke detective who shot herself.”

Korsak walked in front of the TV and switched it off. “Jane, you’ve got to get some help. You can’t work like this…”

Jane gave a humourless laugh. “But I’m not working, remember?” She pointed out. “I got suspended. My brother, however, is back on active duty, because he only needed to meet the shrink once.”

“So what is this? You’re pissed you decided to take a bullet for your brother?”

“I had no choice.” Jane realised her beer was finished and she eased herself off the couch. “Get out, Korsak. Leave me alone.”

“Jane…”

“I said get out!” Jane whirled around on him. “Just leave me the hell alone!”

\--

Maura did not like the night anymore. She used to enjoy it – used to enjoy taking Joe Friday for a walk, feeding Bass, used to enjoy dinner with Jane, making love with Jane, curling up in bed together.

Now her nights were spent alone. She fed Bass alone, ate dinner alone and went to bed alone. Her body and mind were exhausted but she couldn’t sleep. Now everything was just too quiet.  
Until she heard the knock on her door. She pulled a robe around her body and went to answer it.

“Korsak?” she said, surprised.

“I need to talk to you.”

“Come in.” Maura opened the door and allowed him in. 

She led the way to her living room and he looked around, seeing the place for the first time. Maura supposed he was used to seeing her at Jane’s place.

_You wanna see my contact card? You’re amazing, you know that? I love you._

Maura pulled the robe tighter around her, trying to forget Jane’s words. Jane’s voice.

“I need to talk to you about Jane.”

Maura sighed. “Look, Korsak, Jane and I, we’re…”

“Look, it’s none of my business if you and Jane are not together anymore. And maybe I shouldn’t have told you about what happened at work…”

“You were right to tell me,” Maura replied. “I needed to know.”

Korsak looked uncomfortable on her couch. “Jane is…Jane’s not good.”

Maura’s back straightened and she fought to keep the fear from her voice. “What do you mean?”

“She had a fight with her family today, stormed out. Frankie called me when she didn’t answer her cell. I got to her apartment and she’s…she’s not good.”

“What do you mean, not good?”

“Look, if I didn’t know any better…” Korsak sighed. “I guess I’d be afraid she was going to eat her gun.”

Maura was off the couch in a second. “I’m going over there.” The fear was racing through her, the thought that the woman she loved more than anything could die – and she would never forgive herself for it.

“Maura…the only reason I told you this was…”

“Now, Korsak! I’m going now!”

\--


	12. Chapter 12

Jane ignored the pounding on the door. As it continued, she frowned. “Go away!”

“Jane…Jane let me in.”

She froze at the sound of Maura’s voice. Maura.

_I’ll be here when you wake up. Not touching you is going to drive me out of my mind. You’re beautiful. I love you._

Jane stood up, in pain not just from the wound but also because of Maura. Maura’s words. Maura’s touch. She took a deep breath and opened the door.

They didn’t say anything for a long moment. Just stared at each other. Broken Jane. Broken Maura.

“What do you want?” Jane asked. “Come to chastise me again?”

Like lightning, Maura’s hand whipped out and slapped Jane hard on her right cheek. Jane’s jaw dropped as her hand reached to cover the red mark.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Maura cried, walking into the apartment and slamming the door behind her. “Are you trying to kill yourself? You couldn’t do it by shooting yourself in the abdomen, so you are going to try it with pills and alcohol? Or was Korsak right? Were you sitting here thinking about using your gun again?” She couldn’t see the gun, but the fear, the anger, the pain was all pushing Maura’s rage out, and she stared at Jane, waiting for an answer. When none came, she continued. “Did you ever think about anyone else, Jane? What your parents would do? What Frankie would do?” She took a step closer. “What about what I would do? Are you doing this on purpose, to hurt me? What do you think it would have done to me if I had found you? What the hell is the matter with you!?”

“Maura…”

“I’m not done!” Maura was somewhere between furious and sobbing in relief that Jane was okay. “You told me I meant everything to you. You told me that you loved me more than anything in the world. The very next day you almost got killed doing something stupid! And then you practically begged Hoyt to kill you. Do you know how easily he could have done it? After everything we went through to get past Hoyt, you went to him? And you wanted him to finish the job? What would I have done, Jane?”

“I…”

“I said I’m not finished!” Maura stepped closer until she was standing right in front of Jane. “It was terrifying for me to fall in love with someone as much as I’m in love with you. But I did because I trusted you. How do you think it felt for me to see you do this to yourself? To know that I’m helpless? To know that I might lose you?”

Jane looked at her, partly in shock from the outburst. Then her hands fell to her sides, and her body was wracked with sobs. “I’m broken, Maura. I’m broken and I can’t fix it.”

Maura watched, eyes wide, as Jane slid onto her knees to the floor in front of her, the tears free-flowing. Then, in a second, she was beside Jane, her arms enfolding the crying woman into her body.

“I’ve got you,” Maura whispered, pressing a kiss to her head. “I’ve got you and I’m never letting you go, you understand me? I love you, Jane. More than anything. And you know what? I’m broken too. So honey, let’s fix each other.”

Jane looked up at her, her eyes red-rimmed and tear-stained. “Don’t leave me again, Maura. Please.”

“Only if you promise not to leave me.”

Jane climbed into Maura’s lap and waiting arms, curling up in the embrace. “Deal.”

Maura’s fingers ran through Jane’s curls, calm slowly setting over her body. “God, Jane, when Korsak came to see me and said…I thought…I thought I had lost you all over again.”

“I love you, Maura. I love you and I’m…”

“Shh. It’s going to be okay.” Maura pressed a kiss to Jane’s head. She smiled as Jane snuggled closer, and she gently rocked her.

When the tears had slowly started to subside, Maura tried to move, hoping to get Jane into their bed to rest. But Jane’s fingers tightened around Maura’s arms. 

“No…don’t go.”

Maura felt her heart break into tiny little pieces. She pressed another kiss to Jane’s head. “I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart. I thought you might be more comfortable resting on your bed. I’m not going to leave you, Jane. I promise.”

“Okay,” came the quiet response.

Maura tenderly helped Jane up and they made their way into the bedroom. She sat the detective on the edge of the bed and carefully undressed Jane down to her bra and panties. 

“Alright sweetheart, hop under the covers.” She got Jane into bed and then stripped down to her own underwear, hopping into the bed. Maura took Jane into her arms, softly stroking the smooth skin of Jane’s back. “I’m here, Jane, and I’m not going to leave you. Ever.”

“I love you, Maura,” Jane whispered, pressing a kiss to Maura’s arm that was secured tightly around her waist. “And I’m so sorry.”

“Shh,” Maura murmured, kissing Jane’s unruly curls. “We’re going to be okay, Jane. You and I, we’re going to be fine.”

“What are we going to do?” Jane sounded distressed again. “How can I fix it?”

“We’ll fix it,” Maura said firmly. “You and I together.” She thought for a moment and then began to speak again. “Will you come away with me, Jane? I have a home in Rhode Island – it’s not too far from Boston but it’s fairly secluded. It would just be the two of us. Would you come with me, Jane?”

“I think I’d like that,” came Jane’s quiet reply. “Can we leave tomorrow?”

Maura smiled and kissed Jane’s forehead. “Yes. Yes, we can.”

\--


	13. Chapter 13

They left early the next morning. Jane had clung to Maura like a limpet, as if she was still unsure that Maura wouldn’t leave her. Maura had gotten two weeks leave for both of them, and she had also called Jane’s parents, not wanting them to worry if they didn’t hear from Jane during that time.

Maura had done most of the packing, putting in clothes she knew that Jane liked and was comfortable in. They’d also showered together, Maura tenderly washing Jane’s body and then her own. She’d fought the urge to touch Jane, but she knew neither of them was ready for that yet. She’d also noticed that Jane had lost weight, probably from not eating properly. Her beautiful Jane was broken, and Maura was determined to mend her.

Jane had slept most of the drive, and didn’t wake until Maura was pulling into the long, curving driveway that led them through the wilderness and up to a two-story house.

“We’re here,” Maura said, her hand resting on Jane’s thigh. “You okay?”

Jane nodded, lifting Maura’s hand and kissing it. “We’re going to be okay.”

Maura nodded back. “Yes. Yes we are.”

\--

They got everything inside and Maura turned to Jane. “Would you like some lunch?”

Jane nodded. “That sounds great.”

Maura couldn’t resist any longer and she walked over to Jane, cupping her face and kissing her deeply. Jane put her arms around Maura, holding her close as they kissed. When it finally broke, Maura smiled at Jane.

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” Jane whispered, her fingers caressing Maura’s cheek. “So much.”

They kissed again, and when they parted, Maura rested her fingers on Jane’s lips.

“There’s so much I want to do to you. With you. So much pleasure I want to give you.” 

“I want to do that too,” Jane murmured, kissing Maura again. “I want you.”

Maura kissed Jane’s lips quickly. “And we will. I’ve missed making love with you and holding you.” She took Jane’s hand. “But first we need lunch. And as much as it’s going to hurt, we have to talk, Jane.”

Jane stared down at their joined hands. “I know.”

Maura reached out and tilted Jane’s chin so that they were staring into each other’s eyes. “I’m not leaving you, Jane. Ever. You’re stuck with me forever, now. I love you, and we’re going to get through this.”

Jane hugged Maura close and the two stood in the kitchen, just holding each other. They let each other go and Jane leaned against the counter, watching Maura pull supplies for lunch out of the fridge.

“So, how far away are we from civilization?” Jane asked, her hand reaching out and stroking Maura’s back.

“Far enough that no one is going to pop in or bother us. Close enough that if there was a medical emergency, we’d be fine.”

“Good,” Jane replied. “I just want to be alone with you.”

Maura grinned as she sliced the bread. “Good. Because that was my plan.”

“I’m sorry I scared you.” Jane paused. “More than once.”

“No more apologies,” came Maura’s swift reply. She sliced some cheese for the sandwiches. “But if you ever, ever scare me like that again…”

“I won’t,” Jane assured her. “I promise.”

“Good,” Maura said, making the sandwiches. “Because they call me the Queen of the Dead, you know. I could hide a body and no one would find it.”

“I could.”

Maura grinned and winked at her. “Not if you were the body.”

Jane smirked. “True.”

Maura got some bottled water from the fridge. “Would you like to eat on the deck?”

“Sure, but you’re going to have to lead the way. This place is huge and I’d probably get lost.”

“I highly doubt that.” Maura set the sandwiches and drinks on a tray. “The house is not that big.”

Jane rolled her eyes as she followed Maura onto the deck. They sat down on some comfortable chairs and Maura handed Jane her lunch. The detective slowly ate and looked out at the view.

“It’s beautiful here, Maura.”

“I’m glad you like it,” Maura replied. She sipped her water. “You’re the first person I’ve ever brought here.”

Jane looked over at her sharply. “I am?”

Maura nodded. “You’re the only person I’ve ever wanted to bring here. To be with me here.”

Jane reached over and squeezed Maura’s hand. Maura kissed Jane’s hand softly.

“I regretted it almost the moment I did it,” Jane murmured, staring out at the view again. “And I hated myself for that, because Frankie’s my brother, you know? I’m supposed to take care of him. But the rest of me hated myself for hurting you. For doing anything that could keep me away from you. I love you, Maura and the thought of not being with you kills me.”

Maura got up and walked over to Jane, settling herself into her lover’s lap. “Then banish the thought, Jane. Because we are together.” She leaned forward and kissed Jane tenderly. “And you shouldn’t feel guilty over feeling the way you do about that day. It makes you human.”

They kissed again and Jane caressed Maura’s cheek.

“You know that day I was thinking, I was thinking of how much I wanted to ask you to marry me.” Jane bit her lip. “Would you have said yes?”

Unshed tears glistened in Maura’s eyes and she smiled. “Yes, I would have.” She pressed another kiss to Jane’s lips. “And when the time is right, I will say yes.”

They started to kiss again and the kisses became long and deep as they moved closer to each other. Maura moaned and wrapped her arms around Jane’s neck, feeling Jane’s fingers slip underneath her shirt to caress the skin of her hips.

“I want to be closer,” Jane murmured, closing her eyes as Maura’s lips pressed tender kisses to her neck. “I need to be closer to you…”

Maura took a deep breath and pulled back. “And we will. But not yet. I’m not ready, and I don’t think you are.”

Jane nodded, but still held firmly to Maura. “But we can still kiss, right? And I want to hold you. Just like this.”

Maura smiled and kissed Jane deeply. “Yes. To both of those.” She snuggled into Jane’s body, sighing in contentment as Jane put her arms around her. “I love you, Jane. Don’t you ever dare leave me.”

Jane smiled and kissed the top of Maura’s head. “I love you too, Maura. I promise I won’t.” She tightened her arms around her lover. “And I’m going to keep my promise.”

-


	14. Chapter 14

They stayed in each other’s arms for awhile, occasionally kissing but mostly just content to hold each other. Maura just liked feeling Jane’s body underneath her – warm, breathing. Alive. When they had finally moved, Maura had taken Jane on a tour of the house. Jane had followed willingly, holding tightly onto Maura’s hand and taking in every room. 

“It’s a nice place,” Jane said, as the tour finished. “I’m glad you brought me here.”

“I’m glad you like it. I’ve wanted to bring you here for awhile. It just never seemed the right time because…” Maura bit her lip. “Anyway…”

“Maura, wait.” Jane turned the doctor around to look at her. “I know we need to talk. And I know that you have stuff to say to me – probably a lot of stuff and I deserve it all. And I want you to know that when you’re ready…just let me have it.”

Maura sighed. “Jane I just…I have questions and I’m confused and I was scared. More scared than I’ve ever been in my life. When Korsak came and told me how bad things were – I was more scared then than when we were in the morgue that day. Do you have any idea what it would do to me if I lost you? I don’t know how I would cope, I don’t know how I could even get up out of bed. What would I do without you? Without you holding me every night?”

“I thought you’d be better off without me. You deserved better.”

Maura frowned and pushed Jane into the bedroom, shoving her into a sitting position on the end of the bed. “Now you listen to me, Jane Rizzoli. Why should you get to decide what I do or don’t need in my life? What gives you the right to choose whether you deserve me or not? Maybe I need you. Don’t you understand, Jane? I need you. I need you in my life. You make me seem like some sort of perfect being. But I’m not perfect, Jane. Far from it. But I do know what I want and need in my life and that is you. I love you, Jane and I need you. And the thought that you might not be in my life…I don’t know how I would survive.”

Jane wordlessly reached out for Maura, urging the honey-blonde onto her lap and into her arms. Her fingers ran through her lover’s hair, and she rocked her gently much the same way Maura had done for Jane the night before.

“It’s going to be okay, Maura, I promise. I’m never going to leave you.” She felt the other woman start to cry, and she couldn’t stop the tears falling from her own eyes. “It’s gonna be okay, honey. It’s just…I just felt so helpless, and I hate that feeling. I didn’t want to be the girl cop who couldn’t hack it. So I thought maybe if I just got straight back into it…” She kissed the top of Maura’s head. “And then that night you left – I felt like my heart had been ripped out. I screwed up the best thing in my life and I didn’t know what I was going to do. Nothing was…I just couldn’t…I needed you.”

Maura raised her tear-stained eyes to look into Jane’s, also red-rimmed from crying. “Think how I felt, Jane. I thought I was going to lose you all over again. I didn’t know if I could stay and watch it.”

“It’s not going to happen.” Jane framed Maura’s face with her hands. “You hear me, Maura? It’s not going to happen.”

“Would you still do it?” Maura asked, her voice needy. “If we had that day all over again, would you still do it?”

“No,” Jane whispered. “No. And part of me hates myself for being willing to put Frankie at risk like that, but god Maura, no. It was stupid and…I couldn’t do that to you. Not to us.”

Maura kissed her long and hard, tasting the salt of their tears. She felt Jane’s arms go around her, holding their bodies close as the kiss deepened. When the kiss was over, Jane smiled at her.

“Why don’t we get more comfortable?” She caught Maura’s look. “Not that comfortable. I know you’re not ready. Just lay back here and we can talk.”

Maura nodded and got off Jane’s lap. Jane moved back and rested against the headboard, holding out her arms for Maura. The ME crawled up the bed, settling herself in Jane’s arms. Jane ran her fingers down Maura’s back, caressing her through the shirt she wore.

“Ask away,” Jane finally said, kissing the top of Maura’s head.

Maura was quiet for a moment before finally speaking. “Why did you go to Hoyt and ask him to kill you?” She felt Jane tense under her. Maura kissed Jane’s shoulder. “I love you, sweetheart. I just want to know.”

Jane took a deep breath. “Everything hurt so badly. Not being with you was killing me. I tried taking the sleeping pills but they didn’t work. I was drinking and taking the pain meds to try and get rid of the guilt. Not just over you, but Frankie and…I started thinking about how you’d be better off without me and I didn’t deserve you. And all I could think about was how Hoyt had marked me, scarred me so I was something ugly both on inside and out.” She stared down at Maura, who was looking back up at her. “And I thought why not let him finish it? It might make all the pain go away.”

Maura could feel the tears welling up in her eyes as she thought of Jane’s pain. “And now?”

“Now I know it was one of the stupidest fucking things I’ve ever done.” Jane cupped her face. “Ma told me that when you’re in a relationship with someone, you’ll always hurt each other at least once. But I swear to you, I’m gonna do my damnedest not to hurt you again.”

Maura smiled and reached up, wiping some tears from Jane’s eyes. The detective did the same to Maura, before their lips met in a gentle kiss. 

“Let’s go soak in the bath together,” Maura whispered, her thumb running across Jane’s lower lip. “Studies have shown it does wonders for relaxation.”

Jane kissed her again. “That sounds nice.”

\--

Jane stood awkwardly in the bathroom as Maura ran the bath. It was a big garden tub, in a palatial bathroom. Maura turned around with a bottle of bubble bath in her hand.

“Is this okay?”

Jane nodded, her mind too focused on the thought of seeing Maura naked again. She had missed being close to her – missed the warmth of Maura’s body, missed the way it felt to be pressed against her. Just the time they had spent talking was like lifting a weight from her body.

Maura turned around, her eyes catching Jane’s. She smiled. “Dare I ask what is on your mind?”

“Just thinking how much I missed having you in my arms at night.” Her eyes watched with a barely disguised hunger as Maura unbuttoned the blouse she was wearing. “How much talking to you is making me feel better.”

Maura slipped her blouse off and stood in front of Jane in her bra and pants. “I’m glad it’s helping. I missed being beside you at night too.”

“Your striptease however,” Jane murmured, watching avidly as Maura unclasped her bra, “is not helping. I’m this close to jumping you and taking you hard.”

Maura bit her lip as the arousal flared in her belly. She quickly stripped and hopped in the tub. “Come on.”

Jane undressed and got into the tub, facing Maura. She groaned as she sunk into the hot water. “Damn, that’s good.”

Maura couldn’t help herself any longer and she reached out, one hand cupping Jane’s left breast. Jane allowed the gentle caresses for a few moments, Maura’s touch feeling incredible after so long, but when she could take no more she grabbed the other woman’s wrist.

“Come sit over here,” Jane said, her voice husky with arousal.

Maura soon sat between Jane’s legs, leaning her body against the detective. Jane kissed Maura’s neck softly, then rested against the tub. One hand took Maura’s, interlocking the fingers and resting them on Maura’s leg.

“I meant it, you know,” Jane murmured. “When I said you were everything to me. You are. And I’ve learned the hard way that I don’t care if people don’t think I’m as tough as the male cops. What I care about is coming home to you every night. I want to build a life with you, Maura. I just want you. Forever.”

“That’s what I want too,” Maura whispered, squeezing Jane’s hand. “You gave me a family. And I know you feel guilty about what happened with my parents, but you shouldn’t. I’m in love with you, and that’s never going to change. And if my parents can’t accept that – I have you. And your family. That’s all the family I need.”

Jane kissed Maura’s cheek. “God, I love you.”

“I love you too,” Maura said, relaxing her body against Jane’s. “You feel so warm and soft. Even if we don’t make love tonight, let’s sleep naked. I like to feel you against me.”

Jane closed her eyes. “You’re torturing me.”

Maura smirked and ran her fingers over Jane’s thigh. “If I was torturing you, I’d be touching you more.”

Jane kissed Maura’s shoulder. “Let’s just…let’s just sit for awhile. And let me hold you.”

Maura smiled. “That sounds like a wonderful idea.”

\--


	15. Chapter 15

Jane lay in bed under a sheet. Naked, as ordered by her girlfriend. Maura was in the bathroom, brushing her teeth. 

While she was waiting, Jane shuffled further up the headboard and lifted the sheet, examining the new scar in her collection. She ran her finger over the mark and sighed, before letting the sheet fall back onto her body. 

And then she saw her.

Maura stood beside the bed, completely naked. She had a small smile on her face.

“Fuck,” Jane said.

Maura frowned. “Language.” She climbed into bed beside Jane, but instead of allow Jane to spoon her as was one of their favourite positions, she moved closer, finally pressing their bodies tight together – face to face, breast to breast, heat to heat.

“Fuck,” Jane said again. “Maura…” She wrapped her arms around Maura’s body, pulling her closer, and she rested her head in the crook of Maura’s neck. “This goes way beyond teasing.”

Maura ran her fingers down Jane’s back, and pressed a kiss to the top of Jane’s head. “I’m not teasing.”

Jane looked up at her girlfriend. “I thought you wanted to wait. You said you weren’t ready.”

“I would say that I lied, but I can’t, so…I thought I wasn’t.” Maura cupped Jane’s cheek. “I love you. And I missed you so much. I missed being in your arms and I missed you touching me. I missed making love with you.” Maura leant forward and kissed Jane’s lips tenderly. “I want to make love tonight.”

“I hurt you,” Jane whispered, her fingers caressing Maura’s face.

“I know. And I hurt you too.” Maura smiled. “But we’re healing together.”

Jane leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Maura’s lips. She pulled back and ran her fingers over Maura’s face, and then over her neck and shoulders. 

“It’s okay, Jane,” Maura whispered. “Touch me.”

Jane let out a strangled groan as she rolled them until Maura was on her back and Jane’s body was pressing against her. She could feel Maura’s arousal wet and hot against her own and she ground against her, loving the moans and whimpers coming from Maura.

“Jane…kiss me.”

Jane smiled and bent down, kissing Maura deeply. The honey-blonde wrapped her arms around Jane’s neck, pulling her closer into the kiss. Jane’s fingers ran down Maura’s body, grabbing hold of her hip and lifting her tight against Jane’s own heat.

Maura whimpered, her body aching with arousal. She pulled away from the kiss, pressing her lips to Jane’s shoulder. “More…”

Jane pulled back from her lover and smiled, her fingers trailing lightly down Maura’s body. “I love you.”

Maura’s eyes lit up. “I know. I love you too.”

Jane kissed her softly, her hands trailing down to cup Maura’s breasts. “So beautiful.”

Maura looked up at her, watching the intense arousal and concentration in Jane’s eyes. She reached down and covered Jane’s hand with her own. “I love your fingers when they touch me. How they barely brush against my skin and then get firmer, touching me everywhere. And when they’re inside me, you’re filling me and touching me.”

Jane’s eyes went wide and she moaned with arousal at the images Maura’s words brought. Her fingers tightened around Maura’s breasts and she closed her eyes as Maura lifted her hips and brushed her centre against Jane’s.

Jane swore under her breath and bent down, capturing Maura’s right nipple between her lips. She nipped and sucked until the bud was a taut peak and Maura’s fingers were tightening on Jane’s back. She replaced her mouth with her hand, and moved to the left nipple, giving it the same treatment.

“Jane…” Maura reached up, her fingers brushing against Jane’s bare breasts. “Jane…”

“I want to make you come so hard,” Jane whispered, trailing kisses down Maura’s body. “I want to taste you and touch you and feel you come around me.” She pressed a kiss to Maura’s stomach, feeling the muscles contract under her fingers. Jane slid her hand further down, almost whimpering in delight when she felt how hot and wet Maura was. “God, Maura…”

Maura’s hand tangled in Jane’s curls. “That’s what you do to me, Jane. How you make me feel. All the time.”

Jane moaned and moved further down the bed, her fingers brushing over Maura’s heat. She flashed a quick smile at Maura before leaning down and started to lick and suck at her lover’s centre.

“God…you taste so good.” Jane’s fingers held tightly to Maura’s thighs. “I missed you.”

Maura’s free hand fisted in the bed sheets as her other hand tangled further in the unruly curls of Jane’s hair. “I missed you too….god…Jane…”

Jane wanted to be closer and with one last swipe of her tongue against Maura’s clit, she moved upwards, her lips meeting Maura’s in a long kiss. She slipped a finger inside Maura, and she moaned into the kiss as Maura’s hand squeezed her breast.

“Let me touch you,” Maura whispered, feeling Jane’s lips press kisses to her neck. “I want to touch you.”

Jane shuddered in pleasure as Maura’s other hand ran down her body, over her stomach and brushed across her slick heat. “Maura…”

“You’re so wet,” Maura murmured into Jane’s ear. “I missed being this close to you. You inside me and me inside you.”

Jane’s thumb pressed against Maura’s clit, and she whimpered as Maura did the same to her. 

“Look at me, Jane,” Maura ordered, her eyes waiting for her lover’s.

Eyes that had gone as black as coal with arousal met Maura’s. She smiled when she realised how close Jane really was, and the intellectual side of her brain wondered if she could make Jane come just by words alone. But her breathing hitched as Jane pushed another finger deep inside her body, and she looked intensely at her lover.

She kissed Jane softly, adding another finger to the one already inside Jane’s wet heat, and she quickened the pace of her thumb against the throbbing bud of Jane’s clit. “I love you. And I want you to come with me. Come with me, Jane. Come hard the way you’re going to make me.”

Maura watched something in Jane’s eyes change, as if Maura had just given her permission to let go of her insecurities and just be with Maura fully. Their pace turned to furious as pleasure lingered just out of their reach. Maura was holding herself back – she wanted Jane to be with her, wanted to feel Jane come apart around her.

“Maura…Maura…I’m…”

Jane’s orgasm overwhelmed her, leaving her trembling and shaking in its wake. Her eyes had stayed on Maura’s the entire time, and when she heard Maura cry her name as she came underneath Jane, she watched the emotions in the hazel eyes. The need. The want. The love.

Maura welcomed Jane into her arms as the brunette collapsed, her lips meeting Maura’s in a gentle kiss. The honey-blonde took a few deep breaths, ran her fingers lightly over Jane’s spine, and then pushed the detective onto her back.

Jane stared up at her in curiosity, her eyes heavy-lidded with arousal and her chest still taking deep breaths. “Maura…”

Maura smiled down at her, letting her fingers trail over Jane’s breasts. “You had your fun. Now it’s my turn.”

“Oh god…Maura…” Jane closed her eyes.

Maura wasted no time, kissing and licking her way down Jane’s body. The more she thought about how much she wanted to taste Jane again, the more frenzied and passionate her moves became. When she finally reached her intended goal it was glistening and wet and pink from Jane’s previous orgasm.

Jane opened her eyes and saw the look of absolute delight on Maura’s face. She whimpered and fisted her hands in the bed sheets. 

“Beautiful,” Maura murmured, before settling herself between Jane’s legs. 

At the first lick Jane arched her hips, moaning as her arousal deepened. “Maura…”

Maura wanted nothing more than to feel Jane come again, wanted to watch her let go again, and she licked and sucked at Jane’s clit, knowing how close her lover was. She dipped her tongue inside the wet heat and then flicked against the clit, feeling Jane’s muscles start to clench.

Jane cried out Maura’s name in a choked sob as her second orgasm of the night overpowered her. She felt Maura still touching her, tasting her, her fingers running across Jane’s abdomen and the heat of her mouth against Jane’s centre.

“Fuck,” Jane finally said, as Maura crawled up the bed to lay beside her.

Maura smirked. “We really have to work on your language, Jane.”

Jane kissed Maura softly. “I love you. And I’m so glad we’re here. Together and alone. Cells turned off. Just you and me.”

Maura smiled broadly, snuggling into Jane’s embrace. “Just you and me.”

\--


	16. Chapter 16

The next morning, Jane woke up feeling refreshed, hardly able to believe that she’d slept right through the night without any nightmares. She rolled over, wanting to take Maura into her arms again, and then she realized she was alone in bed.

The panic started immediately. She knew she should be thinking rationally, but that was Maura’s domain. Jane was all about emotion.

“Maura?” Her voice was anxious and searching as she looked around the room.

“Coming!” came the call from down the hall. 

Jane relaxed and watched as Maura walked back into the room. She had put on a robe but the minute she was beside the bed, Maura let the robe fall to the floor. Jane reached out and brushed her hand against Maura’s breast. The honey-blonde’s eyes closed briefly before she got back into the bed and curled up next to Jane.

“I was just getting a glass of water,” Maura murmured, kissing Jane’s neck. A thought occurred to her and she looked up into Jane’s eyes. “You thought I’d left.” She cupped Jane’s face with her hands. “After everything we said yesterday? After making love last night?” 

“I know,” Jane said, her eyes looking away. “It’s stupid.”

“No,” Maura whispered, forcing Jane to look at her again. “No, sweetheart, it’s not. But I’m going to do whatever it takes to reassure you that I’m not leaving you.” She pressed a tender kiss to Jane’s lips. “We’re stuck with each other forever. I love you.”

Jane wrapped her arms around Maura’s body and pulled her close, kissing her long and deep. When the kiss ended, Jane caressed Maura’s lips with her thumb.

“You know, you are the first person I’ve been with who has made me feel beautiful and who loves everything about me – my body, my brain.”

“It’s true,” Maura said, her fingers trailing down Jane’s body. “You are so beautiful. And all you have to do is look at me and you arouse me. I’ve never felt so loved by anyone before. I’ve never wanted to be with someone as much as I want to be with you. Just spending time with you makes me happy. When I’m not with you, I anticipate your arrival.” She kissed Jane softly. “And I’ve never met someone who has made me want to spend all my time in bed.” Her lips curved into a broad smile. “Now you see why I’m never leaving you? You’re good for me, Jane. You make me better.”

Jane just stared at Maura for a long moment. “Nobody has ever said anything like that to me. Ever.”

Maura caressed the side of Jane’s face. “It’s the truth. You know I can’t lie.”

“I know.” Jane kissed her deeply. “It’s so cliché to feel the same way, but I don’t have the right words.”

“I don’t need the words,” Maura said. “I know how you feel by the way you touch me and hold me. The way you kiss me and make love to me. I know by the way you make me feel all the time. The way you look at me.”

Jane kissed her again, running her hands over Maura’s body. “I love you, Maura. So much.”

“I love you too, Jane.” Maura replied, kissing her softly. “And I am never leaving you. Ever.”

Jane nodded. “I know. We’re stuck with each other now. Just as I want it.”

They kissed some more, gently touching and caressing each other. Maura finally pulled back, kissing Jane quickly as she did.

“I need breakfast before we make love again.” She grinned at Jane. “I need my energy for what you do to me.”

Jane grinned back. “Okay.” She got out of bed and was about to get dressed when she realized Maura was just staring at her. Jane smirked. “Like what you see?”

“You have no idea,” Maura murmured, her eyes still stuck on Jane’s form.

Jane reached down, her hand cupping Maura’s heat. “Oh, I have some idea.”

Maura closed her eyes and grasped Jane’s wrist. She moaned as Jane’s fingers ran across her centre and taking a deep breath, she finally pulled Jane’s fingers away. “Breakfast,” she managed to get out.

Jane chuckled and pulled her hand away, pulling on shorts and a tank-top. “Come on my horny ME. Let’s feed you.”

\--

They decided to make pancakes, and during the process ended up wearing a fair amount of the flour on themselves. Jane blamed Maura for the flour explosion – she had dropped the bag. Maura blamed Jane – she had suggested that she might like to lick maple syrup off of Maura’s body later, and then Maura had dropped the bag.

As they ate breakfast, Maura watched with barely disguised arousal as Jane licked maple syrup off her fingers. Jane looked up and caught Maura’s eye.

“What?”

“You know very well what.”

Jane smirked. “I like maple syrup.”

“I can see that.”

“It’s not my fault you get all worked up over it.”

Maura sent her a look and then concentrated on her pancakes. Jane chuckled and sipped her coffee.

“What are we going to do today?” Jane finally asked, leaning back in her chair. “Are you going to show me around your place?”

“I thought maybe I could take you for a walk. It’s a beautiful countryside.”

“Sounds good.” Jane sipped her coffee again. “You did pack me some stuff to wear outside the bedroom, right?”

Maura smirked. “Yes, I did.”

“Excellent. Because I think walking around like this would cause problems.”

“There isn’t anyone for a long distance, Jane.” Maura licked her lips. “You could walk around naked and no one would notice.”

“Oh really?” Jane lifted an eyebrow. “Something tells me you might notice.”

“Well, that would just be the side benefit.”

Jane chuckled and got up. “Come on, horny girlfriend. Let’s get ready and go out into the wilderness.”

\--

Jane looked around her, her eyes wide. “Maura. You own a forest.”

Maura frowned. “No I don’t. It’s simply a wooded area.”

“Yeah, that’s what we humans call a forest, Maura.” She took Maura’s hand and squeezed it. “Show me more of your forest.”

“I don’t have a…” Maura sighed. “Never mind.”

They walked through the “wooded area”, Maura pointing out various species of tree or grass or bird that Jane just nodded at. She was content just to be with Maura – alone, without anyone wanting their attention. She didn’t have to worry about being called away or Maura having to go to work, or unexpected phone calls or…

“Holy crap, Maura – you own a lake as well?”

Maura looked at the water in front of them. “It’s really more of a spring, Jane. A small pond.”

“Whatever it is, it’s beautiful.” Jane put her arm around Maura. “I love you, and I’m so glad you brought me here.”

Maura leaned up and pressed a tender kiss to Jane. “Want to go for a swim?”

“That sounds great, but I didn’t bring anything to swim in, Maura.”

“Neither did I.”

Jane’s jaw dropped as she watched Maura take off her own blouse and bra. She reached out, trying to cover her girlfriend up.

“Maura! What if someone sees us?”

“Like who, Jane?” Maura took off her pants next. “All of this is my land. We’re all alone, just you and me.” She took her panties off and began to wade into the water. “Are you going to join me, or just stand there and stare?”

Jane licked her lips as she watched Maura in the water, the tops of her breasts just visible above the water line. “It’s actually really tempting to just stand here and watch.”

Maura smiled and lifted herself out of the water a little. “I promise you more fun if you come join me in here.”

Jane groaned and began stripping off her clothes. “You’re a minx, Maura. Really you are.”

When Jane was in the water, Maura waited until she was close and then wrapped her body around Jane’s. They kissed deeply, Jane running her hands over Maura’s wet body.

“I have never wanted someone all the time like I want you,” Maura murmured, kissing Jane again. “I’ve never been like this before.”

“Me either.” Jane’s fingers ran over Maura’s breasts, the nipples already hard from the cool water. 

Maura shuddered, closing her eyes as Jane touched her. “Jane…”

Jane moved backwards, a teasing grin on her face. “Oh, you don’t want to here? That’s okay.” 

Maura watched, open-mouthed in shock as Jane dove under the surface of the water and disappeared. She really, really wanted Jane and…”Oh my god…”

Jane was underneath her, fingers and lips just teasing Maura’s entrance. Then they were gone and Jane stood in front of her, body dripping with water, hair plastered to her back.  
“You didn’t really think I’d leave you hanging, did you?”

Maura’s lips were on Jane’s in a second, taking her in a deep and passionate kiss. Jane almost fell backwards into the water with the force of Maura’s embrace, but she quickly recovered and put her arms around the honey-blonde. They kissed long and hard, and Jane ran her fingers up and down Maura’s body, delighting in the little shivers that her touch provoked.

“I want you,” Maura whispered, gasping for breath as the kiss broke. She rested her head on Jane’s shoulder, pressing soft kisses to the damp skin. “And I need you.”

Jane was grateful for the buoyancy of the water as Maura wrapped her body around Jane. Despite the cool water, Jane could feel Maura’s heat against her abdomen and she groaned. 

“God, Maura, you feel incredible.”

Maura leaned back so she could kiss Jane again and when she felt Jane’s fingers press her closer to Jane’s own heat she whimpered. “Jane…now. Please do it now.”

Jane moaned and kissed her. “Okay, hang on tight, honey.”

Maura clung tightly to Jane as the detective braced her back against a smooth stone. Jane kissed Maura softly.

“Now whatever you do, don’t let go.”

Maura nodded and rested her head on Jane’s shoulder as she felt one of Jane’s hands creeping down her body. She shivered with arousal as Jane’s long fingers caressed her breasts then her abdomen and finally brushed across her heat.

“Jane…”

Jane groaned and slid one long finger inside her lover. Maura arched against Jane’s body, needing to be closer.

When Jane realized how wet and aroused Maura was, she slipped another finger inside, her thumb running teasingly over Maura’s clit. Maura whimpered with need, her hips rolling against Jane’s hand. Jane urged her lover’s face upwards and they kissed deeply as Jane pushed Maura closer and closer to the edge.

When the kiss broke, Maura whispered Jane’s name again, resting her head on her lover’s shoulder. Jane felt Maura’s fingers tighten on her skin, and she knew the honey-blonde was close.

“I love you like this. Open to me. So hot and tight and wet.” Jane groaned. “So fucking wet.”

Maura’s orgasm hit her hard and she arched her back, the pleasure rippling through her. Jane tried to hold on tightly to her, but the inevitable happened and she slipped and the two ended up in the water together.

They both came up spluttering, and Jane tried not to burst out laughing at Maura’s astonished face. 

“Maura, honey, I’m sorry. But I did tell you to hang onto me and…”

Maura reached over, pressing a finger to Jane’s lips. “What can I say? You’re so skilled that you make me lose all control of my motor functions.”

Jane wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that, but she did feel a surge of pride. She watched as Maura moved through the water, laying her body atop Jane’s and kissing her deeply.

“I love you,” she whispered. “I’ve never gone skinny-dipping with anyone before, but I thoroughly enjoyed the experience. Including the dunking.”

Then she unceremoniously dunked Jane under the water. The detective came up spluttering to find Maura giggling.

“Right, that’s it.”

The two wrestled in the water, laughing and kissing until Jane put up her hands. “Okay, okay. Uncle. You win. You’re deceptively strong.”

Maura narrowed her eyes and moved her body atop Jane’s again. “I think you just like me being on top of you.”

Jane licked her lips as she watched a droplet of water trail down between Maura’s breasts. “That could be it.”

Maura leaned over and pressed a tender kiss to Jane’s neck. “We could go back to the house. Take a shower. And I could make you so wet that you’re begging me to let you come.”

Jane kissed Maura’s lips. “I like the sound of that.”

Maura grinned and stood up, heading towards the land. She paused when she felt Jane’s hand tug on hers. “Jane?”

Jane smiled at her. “Thank you.”

Maura looked confused. “For what? For wanting to give you an orgasm?”

Jane grinned. “Well, that too. But for making me laugh. I haven’t laughed in a long time.”

The ME’s eyes softened. “I know. I love hearing it.”

Jane got out of the water and kissed Maura again. “Race you back to the shower?”

\--


	17. Chapter 17

One thing Jane loved about Maura – well, one of many things – was that she knew how to decorate a bathroom. The shower stall had plenty of room for two people, with jets pulsating at every angle.

And right now, with her back against the wall, the hot water streaming over her body and Maura on her knees before her, doing the most indescribably pleasurable thing with her tongue, Jane had never been more happy, or more in love.

Maura’s fingers tightened on Jane’s thighs. “Stay with me, Jane.” She didn’t want Jane’s mind anywhere but with her – that old habit was never coming back.

Jane looked down at Maura, and she bit her lip. “Don’t stop…”

Maura smirked and flicked her tongue against Jane’s clit, watching the detective as she jerked against Maura’s touch. “Then stay with me.”

“Maura…I want you…”

“You have me,” Maura said, kissing Jane’s inner thigh. “Always.” She kissed the other inner thigh. “But right now, I want to make you come.”

Jane whimpered as she felt Maura’s tongue flick her clit again. “You’re doing…oh god…a really good job.”

Maura ran her fingers across Jane’s heat. “I want to taste you,” she whispered, her fingers teasing Jane’s folds. “I want to hear you scream my name when you come while I’m tasting you.” She darted her tongue out, licking daintily at Jane’s centre like a cat would do to cream.

“Jesus….” Jane’s fingers tangled in Maura’s hair. “God…I’m so close…”

Maura had wicked, wicked plans for Jane, so she concentrated her tongue on Jane’s clit, pushing Jane screaming over the edge. She kept licking and sucking until Jane was a quivering mess, sitting on the shower bench behind her.

Maura allowed Jane to recover for a moment as she stood up and allowed the hot water to stream over her body. Then she detached one of the shower heads and turned towards Jane.

Jane felt her inner muscles clench in anticipation. “Maura…”

“I know what it feels like to use this on myself.” She moved towards Jane. “Thinking of you and aching for you. But I always wondered what it would be like to use it with you.”

Maura sat behind Jane, holding the detective firmly in her arms. She spread Jane’s legs, her thumb brushing against Jane’s still sensitive clit.

“Oh god…” Jane closed her eyes. “We’re…we’re wasting water.”

“No we’re not,” Maura replied, her free hand moving upwards to caress Jane’s breast. “You came very quickly the first time.”

Jane was certain that Maura was turning into some kind of sex vixen. She wondered if it was the great outdoors that did it to her, and if that was the case, they might have to permanently live here.

“Did I turn you on?” Maura whispered, kissing Jane’s neck. “Did what you did out there, in the lake, did that leave you aroused?”

The detective wondered if her brain was going to leak out of her ears, it was melting so quickly with Maura’s soft whispers and touches. “Fuck, Maura…you know it did. You always turn me on. You walk into a room or I think about you, and I want you.”

Maura smiled and kissed Jane’s neck again. “The feeling is mutual.” 

Then she used her fingers to part Jane’s folds and she set the shower head on pulse. Jane’s hips almost began to immediately move with the pulsing as Maura teased Jane’s clit with the pulsing water.

Maura held tightly to Jane’s body as she moved, wanting to bring her lover as much pleasure as she could. She hadn’t been lying when she’d told Jane that she’d done this herself, thinking and fantasizing about being with Jane. But the reality – the reality of having Jane here with her, of bringing her closer and closer to an intense orgasm – that was far better than the fantasies.

“Maura…” came the low moan from Jane’s lips. One of her hands gripped Maura’s thigh, holding it so tightly that Maura knew it was going to leave marks. “Maura…please…”

Maura turned up the pulse, watching Jane jerk from the stimulation. She brushed Jane’s damp curls from her neck and kissed it, before leaning up to whisper in Jane’s ear. “Do you have any idea how sexy you are, Jane? I don’t think you realise how aroused you make me all the time.”

“Maura…” Her body was trembling in Maura’s arms, and she whimpered when she felt Maura’s hand squeeze her breast. “Fuck, I’m gonna…”

For the second time that afternoon, a scream of Maura’s name echoed around the walls of the shower, and Maura held tightly to Jane, moving the pulsating showerhead away as the stimulation became too intense. She kissed Jane’s shoulder, her free hand rubbing over Jane’s abdomen in smooth circles.

“Oh god…” Jane panted heavily, her body limp. “Shit, Maura, I don’t know if I can move.”

“It’s okay,” Maura whispered. “I’ve got you. Always.”

\--

Late that night, after watching a baseball game together where Jane carefully explained each facet of the sport, Maura lay in their bed, waiting for Jane to join her. The light turned off in the bathroom and Jane walked in, totally unabashed in her nudity. She got into bed, taking Maura into her arms and kissing the honey-blonde.

“I love you.”

Maura snuggled closer, her hand resting on Jane’s abdomen. “I love you too.”

“Maura?”

“Mhm?”

“I love being here with you. Everything we’ve done – and not just the sex which is always fantastic but…damn, I’m not good at this.”

“I know what you mean,” Maura replied, kissing Jane’s shoulder. “That’s one of the things that makes us so right together – I know what you mean even when you have trouble expressing it.”

Jane kissed the top of her head and ran her fingers down Maura’s spine. There was silence for a moment until Jane spoke again.

“What happens when we go back?”

Maura paused for a moment before answering. “Well, we go back to work. We go back home. We have Bass, Joe and Watson. And we stay together. We stay together because we love each other.”

“I’m scared.”

Maura looked up at Jane. “Well I suppose that you admitted it is a good thing.”

“But what happens if I screw up again? What if…”

Maura moved her body so that she stared down at Jane. Her fingers caressed the brunette’s face. “I don’t believe in what if’s, or assumptions, or hunches Jane. What I do believe in is how much I love you, and how much I know you love me.”

Jane leaned up and pressed her lips to Maura’s in a tender kiss. “I love you so much.”

Maura kissed her back, before snuggling back up to her lover once more. “I love you too.” She rested her hand against Jane’s breast, and twined her legs with Jane’s. “Let’s get some sleep. I have more plans for you in the morning.”

Jane grinned. “Oh yeah?”

Maura chuckled. “Night Jane.”

Jane snuggled close. “Night Maura.”

\--


	18. Chapter 18

Jane awoke the next morning feeling relaxed and warm. She felt Maura’s body wrapped around her own and she sighed in contentment. She realised that she was happier than she had been in a long time. She felt safe, loved and happy.

She felt Maura stir against her, and smirked as she watched the honey-blonde’s hand reach out and absently rest against Jane’s breast. 

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to seduce me, Dr Isles,” Jane murmured.

“I wasn’t aware I needed to, Detective Rizzoli,” came the sleepy reply.

Jane chuckled. She pressed a kiss to the top of Maura’s head. “I love this. Just lying here in bed, you in my arms, not having to get up for anything.”

Maura looked up at Jane, her eyes sleepy. “I’m glad.”

“I want us to do this more. Go away, just the two of us.” Jane yawned and closed her eyes again. “Is that okay?”

Maura smiled and kissed Jane’s shoulder. “It sounds perfect.”

\--

Maura was the first to wake later, and she relished the feel of Jane’s arm resting over her abdomen. She glanced over at her girlfriend, who was face first in the pillows, the sheet covering her lower body but her strong back and shoulders bare to Maura’s gaze. She smiled and snuggled closer, feeling Jane’s grip tighten around her body.

Maura would never tell Jane, but sometimes in the mornings, if she awoke first, she loved to just watch the detective sleep. Jane was always so peaceful asleep – as if she had not a care in the world. Maura decided right then and there that she wanted to make Jane as happy and peaceful awake as she possibly could.

“You’re staring.”

Maura loved the sound of Jane’s voice when she first woke up – it was hoarse and reminded Maura of when they made love. She looked over at Jane, who had turned her head so that she faced Maura, her eyes still unfocused with sleep.

“You’re beautiful,” Maura finally said. “So incredibly, unbelievably beautiful.”

Jane reached out and caressed Maura’s cheek. “Funny, that’s what I always think about you.”

Maura kissed the hand on her cheek. “I love you. And I want to move in together. I want to wake up with you every morning. I want to share everything with you.”

Jane rolled over so that she was on her side, facing Maura. She knew her girlfriend’s brain worked all the time, and she wondered how long this had been on her mind. “Okay.”

“But I want it to be a new home. Somewhere that doesn’t have memories of men with scalpels, or fathers abducting their daughters or people being shot. Somewhere we can make new memories. Happy memories.”

Jane smiled, taking Maura’s hand and squeezing it. “I’d like that.”

“You didn’t even take time to think about it!”

“I don’t need to.” Jane reached out and cupped Maura’s face. “I love you. More than anything in the world. Why would I need to think about moving in with you?”

“I’d very much like to kiss you now,” Maura said, “but I need to brush my teeth first.”

Jane burst into laughter as she watched Maura disentangle herself from Jane’s embrace and head into the bathroom. “You’re such a romantic, Maura.”

Maura peered around the doorframe of the bathroom. “I’d recommend you do to. If you want to be kissed, that is.”

Jane’s eyes widened and she hopped out of bed, pulling on her boxer shorts and a t-shirt. “Coming!”

\--

It had started raining soon after breakfast, and Maura had shepherded Jane into the den, where she had handed her a remote. Jane lifted an eyebrow and turned on the television, a smile appearing on her face when she saw the channels.

“You got cable installed? For me?”

“Well there are often documentaries that I am interested in, but yes, I wanted it for you.”

Jane pulled Maura into her lap and kissed her softly. Maura settled herself on Jane’s lap before kissing her back deeply, grinding her body against Jane’s. The detective moaned, tightening her grip around Maura’s waist.

“I want you,” Maura whispered. “Here, listening to the rain.”

“In that case…” Jane flicked off the television and pulled Maura’s shirt off her body. She smiled when she realised Maura wasn’t wearing a bra. “You were planning this all morning?”

Maura grinned. “It crossed my mind once or twice.”

Jane lifted an eyebrow. “Once or twice? That’s all I rate? Once or twice?” She leaned forward and flicked her tongue over Maura’s right nipple. 

Maura whimpered and arched towards Jane. “Don’t stop…you know how much you mean to me…”

Jane looked up and smiled. “Yeah, I know.” 

Their lips met in a hot, wet kiss, and Maura’s fingers slipped under Jane’s top, giggling when she realised Jane wasn’t wearing a bra either. 

“Now who’s planning?”

Jane ignored the question and took Maura’s lips in another kiss, her hips rolling up against Maura’s, feeling the heat of her lover through Maura’s pants. Maura moaned, her fingers gripping Jane’s shoulders as they rocked together.

“I want to feel you,” Maura murmured, kissing Jane’s neck. “Feel you against me.”

Jane groaned and pulled Maura’s pants down, urging her to stand up so she could get them off. Maura took Jane’s hand and tugged her to a standing position, pulling down the shorts and tossing them aside.

Maura pushed Jane back onto the couch, straddling her and letting out a choked whimper as heat met heat. Jane wrapped her arm around Maura’s waist and the other reached upwards to urge Maura into a kiss.

Their bodies moved frantically, both aching for release. Maura reached out and squeezed Jane’s right breast, before her fingers teased and caressed the soft flesh. Her fingernail ran across the taut nipple and Jane whimpered, arching against her lover.

“Maura…” she pleaded.

“I’m so close, Jane,” Maura whispered, leaning forward and kissing Jane’s neck. “Come with me. I want you to come with me.”

Jane tightened her grip on Maura, keeping their bodies tightly anchored together as they moved together. Her head arched back onto the couch, the pleasure coiling deep in her abdomen and threatening to explode. Maura reached out and urged Jane’s head forward, forcing the brunette to look at her.

“Look at me,” Maura whispers. “Let me see your eyes.”

Their eyes locked, and Maura took Jane’s hand, squeezing it tightly. Jane’s eyes had turned black with arousal, and she looked at the honey-blonde, who was biting her lower lip as they ground against each other. Jane’s free hand moved around to cup the back of Maura’s neck, and she smiled at her.

“Come, Maura. I’m right with you.”

Maura cried out and came hard, squeezing Jane’s hand. Jane pushed her body tight against Maura’s as the pleasure raced through her and she groaned Maura’s name.

Maura fell into Jane’s arms, her head resting on Jane’s shoulder. The brunette ran her fingers down Maura’s body, tenderly caressing as they regained their breath.

“I like making love when it rains,” Jane decided, kissing Maura’s curls. “Scratch that – I like making love with you anytime.”

Maura giggled and kissed Jane’s shoulder. “If this is what happens when have cable installed for you, perhaps I should do that when we buy our new home.”

Jane ran her fingers over Maura’s left breast. “Honey, when we get our new home, I’m going to christen the house by taking you in every single room.”

Maura shivered as she felt Jane’s fingers caress her breasts. “Jane…”

“You know,” Jane murmured, leaning in and flicking her tongue against Maura’s right nipple, “I think touching you and tasting you and bringing you to a screaming orgasm is much more fun than cable.”

Maura closed her eyes, fingers tightening on Jane’s shoulders. “Then do it. Jane please…do it.”

Jane flashed a quick grin and then with eager fingers and an exploring tongue, she took her lover all over again.

\--

They had spent the afternoon watching cable – moving from old movies to sports, to some weird documentary on some kind of plant that Jane didn’t fully understand, but she watched it because of the way Maura’s face lit up as she explained how rare it was to find a well-produced documentary on the subject.

They’d had lunch, Jane teasing Maura that maybe they should have maple syrup, and finally decided on grilled cheese sandwiches. Then, as the rain continued to patter the windows, Maura decided she wanted to bake cookies.

Jane lifted an eyebrow. “You want to bake cookies.”

Maura smiled brightly. “Yes.”

Jane was unsure whether this experiment would end well, but she nodded. “Okay, let’s bake cookies.”

Maura got out the ingredients and preheated the oven. “We’ll have to have a big kitchen in our house so we can enjoy cooking in it. Also, it would give Bass and Joe and Watson plenty of room to move around.”

Jane started to suspect that cooking was perhaps a ruse to talk about the new house. “And a big bedroom. Cause we spend a lot of time in bed.”

Maura got out a cookie sheet, then began to get out some ingredients. She handed them to Jane to put on the counter. “If you’re referring to our sexual activities, then, following your reasoning, every room would have to be big.”

“Christening that new place is going to take a lot more effort than I originally thought,” Jane answered.

Maura chuckled. She got out a measuring cup. “And I’d like to have a garden.”

“That’d be nice,” Jane agreed. “Although a bit pricey.”

“You don’t have to be concerned about money, Jane. Money is…” Maura paused, and bit her lip.

Jane looked up from her bowl of butter and sugar that she had measured out. “What?”

“People don’t like when I talk about money. I don’t want it to be a problem between us.”

“You’re not your money, Maura. I’d love you even if you were flat broke and in debt with two credit cards.” Jane put her hand on Maura’s arm. “You understand? We’re going to be living together, sharing everything. Which means I’ll be sharing all my stuff, including my money. And you’ll be sharing all your stuff, including your money.”

“But when we worked the Fairfield case…”

“That was different,” Jane muttered, turning back to her bowl. She turned the beater on, furiously attacking the sugar and butter before she felt Maura turn off the beater and Maura’s small hand cover her own.

“Jane. Talk to me.”

“You don’t act like you’re entitled to special treatment just because you have money. You don’t think you’re better than everyone else because you have money. And…I might have been…maybe a little…jealous.”

Maura sidled in between Jane and the counter. “You were jealous? Of Garrett Fairfield?”

Jane put her arms around Maura’s waist, tugging the woman tightly against her. “Insanely.”

“What on earth for?”

“He could give you everything you wanted. All the most amazing designer clothes, take you to fancy nights out…”

“But I wanted you,” Maura murmured, her lips brushing tenderly against Jane’s. “I always wanted you.”

“I know that now,” Jane replied, her fingers caressing the skin of Maura’s hips. “I wish I’d known it then.” The detective ran her eyes over the most exquisite body she’d ever laid her eyes on.

“Jane…”

Jane’s eyes snapped up to gaze into Maura’s. “Yeah?”

“I think you’re thinking of doing something unspeakable to me.”

Jane grinned. “I wouldn’t exactly call it unspeakable.”

Maura deftly extricated herself from Jane’s grip. “It will be unspeakable for the moment, because we’re not finished baking cookies. Maybe later – if you can behave yourself till then.”

Taking the wooden spoon that was handed to her, Jane took a deep breath. “I am SUCH a good girlfriend.”

\--


	19. Chapter 19

As the days went by, Jane and Maura spent them in almost the exact same way. They slept until they woke and made breakfast. If it was fine they’d go outside. Sometimes they just walked through Maura’s “wooded area”, and sometimes they swam in the lake. If it was raining they’d stay inside and read, or watch the television. They made love over and over again. And the longer they spent together, alone and happy, Jane wondered if she really wanted to go back to the real world.

She knew Maura worked because she wanted to, not because she had to. She also knew that theoretically, they could move Bass, Joe and Watson up here, and her family could visit. Jane would look at Maura sometimes – watch her giggling over something on the TV, or watching her body respond to Jane’s touches – and realise that this woman was all she wanted for the rest of her life. 

But Jane also knew how much each of them loved their jobs – the puzzle, putting the bad guys away. And that they would be happy back in Boston, in a new house, with their family and friends. 

And the most important thing was that they be happy and safe. Jane wouldn’t tolerate any less.

Maura looked over her fruit plate at Jane. She frowned. “Jane? Where have you gone?”

Jane’s eyes snapped up to focus on Maura. “Nowhere. I was just thinking.”

Maura bit her lip. “You’ve been doing a lot of that lately, haven’t you?” Part of her knew that thinking was what got them all into this mess to begin with. She didn’t want to lose Jane again. She couldn’t lose Jane again.

Jane reached over the table and took Maura’s hand. “Honey, I promise you, I am not going back to that place. I was just thinking about how much I’ve loved being up here with you.”

The doctor’s face lit up. “I’ve enjoyed it too. I’ve never felt so alive with anyone before. So happy.”

The detective squeezed Maura’s hand. “Good. Then I was thinking it would be kinda fun to be up here all the time – because you are all I need.”

Maura looked at her for a long moment. “You’d give up your job for me?”

“For us.” Jane shrugged. “But I mean, we both love our jobs and we’d want to be back in the city and…”

Maura ran her thumb over Jane’s palm. “I would never ask you to give up your job for me, Jane. I love working together, the way we do now. But the fact that you would…no one has ever said they would do something like that.”

“I would. I’d do anything for you, Maura, you know that. You’re my everything.”

“I know. And I would do anything for you.” Maura watched Jane’s eyes for a moment. “You’re not worried about going back, are you?”

“No,” Jane replied, smiling. “Because I have you.”

Maura got up and walked over to Jane, sitting comfortably in her lap. “I love you. And I’m so glad that my Jane is back.”

Jane looked at her for a long moment. “The Jane Rizzoli you fell in love with?”

The honey-blonde cupped Jane’s cheek with her hand. “I shouldn’t have said that to you, Jane. I was so hurt and angry and I’m sorry.”

“Shh,” Jane murmured, kissing Maura’s lips tenderly. “I love you, and we’re okay.”

Maura snuggled closer, resting her head on Jane’s shoulder. “What do you want to do today?”

“I don’t know.” Jane put her arm around Maura’s waist. “It’s really nice to have no idea what I’m doing for the day.”

“We could go to the lake,” Maura murmured into Jane’s ear. “Go skinny-dipping.”

The detective laughed, her lips kissing Maura’s neck. “What is it about you and having sex in the great outdoors?”

“I think it’s just you and sex,” Maura replied, closing her eyes as she felt Jane’s lips travel over her shoulders. “You’ve made me insatiable.”

Jane kissed her softly. “That’s the way I feel, honey. All the time.”

They kissed once more and Maura walked back over to her breakfast. “So, let’s finish breakfast and go to the lake.”

\--

“Are you going to be scared when I start work again?”

Maura looked up from her book. “You mean active duty?”

Jane nodded. “Yeah.”

That morning had been spent making love in the lake, eating a picnic lunch, swimming again, and coming back to shower. Now it was late afternoon and they were both reading books they had found in the house.

Maura watched as Jane put the book down and she put her own down. “A little.”

“I’m not going to do anything stupid, Maura. You know that.” She moved to kneel in front of Maura’s chair, her hands resting on the honey-blonde’s knees. “Right?”

“I know,” Maura replied, her fingers running through Jane’s curls. “But I also know that by its nature your job comes with risks that can get you hurt.”

Jane said nothing, but simply looked at her. She had made the offer earlier, and Maura had turned it down, but part of her wondered if Maura secretly wanted her to quit.

As was so often the custom between them, Maura caught on quickly to what was on Jane’s mind. “No.” She leaned forward and cupped Jane’s face with her hands. “No. I love that you’re a detective. It’s where we met. It’s where I fell in love with you. But I would be lying if I said I didn’t have some reservations about you returning to work. And you know I can’t lie.”

Jane tugged the other woman off the chair and into her lap. “I can’t promise that I won’t get hurt again, but I can promise that I will do everything in my power to make sure nothing takes me away from you again.”

“Good, because…” Maura’s voice trailed off and she stared at Jane for a long moment. Then she took Jane’s lips in a deep kiss.

Jane was surprised at the passion and force behind the kiss, and she felt Maura gently push at her, urging her to lie down on the floor. Maura settled atop her, but when Jane reached up to take off Maura’s shirt, the doctor batted her hands away.

“No.”

Jane looked up, confusion in her eyes. Maura smiled at her and caressed her cheek.

“I love you. You are everything to me. You’re my best friend, my lover, my family. And if anything ever happened to you…” Maura couldn’t bear to finish the sentence. Life would simply not be life without Jane. Jane was everything.

Jane reached up and covered Maura’s hand. “Nothing’s going to keep me from you, honey. Nothing.”

Maura kissed her again, before taking Jane’s hand and placing it by her side. She bent down, her lips mere millimetres from Jane’s. “Then let me have you. I want to take you and be part of you and feel you come apart around me.” She kissed Jane’s lips finally, the kiss soft and tender. “Let me. Please let me.”

Jane was already wet just from Maura’s words alone, but she calmed her arousal and smiled at her lover, taking her hand and kissing it. “You never have to ask, Maura. You know that.”

Maura’s face lit up and she was soon pressed against Jane’s body, her lips kissing Jane’s hard, her tongue stroking across Jane’s lower lip. Jane moaned as she opened her mouth to her lover and she rested her hands on Maura’s back as the honey-blonde stroked her mouth with her tongue.

Maura soon broke the kiss and placed tender kisses to Jane’s neck instead. “You’re so beautiful,” she whispered, sucking on Jane’s pulse point. “So beautiful and so…”

“Yours,” Jane murmured, closing her eyes as Maura’s hands slid under the hem of her t-shirt. “I’m yours, Maura. Always.”

Maura’s lips were back on Jane’s, kissing her deeply before pulling back and whispering. “Yes. You’re mine.”

She urged Jane upwards so that she could pull off the brunette’s T-shirt, and her hands were immediately cupping Jane’s breasts, and caressing them with her hands. “Beautiful.” She bent down and flicked her tongue against Jane’s right nipple. 

“Maura…”

Maura’s lips came back to Jane’s, kissing her deeply. Then she kissed further down Jane’s body, taking her left nipple into her mouth and sucking lightly. Jane moaned and arched her hips upwards, trying to get more contact. Maura was firm but gentle as she pushed Jane’s hips down, her lips never leaving the brunette’s breasts.

Jane’s hands held tightly to Maura, and the honey-blonde leaned up and kissed her lips.

“Behave, Jane. Just let me have you. Please.”

Jane looked at her for a long moment. There was something in Maura’s eyes, something that told her Maura needed to be in control and needed to know that Jane was alive, Jane was here, and Jane was never going to leave her. Jane imagined it was much like she felt that night before they’d come here. When she was terrified that Maura would leave her again.

Jane reached up and caressed Maura’s cheek. “Then take me. I’m yours, so just take me.”

Maura bent down and kissed her deeply before straddling her body and staring down at her. Jane behaved herself, keeping her hands at her sides, no matter how tempted she was to touch Maura’s body.

Maura kissed her way down Jane’s skin again, licking and sucking as she went and keeping her eyes on Jane so she could see every reaction. Maura smiled as she kissed Jane’s abdomen, her fingers running across the smooth, toned muscles. 

“I love the feel of your muscles,” Maura whispered, kissing them again. “Hard and soft, all at the same time.”

Jane moaned as she felt Maura’s fingers knead and caress the skin. Maura smiled and kissed her way down, past Jane’s bellybutton and then past her centre. She ran her fingers along Jane’s legs and thighs, kissing the skin at the inside of Jane’s thigh, before settling back further and resting her cheek against Jane’s leg.

“I love you.”

Jane smiled and tangled her hands in Maura’s hair, massaging the scalp lightly. “I love you too.”

Maura kissed the soft skin of Jane’s inner thigh, before lightly running her thumb across Jane’s clit. The detective whimpered, aching for Maura’s touch. Maura smiled and pressed a kiss to Jane’s centre. She wanted nothing more than to hear Jane come, her name on the brunette’s lips.

Jane gasped as Maura’s tongue flicked against her clit and then began to lick and suck at Jane’s heat. 

“Maura…please…”

Maura moaned against Jane’s skin. “I love the way you taste.”

“Oh god…” Jane curled her fingers into her palms, trying to behave and not touch her lover.

Maura ran her fingers up Jane’s thighs, and she continued to lick and suck Jane’s clit as she slid one finger deep inside. Jane’s hips arched as she came, shuddering under Maura’s attentions.

When Jane finally opened her eyes, her breathing finally slowing, she looked up to find Maura curled up in her lap, a smug smile on her face.

Jane reached upwards, her fingers caressing Maura’s thighs. “Am I allowed to touch now?”

Maura nodded. “Yes, you are.”

“Good,” Jane replied, urging Maura down for a long kiss. She then rolled them over so that Maura was laying beneath her. “Because now it’s my turn.”

\--


	20. Chapter 20

The night before they were due to go back to Boston, Jane lay on the outdoor recliner, staring into the blackness. Maura lay atop her, curled up in Jane’s arms and her head resting on Jane’s shoulder.

They had finished dinner over an hour ago, and since then had been curled up together outside, just content to be there, holding each other, and feeling each other’s warmth.

It was silent, except for the occasional bird call, and Jane was happy for the silence. It allowed her to think. She knew Maura was thinking – Maura was always thinking, except when they made love and Jane pushed her over that edge into mindless pleasure – but Jane was happy to think on her own.

She thought about the terrible pain they had been in over the past few months – caused by insecurity and not talking to each other. She thought of the hospital and the recuperation. She thought of Maura’s nightmares. She thought of Maura’s parents. She thought of Maura’s face when she had found out that Jane had almost gotten killed again. She thought of that moment that she had gone to Hoyt – baited him into trying to kill her. She thought of that final, terrible fight when Maura had accused her of trying to kill herself. She thought of falling to her knees in front of her girlfriend, crying that she was broken, and of Maura taking her in her arms and saying that they’d fix each other. She thought of how frightened she’d been that Maura would leave her, and how frightened Maura had been that Jane would be killed.

Then she thought of the good parts of the past few months. Of having Maura curled up in her arms in the hospital. Of sharing a bath together, Maura tenderly bathing her bruised and battered body. Of lying in Maura’s arms, feeling the doctor run her fingers through Jane’s curls. Of Maura telling Jane that she loved her just the way she was. Of the first time they made love after the shooting – Maura being so tender and careful, and then completely losing control when Jane touched her. Of Maura telling Jane that she was beautiful. Of Maura holding her and promising never to let go. Of the first night they made love in Maura’s secluded house. Of giggling and laughing as they skinny-dipped in the lake. Of Maura touching her in the shower. Of Maura wanting them to buy a house – a home for the two of them.

Jane ran her fingers down Maura’s back, listening to the contented murmur from the honey-blonde’s lips. She grinned.

“Marry me.”

Maura’s head shot up and she stared at Jane. “What?”

Jane’s smile broadened. “Marry me. I love you, Maura and I don’t just want to buy a house together – I want to marry you. We’ve been through so much shi…crap together, and we’re here and happy and I love you. Marry me.”

Maura’s face broke into a beautiful smile and she cupped Jane’s face with her hands. “Yes. Yes!” She kissed Jane’s lips tenderly. “I love you.”

Jane deepened the kiss, holding Maura tightly against her. And then, as she felt Maura place kisses down her neck, a thought occurred to her.

“Fuck!”

Maura lifted an eyebrow and looked down at her. “Well, I will get to it, but I thought some kissing might be nice first.”

“The ring!” Jane swore again. “I got you a ring. A really pretty, nice ring and I don’t have it and I can’t believe I asked you to marry me without a ring!”

Maura landed with an “oof!” on the deck chair as Jane headed into the house. “Jane…Jane what are you doing?”

“I have to find something. I need a ring. Now.”

“Jane…” Maura got up and followed her lover into the house. “Jane, don’t be ridiculous. We can wait until we get home.”

“No, it can’t. I had the perfect proposal planned out – I was going to take you out to dinner, then bring you home and get down on my knee and give you the ring and…”

“Jane.” Maura’s hand grabbed Jane’s arm, stopping her from moving. She waited until the detective turned to look at her, and then she smiled. “Jane, for me – that was the perfect proposal. For me and for us. Because I know how much you love me and I know that this was the right time. The perfect time.”

Jane smiled shyly. “Really?”

Maura nodded. “Really.” She ran her hands up Jane’s arms. “Now, kiss me properly.”

Jane put her arms around Maura’s waist, pulling the woman tight against her body. Maura ran her hands up the front of Jane’s body and rested them around her neck. 

“I love you,” Jane murmured.

“I love you too,” Maura replied. “Now kiss me, detective.”

Their lips met and Jane immediately deepened the kiss, holding Maura close. Maura moaned, pressing her body against Jane’s. She soon broke the kiss though, instead pressing soft kisses to Jane’s neck. 

“Take me to bed.”

“Excellent plan,” Jane growled, lifting Maura into her arms. 

Maura continued her trail of kisses, licking and sucking Jane’s neck, and tugging lightly on her earlobe. As she started up the stairs, Jane let out a long moan as Maura found a particularly sensitive spot and she leaned heavily against the bannister.

“Maura, honey…you’ve got to stop. Because otherwise we’re never going to make it up the stairs in one piece.”

Maura kissed her softly. “Fine. But you’re spoiling my fun.”

Jane smirked as she carried her up the stairs to the bedroom. “It would spoil our fun even more if we both broke our necks because you couldn’t keep your tongue to yourself.”

“I am certain you won’t be saying that later.”

“I’m sure I won’t be either.” Jane lowered the honey-blonde to their bed and she kissed her softly. “I love you, Maura.”

Maura cupped Jane’s face with her hands. “I love you, Jane.”

They kissed again and Jane’s arms slid under Maura’s body, lifting the woman closer to her so that their breasts brushed together. Maura’s fingers gripped Jane’s arms.

“Jane…”

“I want you naked,” Jane growled, unbuttoning Maura’s shirt. “Completely naked and completely mine.”

Maura smirked. “I’m already yours, Jane. I thought me saying yes to the proposal made that clear.” She put her hands on Jane’s. “And don’t you dare rip this shirt.”

Jane’s fingers paused at the buttons and she lifted an eyebrow. “Or what?”

Maura rolled her eyes and batted Jane’s hands away, undoing the buttons herself.

“What, you don’t trust me?” Jane pouted, and then her face lit up as Maura’s lacy bra came into view. “God, you’re beautiful.”

Maura urged Jane down for a soft kiss. “I do trust you. In fact, when we move in together, I’ll even allow you to do the laundry from time to time.”

Jane laughed and Maura pulled her down again, kissing her deeply. Jane moaned into the kiss, and she pushed the material away from Maura’s body, her hands cupping Maura’s breasts through her lacy bra. Maura’s hands pushed her away, trying to undo the front clasp as quickly as she could. Jane burst into laughter again.

“A little eager, are we Maura?”

“I love you and I want you touching me. Right now.”

Jane pushed the bra away from Maura’s body and let it fall to the floor. She bent down and took Maura’s left nipple into her mouth. “I like it when you’re bossy,” she mumbled around the taut peak. “It’s sexy.”

Maura was reduced to a low moan as she felt Jane’s tongue on her skin. Her fingers tangled in Jane’s dark curls, her arousal increasing as Jane moved to her other breast.  
Soon Jane pulled back and took off her own shirt, tossing it on the floor. She bent down, taking Maura’s lips again and brushing their breasts together. Maura groaned and reached out, her hands cupping Jane’s breasts and running her fingers over the taut nipples.

It was Jane’s turn to moan and she ground her lower body against Maura’s, watching her fiancé’s eyes fly open and seeing the deep love and arousal in them. 

“Take the rest of your clothes off…now.”

Jane chuckled and moved off the bed, taking off her pants and underwear. “Very, very sexy.”

Maura watched her and with a sly smile began to unbutton her pants, slipping her hand inside. Jane’s eyes widened and she gulped as Maura’s hand slipping underneath her panties. 

“Maura…”

Maura smiled. “Come here.”

Jane was on the bed in a second, her hands running up Maura’s legs. She slipped her hand under Maura’s pants and panties, pressing her thumb against Maura’s clit.

The honey-blonde bucked her hips, whimpering in pleasure. “Jane…Jane please…”

Jane tugged the pants and panties off, tossing them on the floor. She licked her lips, causing Maura to moan again. Jane grinned and kissed Maura, long and hard, and she felt Maura’s hips arch and press against her centre.

She trailed kisses down Maura’s neck, her hands cupping and caressing her lover’s breasts, her eyes darting back up to looking at the expression of pure pleasure in Maura’s eyes.

Almost as if Maura could sense Jane looking at her, she opened her eyes to find Jane’s lips closing over her right nipple. She groaned before reaching for Jane, urging her up for another kiss. “I want to touch you too,” she murmured, as the kiss broke.

“I’m all yours,” Jane replied, kissing her again. She took Maura’s hand and held it against her own breast. “All yours.”

Maura’s hand stroked and caressed Jane’s breast, and her other one rose to give the other the same treatment. Jane’s eyes closed, her mouth opening and the whisper of Maura’s name leaving it.

Maura smiled, before leaning up and running her tongue over each of Jane’s nipples, before deciding on the left one to tug and suck. She could see the muscles of Jane’s arms flexing to hold herself upright, and Maura ran one hand between them to cup Jane’s heat.

“God…Maura…”

Maura giggled and was about to continue but Jane grabbed Maura’s wrists and pinned them above her head. This let their bodies touch completely, skin to skin and Maura whimpered with pleasure.

“Jane…yes…”

“You want it like this?” Jane whispered in her ear, as she slowly ground against Maura. 

Maura nodded. “I want to feel you everywhere. Touching me everywhere.”

“I love touching you everywhere,” Jane whispered, her hands running down Maura’s body. “So soft, so sexy…” Her hand finally reached the heat of Maura’s centre. “So wet…”

Maura arched towards Jane’s touch, and she urged Jane down for another kiss. 

“I love you,” Maura whispered. “So much.”

Jane’s fingers ran through Maura’s hair, finally coming around to cup her cheek. “I love you too, Maura. You are my everything. Understand? My everything.”

“I know,” Maura murmured, kissing Jane again. “You’re my everything, too.”

Jane trailed kisses down Maura’s neck and she pressed long, wet kisses to Maura’s breasts. Maura reached out and urged Jane back up to look at her.

“Together. I want to go together.”

Jane urged Maura up onto her knees and quickly ran her fingers across Maura’s wet heat. One arm went around Maura’s waist, holding the honey-blonde tight to her body, and she pushed two fingers deep inside. Maura whimpered, and one hand tangled in Jane’s curls while the other slipped between them to press hard against Jane’s clit.

Jane arched her head back and moaned. “Maura…”

Maura pressed her lips to Jane’s neck, as she thrust two fingers inside her lover. Jane’s fingers tightened around Maura’s waist and she rubbed her thumb over her clit, watching Maura arch her back in pleasure.

“Jane please…” 

Their eyes locked as they continued to touch and caress, pushing each other further towards the edge. They knew each other’s bodies so well and when Jane hooked her fingers inside Maura and circled her clit quickly, she kissed Maura deeply, feeling her inner muscles clench tightly around her fingers.

Maura’s orgasm hit her hard, but she wanted Jane with her, and she pumped her fingers faster inside Jane, and pressing the heel of her palm on Jane’s clit. She felt Jane’s body stiffen as the pleasure crashed into her.

They fell back onto the bed, panting hard, still connected to each other. Maura pressed kisses to Jane’s shoulder, shuddering in pleasure as Jane removed her fingers. Maura watched Jane’s eyes and listened to her whimper as Maura slowly drew her fingers out. 

They kissed deeply, Jane wrapping her arms around Maura and feeling the other woman snuggle into her embrace.

Maura kissed Jane’s shoulder. “If this is going to be the standard for our sexual relations, I think we shall both be very sexually satisfied.”

Jane snorted in amusement, brushing Maura’s honey-blonde hair away to kiss the soft skin of her neck. “I love you, Maura. I’m so glad you said yes.”

Maura smiled as her eyes started to close. “I love you too, Jane. I wouldn’t have said anything else.”

\--


	21. Chapter 21

Maura played with the diamond ring on her finger and smiled. The minute they had arrived home, Jane had torn through the house, found the ring and promptly dropped to her knee, asking Maura again to marry her.

Naturally Maura had accepted – again – and then relished the shock in Jane’s eyes when she had gone on her own hunt and produced a ring for Jane and then asked Jane to marry her.  
Jane had said yes.

But now they were back at work. Earlier that morning, Maura had taken Jane’s face in her hands, kissed her long and deep, and told her that she loved her. Then she had watched her detective take the elevator upstairs to her desk.

She remembered that day, watching Jane go up in the elevator – assuming they would meet later, perhaps talk about Tommy. Little had she known that instead she would be trying to keep Jane alive, begging her not to leave Maura alone.

Maura shook the thought from her head. They had been through a lot since that day. And she and Jane had gotten through it and…god she was nervous.

She wanted to run upstairs and make sure Jane was still all in one piece, still unharmed and still smiling. But she didn’t want to bother her. She wanted to show she trusted Jane and that she wasn’t sitting down here and worrying about her. She didn’t want Jane to think Maura was hovering. She…

“Hey! How come you didn’t come visit me yet?”

Maura looked up and her face broke into a smile as she saw Jane leaning against the sink. She jumped out of her chair and raced over, launching herself into Jane’s arms.

Jane held tightly to the doctor, one hand running down her back and the other cupping Maura’s cheek. “Hey…were you sitting down here worrying about me?”

Maura bit her lip. “A little.”

“Well why didn’t you just come upstairs and see me? Or you could have called or texted.” Jane moved her other hand and cupped Maura’s face so they were looking in each other’s eyes. “I would have come down here earlier if I knew you needed me.”

“I know.” Maura kissed Jane’s palm. “I didn’t want to seem like I was hovering.”

“You don’t hover.” Jane smiled at her. “You care. And that,” she paused to kiss Maura’s lips briefly, “that means so much to me.”

Maura snuggled closer. “Did you have fun this morning?”

“Yeah, I did. Frost and I went out on a call.” Jane felt Maura’s body stiffen and she immediately tightened her arms around the doctor. “Just a follow up with a witness from a case Frost and Korsak were on while we were away. You know if there had been a body, we would have called you too.”

Maura looked up at her. “Would you like to have lunch together?”

“That’s why I came down here.” Jane kissed Maura again. “That, and to make out with you.”

Maura grinned and they kissed, long and deep. Jane snaked an arm around Maura’s waist, holding her tight to her body. Jane moaned as she felt Maura’s fingers slip underneath her shirt, caressing the toned, warm skin. 

As Maura pressed kisses to Jane’s neck, she whispered between each one. “While you know from…personal experience…that I don’t oppose making out with you – or a quickie where you take me hard and fast, I do know that you prefer not to do it here in the morgue.”

Jane smirked and pressed one last kiss to Maura’s lips. “And yet every time you manage to push me closer and closer to taking you right next to the autopsy table.”

Maura grabbed her coat. “I guess next time I’ll have to push a little harder then, won’t I?”

\--

Jane Rizzoli stared up at the ceiling. Nestled beside her, body naked and flushed after her previous orgasm, lay Maura, dozing quietly. 

Jane’s own pleasure was ebbing slowly from her body, every part of her still tingling as it remembered the intense pleasure Maura had bestowed on her moments earlier.

Jane loved the feeling of their skin touching, and she loved these after love making moments when they were laying together in bed, limbs tangled in each other, breathing slowly returning to normal. It was one of the many things she loved about being with Maura.

Like how she loved sitting on the couch, Maura’s head resting in her lap as they watched a movie. Or going for a walk with Joe. (Jane tried to encourage getting Bass a leash and taking him on walks so he wouldn’t feel left out, but Maura vetoed that idea very quickly.)

How she loved cooking with Maura – the normal cooking, where they worked like a team, making something delicious to eat, or the sexy, playful cooking, where Jane discovered Maura tasted lovely with maple syrup on her skin.

She lifted her hand and smiled at the diamond ring on her finger. Maura did have fantastic taste and she had been so adorable when she’d asked Jane to marry her. Jane glanced at the hand Maura had resting on Jane’s chest, and she smiled as she looked at the ring on Maura’s finger. Damn she was lucky.

She heard Maura murmur something that sounded suspiciously like “Love you, Jane.”

Jane grinned. “Love you back, Maura.”

As she yawned and prepared to slip into sleep, Jane glanced once more at her hands, and she relaxed.

She felt healed.

FINIS


End file.
